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<blockquote data-quote="evafirefly" data-source="post: 260488" data-attributes="member: 7131"><p>Thanks for the replies, they and reading other posts make me realize that there is no magic bullet, that not enabling, loving with detachment and taking care of myself are important. I realize that only if he wants to change will it happen. He did spend 6 days in juvey and got home yesterday. 19 is legal age in my state and he is a ward of the state now and enrolled in drug court & on electronic monitoring. His judge is no nonsense and I really believe cares and wants to help kids into recovery. He will be going 4 days a week for 3 hrs a day to treatment & report to the judge directly once a week, random ua's 2 to 3 times a week, etc. It will be a tough road from him, but he's paying for "playing". He won't be able to go to the college he had planned on this year as it takes 9 to 12 months to complete drug court. He's happy about small things since being home, like Q-tips and soft beds and chairs & knows he has to "pay" and says he isn't going to do anything to get into trouble. I can only hope and not enable. I have gone to 6 meetings of al-anon and have found it helpful and supportive, learned about the 3 C's, you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it and how the user uses your anxiety and anger to manipulate. It's tough to see your kids screw up!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="evafirefly, post: 260488, member: 7131"] Thanks for the replies, they and reading other posts make me realize that there is no magic bullet, that not enabling, loving with detachment and taking care of myself are important. I realize that only if he wants to change will it happen. He did spend 6 days in juvey and got home yesterday. 19 is legal age in my state and he is a ward of the state now and enrolled in drug court & on electronic monitoring. His judge is no nonsense and I really believe cares and wants to help kids into recovery. He will be going 4 days a week for 3 hrs a day to treatment & report to the judge directly once a week, random ua's 2 to 3 times a week, etc. It will be a tough road from him, but he's paying for "playing". He won't be able to go to the college he had planned on this year as it takes 9 to 12 months to complete drug court. He's happy about small things since being home, like Q-tips and soft beds and chairs & knows he has to "pay" and says he isn't going to do anything to get into trouble. I can only hope and not enable. I have gone to 6 meetings of al-anon and have found it helpful and supportive, learned about the 3 C's, you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it and how the user uses your anxiety and anger to manipulate. It's tough to see your kids screw up!!! [/QUOTE]
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