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Went to therapist appointment
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<blockquote data-quote="WSM" data-source="post: 284458" data-attributes="member: 5169"><p>difficult child has never sexually abused anyone or been sexually abused. </p><p> </p><p>He is not going to a YMCA camp or regular camp, but to a military-style camp for disturbed kids, a wilderness thing where they march two days into the woods, live in tents, and supposedly learn some self discipline. Last year difficult child went to a wilderness weekend like this and we got 6 weeks of good behavior out of him. We are hoping for three weeks of peace while he's at camp and then maybe again a month or two of cooperation. This wilderness camp is run by a military school for problem kids, and it's supposed to prep the kids for the school. difficult child will not be going to this school, which costs about $45,000 a year, but he won't know that that is not an option, at least at first. So maybe camp will give us a couple months respite.</p><p> </p><p></p><p> </p><p>The therapist says that he does need immediate intervention and long term placement for everyone's benefit. He seemed annoyed that husband hadn't taken steps to find placement for difficult child; his attitude being it seems: 'well, you are going to have these problems if you don't place him', as though it was our fault difficult child was causing us misery. </p><p> </p><p>I asked him straight out how to get him placed, and the therapist didn't know. He'd worked in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for adolescent boys for 7 years and said he knew there were kids who got placement and were funded by the state. He said contact the judge difficult child had, contact DCF. I said I knew about CHINS and some of the programs but all of them were based on family reunification and placement and in family services, and that funding was a problem. He agreed funding was a problem. husband said that there was a six month waiting list at the two facilities within 300 miles, therapist said, "Then get him on the waiting list." therapist also suggested we talk to the insurance company, maybe since difficult child didn't have cancer that savings could be used towards mental health treatment. Ooooo-kaaaaay....now we know he isn't realistic about funding; insurance companies don't want to pay legitimate benefits, they aren't going to get creative to help pay mental health benefits.</p><p> </p><p>I think if we need him to testify that difficult child is very disturbed, therapist will. But the psychiatrist won't. So I suppose we can leave her out. But still it leaves it up to us how to get him placement. I think we should go to the judge, but husband won't. At least not yet, and maybe never.</p><p> </p><p>As for getting rid of the doctor, the problem is we don't have a lot of options. He's highly recommended. He saw right off that difficult child was very disturbed (and he seems to have dropped the behavior modification thing). He's a neuropsychologist, a Ph.D who teaches at a major and respected hospital here with an excellent kid's mental health program. He's worked in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), and he's written a couple books. They are on closed head trauma in children. He's nationally known. And we haven't had a lot of success with other therapists. At least this one knows difficult child is very disturbed. </p><p> </p><p>Anyway, husband sulked all last night and came to bed about 3 am. When he was putting daughter 9 to bed last night I heard him say, "It's your responsibility to make sure nothing happens to it..." Honestly, I'm not sure what he was talking about, but I hope it's not about her things and making it her responsibility that difficult child doesn't break or steal them. Since husband wasn't successful at protecting his own things, he's wrong to give her a hard time about it. He doesn't want her to complain about difficult child to anyone except him, but when she does he gives her a hard time. A couple weeks ago she was crying because difficult child broke a toy. husband didn't want to admit it was difficult child who did it, thought she might have done it herself or someone else, and there was no proof difficult child did it, and how could difficult child do it, and what was she crying about. And he was rough with her. </p><p> </p><p>He wants her to let it go, to keep quiet, but even tho difficult child doesn't physically hurt her, it ***** to be difficult child's younger sister and she's not going to keep quiet. And I encourage her to tell people how she feels, her teachers, her friends, me, whomever. And she's got spunk and is verbal and knows her mind, even though she's good natured and eager to please--she's not a doormat. </p><p> </p><p>Last night at therapy I brought up the fact her DS was smashed and he shut me down, "that's between me, my son and my daughter, and I'll deal with it." Except he doesn't...</p><p> </p><p>But one day soon he will. I see the day coming when he will have to choose between his kids. And then he actually had the nerve to tell my kids what to do, well, that's between me and my kids, and he can butt himself out. This is going to be dealt with in marital therapy.