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Well, that didn't last long :(
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 635854" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Lil, hang in there. Try to get some distance from the day to day drama. It is what it is, and it is what it will be. And there truly isn't a single thing you can do to make it work or keep it from working. Remember that. Really. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Well, you may be his excuse, and you can't control that either, but you are not his excuse and you know that, and we know that, and deep down, he knows that. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Come on Lil. This is what we do: we react to what they say and do. And then...there are two crazy people instead of just one. Take a step back. I know it's really hard---I really do know---because when they finally do something potentially fruitful we get so freakin' engaged, enmeshed and involved. We want SO MUCH for it to work. I know this is how you feel, because this is how we all feel, Lil. We start thinking about what WE can do to help make it work. That is our first mistake. </p><p></p><p>Right now, my 25-year-old son is working 32 hours a week at a McDonald's. He's been there 7 or 8 weeks. He is homeless. He goes to work from sleeping outside or sleeping in a hotel room with a bunch of other people when possible. He rides a bike. He rides the bike from downtown where he sleeps outside somewhere, until he's rousted up and out from his sleeping place by the police from time to time, to be at work at 5 a.m. He rides the bike past the entrance to my neighborhood. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes---not often anymore---but from time to time, I can't believe the surreal nature of the fact that my son is completely homeless and I am living in a 3000 square foot house by myself. But if I step in now, even when it APPEARS that he is trying to change his own situation---I will rob him of the learning HE MUST DO---he must do---<u><strong>he must do</strong></u>---in order to become a functioning, contributing adult. </p><p></p><p>Yesterday he called and wanted a blanket. He left his blanket in a motel and when he went back to get it, it was gone. So I took him a blanket, and he gave me $200 to keep for him, and he talked about applying for help with deposits for an apartment from a nonprofit here who helps homeless people. I saw his arm where he had been stabbed---it looks like it is healing but he hasn't been back to the doctor. </p><p></p><p>I had to sit there, and listen, and say nothing, offer very little, except the blanket. I didn't give him any money. I didn't ask about going to the doctor. I didn't try to fix any of his life. It's taken me so long to get to this point and now I know---I must keep my mouth closed and sit on my hands, because if I don't, I will rob him of what he evidently must do on his own, without my help.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>He'll be fine. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Absolutely. It is completely up to him. And you know what---he may get fired. Or he may quit. And if he does, he will have learned something from this, and he will take that to the next job. </p><p></p><p>I'm not trying to say you should do what I do. The truth is different for each situation. But when we get too involved in their lives, it is never a good thing for them or for us. I have learned this lesson over the past nearly five years, and the hard way. I just want to share that with you today. Warm hugs. No judgment here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 635854, member: 17542"] Lil, hang in there. Try to get some distance from the day to day drama. It is what it is, and it is what it will be. And there truly isn't a single thing you can do to make it work or keep it from working. Remember that. Really. Well, you may be his excuse, and you can't control that either, but you are not his excuse and you know that, and we know that, and deep down, he knows that. Come on Lil. This is what we do: we react to what they say and do. And then...there are two crazy people instead of just one. Take a step back. I know it's really hard---I really do know---because when they finally do something potentially fruitful we get so freakin' engaged, enmeshed and involved. We want SO MUCH for it to work. I know this is how you feel, because this is how we all feel, Lil. We start thinking about what WE can do to help make it work. That is our first mistake. Right now, my 25-year-old son is working 32 hours a week at a McDonald's. He's been there 7 or 8 weeks. He is homeless. He goes to work from sleeping outside or sleeping in a hotel room with a bunch of other people when possible. He rides a bike. He rides the bike from downtown where he sleeps outside somewhere, until he's rousted up and out from his sleeping place by the police from time to time, to be at work at 5 a.m. He rides the bike past the entrance to my neighborhood. Sometimes---not often anymore---but from time to time, I can't believe the surreal nature of the fact that my son is completely homeless and I am living in a 3000 square foot house by myself. But if I step in now, even when it APPEARS that he is trying to change his own situation---I will rob him of the learning HE MUST DO---he must do---[U][B]he must do[/B][/U]---in order to become a functioning, contributing adult. Yesterday he called and wanted a blanket. He left his blanket in a motel and when he went back to get it, it was gone. So I took him a blanket, and he gave me $200 to keep for him, and he talked about applying for help with deposits for an apartment from a nonprofit here who helps homeless people. I saw his arm where he had been stabbed---it looks like it is healing but he hasn't been back to the doctor. I had to sit there, and listen, and say nothing, offer very little, except the blanket. I didn't give him any money. I didn't ask about going to the doctor. I didn't try to fix any of his life. It's taken me so long to get to this point and now I know---I must keep my mouth closed and sit on my hands, because if I don't, I will rob him of what he evidently must do on his own, without my help. He'll be fine. Absolutely. It is completely up to him. And you know what---he may get fired. Or he may quit. And if he does, he will have learned something from this, and he will take that to the next job. I'm not trying to say you should do what I do. The truth is different for each situation. But when we get too involved in their lives, it is never a good thing for them or for us. I have learned this lesson over the past nearly five years, and the hard way. I just want to share that with you today. Warm hugs. No judgment here. [/QUOTE]
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