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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 613588" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>Oh, this was a terrible thing for that person to say. But people do terrible things, sometimes. I think more so online, because there is an anonymity there that lets us do whatever we want to. Those will be good things sometimes, but sometimes, they will be very bad things. I don't belong to other online boards. (For one thing, there aren't any. :O) We are a uniquely safe and tender place, but I think we are very rare.) Though it can hurt me, I am seldom surprised by the strange, cruel things people sometimes do. If you could know her better Nomad, you might learn that she has done this before. If you were to continue to observe her over the years, you would probably find that she will do the same thing to someone else in future. As is the case with other kinds of abuse, so many hurtful online behaviors have nothing to do with the person being victimized. They are just what the abuser needs to do to cope with his or her own demons.</p><p></p><p>I know that doesn't make it hurt any less or feel less confusing, when you have been the victim of something like this. You are right that, in a healthy relationship, this would have been dealt with personally, just between the two of you. That your abuser chose to do it publicly, that she chose to make it public behind your back, tells you this has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the other person's personality and or illness.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry this happened to you, Nomad.</p><p></p><p>When I lose something that mattered to me, my husband always tells me not to mourn the loss so much as to celebrate having had whatever it was for all the time I did have it, and for the healing that happened, because I had it.</p><p></p><p>Can you try to see this online betrayal that way?</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 613588, member: 1721"] Oh, this was a terrible thing for that person to say. But people do terrible things, sometimes. I think more so online, because there is an anonymity there that lets us do whatever we want to. Those will be good things sometimes, but sometimes, they will be very bad things. I don't belong to other online boards. (For one thing, there aren't any. :O) We are a uniquely safe and tender place, but I think we are very rare.) Though it can hurt me, I am seldom surprised by the strange, cruel things people sometimes do. If you could know her better Nomad, you might learn that she has done this before. If you were to continue to observe her over the years, you would probably find that she will do the same thing to someone else in future. As is the case with other kinds of abuse, so many hurtful online behaviors have nothing to do with the person being victimized. They are just what the abuser needs to do to cope with his or her own demons. I know that doesn't make it hurt any less or feel less confusing, when you have been the victim of something like this. You are right that, in a healthy relationship, this would have been dealt with personally, just between the two of you. That your abuser chose to do it publicly, that she chose to make it public behind your back, tells you this has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the other person's personality and or illness. I am sorry this happened to you, Nomad. When I lose something that mattered to me, my husband always tells me not to mourn the loss so much as to celebrate having had whatever it was for all the time I did have it, and for the healing that happened, because I had it. Can you try to see this online betrayal that way? Cedar [/QUOTE]
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