Some people just don't have the knack of tact and diplomacy.
husband had a difficult child aunt who regularly would open her mouth just to change feet. She never seemed to realise just how WRONG her remarks were. She wasn't mean or nasty in any way, just totally clueless.
I have told this story here before, but it IS priceless.
easy child was my first baby, and was also a very beautiful baby, even by baby standards and through my biased mother's eyes. I am not ugly, but neither do I get second looks. easy child did. Perhaps because she was malnourished before birth, so she didn't have rolls of fat; I don't know. But she had a perfect, full, rosebud mouth; wide blue-grey eyes loaded with lashes, and plenty of long, chestnut curls. She really did attract attention just because she was such a strikingly attractive baby.
Meanwhile I was still working full-time, had just gone back to work after only three months maternity leave. We were visiting a relative in hospital, husband had met me at work and after collecting easy child form child care, we had gone to the hospital as a family group. Since I worked alongside the men in a fairly male-dominated job, I wasn't exactly wearing typical female office wear. I was wearing jeans and t-shirt, with sneakers on my feet. I had changed easy child into a pretty white lacy dress.
As usual, everyone exclaimed over the baby. husband's aunt was especially vocal (why is it that the most tactless people also have the loudest voices?). She announced loudly to the whole family, plus everyone else on that entire floor of the hospital, "Oh, isn't she beautiful? What an absolutely beautiful baby! AND WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT YOU'D HAVE SUCH A PRETTY BABY?"
I just laughed. Her husband was scandalised and was kicking her shins under the coffee table ('how could you?" he hissed at her, while she glanced at him, bewildered, with a "what on earth is wrong with you?" look).
I understood exactly what she meant - I'm ordinary-looking, easy child was definitely extraordinary. It was like the child photos of Brooke Shields, with her mother (only mother, without makeup). But it sure didn't come out that way!
I'm sure that other patients and nurses thought the aunt was being nasty, because they didn't know her. But I knew she was a good-hearted woman and was simply trying to compliment me and express her delight in the extraordinary creature I had magically given birth to, like Helen of Troy hatched from a swan's egg. A goddess, from a barnyard creature.
So when you hear difficult child say something tactless, try to put a kind spin on it and use it as a teaching opportunity (if you can, without making it more obvious) instead of thinking he was being mean. If he WAS trying to be mean, then you take the wind out of his sails by deliberately not getting offended.
Meanwhile, make sure you write it all down. You can then trot it all out for his 21st. A really good plan - try to have 21 "gaffes" by the time his 21st birthday comes round. Write each one out in big print on a poster, and stick it to the wall with a number on it. You could even have a party game - ask the guests to guess how old he was when he said each one.
A mother's vengeance is definitely a much more enjoyable dish when served cold!
Marg
