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Parent Emeritus
Well, difficult child is gone.
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 16985" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>Aw, Robby, you know deep down that this is the way it has to be. In a way, your difficult child is right. A 19 year old shouldn't have a curfew because he shouldn't be there in the first place.</p><p></p><p>A 19-year-old former marine can take care of himself. Both husband and I worked our way through college. He can get a job and go to school at night if he wants to. Lots of people do it.</p><p></p><p>What he can't (and shouldn't be allowed to do) is treat you disrespectfully and cause you to live in a hellish situation. </p><p></p><p>We tried the curfew route at the suggestion of the family therapist but it didn't really work. It seemed silly to be treating a grown-up like a child. The real solution was for her to move out and live like a grown-up.</p><p></p><p>We did make our difficult child move out and as you know she has survived. Lately, in particular, she seems to have figured some things out like health insurance is important and paying bills comes before having a good time. It wouldn't have happened if we had allowed her to live here being treated as a child. She just would have stayed dependent on us while continuing her party lifestyle.</p><p></p><p>The real problem here, Robby, is that your difficult child will ask to come back. They always do. You and husband need to say no. Unequivocally no. The real question is whether can you do it.</p><p></p><p>Please know that we will be here for you no matter what. by the way, we lapsed once and let our difficult child come back and it didn't work. Oh, and our relationship (particularly mine) with our difficult child is so much better now that she is on her own. It's almost like she respects herself more now that she is acting like an adult and doesn't resent us as much. I guess I would explain it as a more adult to adult relationship rather than adult/child relationship so there aren't any power struggles anymore. Does that make sense?</p><p></p><p>Sending strength and hugs. </p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 16985, member: 1967"] Aw, Robby, you know deep down that this is the way it has to be. In a way, your difficult child is right. A 19 year old shouldn't have a curfew because he shouldn't be there in the first place. A 19-year-old former marine can take care of himself. Both husband and I worked our way through college. He can get a job and go to school at night if he wants to. Lots of people do it. What he can't (and shouldn't be allowed to do) is treat you disrespectfully and cause you to live in a hellish situation. We tried the curfew route at the suggestion of the family therapist but it didn't really work. It seemed silly to be treating a grown-up like a child. The real solution was for her to move out and live like a grown-up. We did make our difficult child move out and as you know she has survived. Lately, in particular, she seems to have figured some things out like health insurance is important and paying bills comes before having a good time. It wouldn't have happened if we had allowed her to live here being treated as a child. She just would have stayed dependent on us while continuing her party lifestyle. The real problem here, Robby, is that your difficult child will ask to come back. They always do. You and husband need to say no. Unequivocally no. The real question is whether can you do it. Please know that we will be here for you no matter what. by the way, we lapsed once and let our difficult child come back and it didn't work. Oh, and our relationship (particularly mine) with our difficult child is so much better now that she is on her own. It's almost like she respects herself more now that she is acting like an adult and doesn't resent us as much. I guess I would explain it as a more adult to adult relationship rather than adult/child relationship so there aren't any power struggles anymore. Does that make sense? Sending strength and hugs. ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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Well, difficult child is gone.
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