Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Well, that didn't last long :(
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 635532" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>Finally home and will add some details. Husband GPS'd the kid today and saw where he was, which was how he got caught. He had been warned we would be checking on his mileage and GPS so he had to know. He tried to lie, then was told how dad knew and the hysterics started. When I got home I heard him shouting from the driveway. My husband was being quite calm. He tried his best to get us to "talk" to him. Shouting, throwing his arms around, slamming doors...while he insists he wasn't trying to start a fight he clearly was. We simply refused to talk to him until he calmed down. It took some time but he did enough that we could talk. Much was said, a good part of it was that he doesn't want to work (although he acknowledges he has to), he said his friends wouldn't leave him alone and talked him into it (although he acknowledges this is his fault and he made the choice) he said his friends are all losers and idiots and etc....but that he doesn't have anyone else.</p><p></p><p>I told my husband, he's like an abused woman who keeps going back to the man who beats her, but he's all she knows and all she has. His friends use him. They talk him into stuff and he goes along and he's the one who gets in trouble. He's always been that way. They do pretty much nothing for him and he uses his (our) car and his money (when he has it).</p><p></p><p>I'm not making an excuse. I wish I could explain it better.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, at one point he went on and on about being tired and stressed out and his friend kept bugging him, etc. and he hadn't smoked in quite a while and and so he went. We talked a bit about finding some other way to handle stress, etc. My husband said, "Now I know you aren't interested in counseling, but maybe you could use some of the time you spend on the internet looking for ideas to help with the stress." My son's response was to say to get him into counseling. We told him to sleep on it. He didn't want to. He said that he just wants to stop feeling the way he does. He wants things to get better. Then he cried a bit. He took the battery out of his phone so his friends can't call him. (Of course, we can't GPS him either...but we can check the mileage.)</p><p></p><p>We talked some more. We eventually had everything calmed down. Anyway, hubs and I talked and came up with what I said above. I asked my son again, when he was completely calm, if he wants to try counseling again. He said he does.</p><p></p><p>I told my son, and it's true, that this job is going to be rough on him. He's never worked and always been rather sedentary and suddenly he's doing manual labor from 6 a.m. to 3:30 p.m., and today was told it's going to be 6 days a week...maybe even 7...mandatory overtime. I actually think, whether subconsciously or not, he wanted to get caught and wanted to lose the car. When we were refusing to talk to him, he kept yelling things like, "Just yell at me. Take the car. Ground me. Do something." If we took the car and he couldn't get to work, he'd have an excuse to quit. Oh, it would be his fault, but he would fail just the same and would have an excuse. It 's like he likes to fail...or at least he sets himself up for it.</p><p></p><p>We have to have a plan for if it happens again. So far we told him he has it the rest of the week and we'll figure it out then. I think I'd at least for a while get up and take him to work if it comes to that...he can find his own way home. My husband works near there and gets off 1/2 hour later...he can wait. We haven't said any more tonight. By the time we got home from the second job, he was ready for bed and the last thing I want is to give him insomnia worrying about stuff...we'll talk tomorrow.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 635532, member: 17309"] Finally home and will add some details. Husband GPS'd the kid today and saw where he was, which was how he got caught. He had been warned we would be checking on his mileage and GPS so he had to know. He tried to lie, then was told how dad knew and the hysterics started. When I got home I heard him shouting from the driveway. My husband was being quite calm. He tried his best to get us to "talk" to him. Shouting, throwing his arms around, slamming doors...while he insists he wasn't trying to start a fight he clearly was. We simply refused to talk to him until he calmed down. It took some time but he did enough that we could talk. Much was said, a good part of it was that he doesn't want to work (although he acknowledges he has to), he said his friends wouldn't leave him alone and talked him into it (although he acknowledges this is his fault and he made the choice) he said his friends are all losers and idiots and etc....but that he doesn't have anyone else. I told my husband, he's like an abused woman who keeps going back to the man who beats her, but he's all she knows and all she has. His friends use him. They talk him into stuff and he goes along and he's the one who gets in trouble. He's always been that way. They do pretty much nothing for him and he uses his (our) car and his money (when he has it). I'm not making an excuse. I wish I could explain it better. Anyway, at one point he went on and on about being tired and stressed out and his friend kept bugging him, etc. and he hadn't smoked in quite a while and and so he went. We talked a bit about finding some other way to handle stress, etc. My husband said, "Now I know you aren't interested in counseling, but maybe you could use some of the time you spend on the internet looking for ideas to help with the stress." My son's response was to say to get him into counseling. We told him to sleep on it. He didn't want to. He said that he just wants to stop feeling the way he does. He wants things to get better. Then he cried a bit. He took the battery out of his phone so his friends can't call him. (Of course, we can't GPS him either...but we can check the mileage.) We talked some more. We eventually had everything calmed down. Anyway, hubs and I talked and came up with what I said above. I asked my son again, when he was completely calm, if he wants to try counseling again. He said he does. I told my son, and it's true, that this job is going to be rough on him. He's never worked and always been rather sedentary and suddenly he's doing manual labor from 6 a.m. to 3:30 p.m., and today was told it's going to be 6 days a week...maybe even 7...mandatory overtime. I actually think, whether subconsciously or not, he wanted to get caught and wanted to lose the car. When we were refusing to talk to him, he kept yelling things like, "Just yell at me. Take the car. Ground me. Do something." If we took the car and he couldn't get to work, he'd have an excuse to quit. Oh, it would be his fault, but he would fail just the same and would have an excuse. It 's like he likes to fail...or at least he sets himself up for it. We have to have a plan for if it happens again. So far we told him he has it the rest of the week and we'll figure it out then. I think I'd at least for a while get up and take him to work if it comes to that...he can find his own way home. My husband works near there and gets off 1/2 hour later...he can wait. We haven't said any more tonight. By the time we got home from the second job, he was ready for bed and the last thing I want is to give him insomnia worrying about stuff...we'll talk tomorrow. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Well, that didn't last long :(
Top