Well, that didn't last long

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by meowbunny, Mar 17, 2008.

  1. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    She came to pick up some stuff and the conversation went like this:

    Her: I'm really inconveniencing my friends.
    Me: I'm sorry to hear that.
    Her: I'm sharing a room with a kid who wets the bed the the room smells.
    Me: I'm sorry to hear that.
    Her: Don't you care????
    Me: Of course I do, but you've made your choice. What would you like me to do about it?
    Her: I did NOT choose. You kicked me out!!!!
    Me: No, I told you if you didn't come home, you needed to stay there until your apartment was available. If you came, you had a place to stay.
    long pause
    Her: Well, you were mean to me and I didn't want to come home.
    Me: How was I mean? By telling you couldn't leave until you cleaned your room?
    Her: Yeah. [pause] It was a mess wasn't it? [abashed grin]
    Me: No, my room is a mess. Your room was a pig sty. [both smiling]
    Her: What can I do to stay here?
    Me: Your chores. But if you muck up even one time, you're out the door and I don't care if you have a place to sleep or not. Is that understood.
    Her: Yes, Mom. Thanks!!! And I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!

    So, she's sleeping in her bed. Last night she shocked me. She emptied the dishwasher (her chore -- mine is to load it). Came in and told me she also loaded it. I thanked and said she really didn't have to do that. She knew that but said most of the dishes left out were hers anyway, so it only seemed fair that she put them up.

    Gotta give her credit. At least she's trying.

    She was going to share the apartment with her co-worker but that fell through when he got fired, so now she's talking about getting the one bedroom. She's figured she should have $52.00 left after paying all of her bills and buying food. And that's if she continues making what she does now. You could see the panic on her face. I kept silent. It was hard. However, if I see that she is continuing with her chores, I might just offer her her room until September. We'll see.
  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    A little slice of humble pie never hurt anyone. So, she didn't like sleeping in a room with a kid who wet the bed, huh? Hope she knows that there are worse things ahead if she doesn't straighten up!!!
  3. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Ah, cold, hard, (wet) reality hits.......smart of friend to offer that particular room?????? Hope the chores get done and she can see that doing her chores is pretty cheap rent.........
  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I wonder how that crow tasted?

    I hope she learns from this. Good on you for sticking to your guns, momma.
  5. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Honestly, I give no credit to the "friend." That room was the only place available unless she slept on the couch and no one wanted her to sleep there -- the kids get up early. She doesn't. I still have my doubts about this woman. Who knows?
  6. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Wasn't hinting that the friend deserved credit, just that maybe friend didn't want it to turn into a long-term situation either......it was easier to put difficult child into a "smelly" room and hope she wouldn't stay than to say "no" you can't stay here.....
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    -Actually once you've had crow - it is not a dish you care to order again.

    And a slice of humble pie for dessert?

    Yuuuummmmeeey Mom - you run the roadkill cafe!

  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    MB, you inspire me. I need to have a conversation with L about her attitude towards me. She has been very mean and belittling lately. Of course she never sees me unless there is company present, so she makes it pretty difficult to make a scene. Which I know she would if I told her to shape up or ship out. And of course, deep down I can be a real wuss. She knows just how to push my buttons. I just have to keep telling myself that I'm entitled to my feelings in my own home. Period. She's entitled to get over it.
  9. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    You handled a difficult situation really well, meowbunny.

    I'm proud for you ~ that must have been tough.

  10. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Witz -- You should not have to convince yourself that you're entitled to your feelings. Nor should your children feel they have the right to verbally abuse you. My daughter went through serious shock when I finally realized that. That was when I quit doing for her. I quit making excuses. I quit feeling guilty. Instead, I told her this was my home and unless she was paying 50% of all bills, it was my rules. If she didn't like the rules, she certainly knew where the door was. Further, if she felt the need to call me names or be physical, she could do so in her room into her pillow where I couldn't hear it. If I heard it, there would be access to car, cable or computer until I was good and ready. After the third time of her calling me names for no reason and her losing all household privileges, she quit. Granted, she will call me names when she is angry and I truly understand that and let it go. I do remind her in a calm tone that the words aren't appropriate and that will usually do the trick now. However, first I had to learn I had the right to demand at least outward respect.

    As the military says, you don't salute the man, you salute the rank. Well, in this house, I have the rank. She doesn't.
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Nothing like a big fat slice of humble pie to readjust the attitude. :redface:

    I hope things go more smoothly from now on.