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What distance is safe?!
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<blockquote data-quote="Albatross" data-source="post: 625089" data-attributes="member: 17720"><p>We had lunch with difficult child yesterday. He is still living at the halfway house, still working for the tree service. He said that it is sometimes very hard for him, at the end of the day when the crew stops to get a cold beer. I asked him what he does to cope with that, and he said he tries to think past that first beer, to realize that if he had one, he would "be stopping the dump truck at every 7-11 on the way home for another beer, cuz I can't just have one." Then he gets a Big Gulp.</p><p></p><p>This is a VERY big thing for difficult child, to think ahead that way, to think beyond the immediate pleasure or pain of something. </p><p></p><p>Today is his 60th day of sobriety. I was shouting from the rooftops and pulling the strings on those little party poppers -- ON THE INSIDE. </p><p></p><p>On the outside I just told him we were so happy to see how much better he is doing, and that we know he has worked very hard for this. </p><p></p><p>And it felt like the right amount of "fuss" to make about it. He didn't get that hard expression I have seen sometimes, when I am "too" happy for him. </p><p></p><p>When difficult child was younger I made absolutely sure he knew how wonderful I thought he was. Even when he did something wrong, I always managed to find some way of shading it to point out how wonderful he was. I excused away a lot of bad behavior that way. It was like a bottomless pit of positive self-esteem building. </p><p></p><p>Looking back, I think it was probably quite a burden, not to mention confusing and even quite frightening, to have to be that wonderful, even when he'd screwed up. </p><p></p><p>The 60 days thing is really great, REALLY great. It IS wonderful, and he truly DID do this all by himself. No matter what tomorrow brings, today he gets another chip and he knows that he earned 60 days under his belt. And calm acknowledgement feels about right, that today he's doing what he's supposed to do, what most of us just quietly do every day. As he should. </p><p></p><p>Maybe I'm starting to get that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Albatross, post: 625089, member: 17720"] We had lunch with difficult child yesterday. He is still living at the halfway house, still working for the tree service. He said that it is sometimes very hard for him, at the end of the day when the crew stops to get a cold beer. I asked him what he does to cope with that, and he said he tries to think past that first beer, to realize that if he had one, he would "be stopping the dump truck at every 7-11 on the way home for another beer, cuz I can't just have one." Then he gets a Big Gulp. This is a VERY big thing for difficult child, to think ahead that way, to think beyond the immediate pleasure or pain of something. Today is his 60th day of sobriety. I was shouting from the rooftops and pulling the strings on those little party poppers -- ON THE INSIDE. On the outside I just told him we were so happy to see how much better he is doing, and that we know he has worked very hard for this. And it felt like the right amount of "fuss" to make about it. He didn't get that hard expression I have seen sometimes, when I am "too" happy for him. When difficult child was younger I made absolutely sure he knew how wonderful I thought he was. Even when he did something wrong, I always managed to find some way of shading it to point out how wonderful he was. I excused away a lot of bad behavior that way. It was like a bottomless pit of positive self-esteem building. Looking back, I think it was probably quite a burden, not to mention confusing and even quite frightening, to have to be that wonderful, even when he'd screwed up. The 60 days thing is really great, REALLY great. It IS wonderful, and he truly DID do this all by himself. No matter what tomorrow brings, today he gets another chip and he knows that he earned 60 days under his belt. And calm acknowledgement feels about right, that today he's doing what he's supposed to do, what most of us just quietly do every day. As he should. Maybe I'm starting to get that. [/QUOTE]
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