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WSM, post: 284458, member: 5169"] difficult child has never sexually abused anyone or been sexually abused. He is not going to a YMCA camp or regular camp, but to a military-style camp for disturbed kids, a wilderness thing where they march two days into the woods, live in tents, and supposedly learn some self discipline. Last year difficult child went to a wilderness weekend like this and we got 6 weeks of good behavior out of him. We are hoping for three weeks of peace while he's at camp and then maybe again a month or two of cooperation. This wilderness camp is run by a military school for problem kids, and it's supposed to prep the kids for the school. difficult child will not be going to this school, which costs about $45,000 a year, but he won't know that that is not an option, at least at first. So maybe camp will give us a couple months respite. The therapist says that he does need immediate intervention and long term placement for everyone's benefit. He seemed annoyed that husband hadn't taken steps to find placement for difficult child; his attitude being it seems: 'well, you are going to have these problems if you don't place him', as though it was our fault difficult child was causing us misery. I asked him straight out how to get him placed, and the therapist didn't know. He'd worked in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for adolescent boys for 7 years and said he knew there were kids who got placement and were funded by the state. He said contact the judge difficult child had, contact DCF. I said I knew about CHINS and some of the programs but all of them were based on family reunification and placement and in family services, and that funding was a problem. He agreed funding was a problem. husband said that there was a six month waiting list at the two facilities within 300 miles, therapist said, "Then get him on the waiting list." therapist also suggested we talk to the insurance company, maybe since difficult child didn't have cancer that savings could be used towards mental health treatment. Ooooo-kaaaaay....now we know he isn't realistic about funding; insurance companies don't want to pay legitimate benefits, they aren't going to get creative to help pay mental health benefits. I think if we need him to testify that difficult child is very disturbed, therapist will. But the psychiatrist won't. So I suppose we can leave her out. But still it leaves it up to us how to get him placement. I think we should go to the judge, but husband won't. At least not yet, and maybe never. As for getting rid of the doctor, the problem is we don't have a lot of options. He's highly recommended. He saw right off that difficult child was very disturbed (and he seems to have dropped the behavior modification thing). He's a neuropsychologist, a Ph.D who teaches at a major and respected hospital here with an excellent kid's mental health program. He's worked in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), and he's written a couple books. They are on closed head trauma in children. He's nationally known. And we haven't had a lot of success with other therapists. At least this one knows difficult child is very disturbed. Anyway, husband sulked all last night and came to bed about 3 am. When he was putting daughter 9 to bed last night I heard him say, "It's your responsibility to make sure nothing happens to it..." Honestly, I'm not sure what he was talking about, but I hope it's not about her things and making it her responsibility that difficult child doesn't break or steal them. Since husband wasn't successful at protecting his own things, he's wrong to give her a hard time about it. He doesn't want her to complain about difficult child to anyone except him, but when she does he gives her a hard time. A couple weeks ago she was crying because difficult child broke a toy. husband didn't want to admit it was difficult child who did it, thought she might have done it herself or someone else, and there was no proof difficult child did it, and how could difficult child do it, and what was she crying about. And he was rough with her. He wants her to let it go, to keep quiet, but even tho difficult child doesn't physically hurt her, it ***** to be difficult child's younger sister and she's not going to keep quiet. And I encourage her to tell people how she feels, her teachers, her friends, me, whomever. And she's got spunk and is verbal and knows her mind, even though she's good natured and eager to please--she's not a doormat. Last night at therapy I brought up the fact her DS was smashed and he shut me down, "that's between me, my son and my daughter, and I'll deal with it." Except he doesn't... But one day soon he will. I see the day coming when he will have to choose between his kids. And then he actually had the nerve to tell my kids what to do, well, that's between me and my kids, and he can butt himself out. This is going to be dealt with in marital therapy. [/QUOTE]
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