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Parent Emeritus
What distance is safe?!
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<blockquote data-quote="Albatross" data-source="post: 625703" data-attributes="member: 17720"><p>Yes, me too Amy. </p><p></p><p>I saw this today: "The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them." - Thomas Merton</p><p></p><p>Sometimes, more lately, I find myself questioning my whole bedrock of assumptions, all the filters through which I have seen difficult child. Cedar said something on another thread about how easy it is to superimpose their toddler faces over their now adult ones. I think this is true. Once difficult child said to me in a moment of anger, "Mom, you think you know me, but you don't know me at all!" I think this is true also. I used to take such pride in seeing myself as the only one who REALLY understood difficult child, who appreciated the vulnerable, scared little boy hiding underneath all the anger and self-sabotage. I'm definitely moving from "Gee, he's so misunderstood" to "Jeez, he can be a real jerk sometimes." It's funny and surprising that saying that doesn't mean I don't love him any less, but it changes how much of my baggage I bring into it and dulls my rescue tendencies somewhat. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Thanks COM. Yes, who knows, and I am okay with seeing him. As you and other moms have wisely said, "It is what it is." <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Albatross, post: 625703, member: 17720"] Yes, me too Amy. I saw this today: "The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them." - Thomas Merton Sometimes, more lately, I find myself questioning my whole bedrock of assumptions, all the filters through which I have seen difficult child. Cedar said something on another thread about how easy it is to superimpose their toddler faces over their now adult ones. I think this is true. Once difficult child said to me in a moment of anger, "Mom, you think you know me, but you don't know me at all!" I think this is true also. I used to take such pride in seeing myself as the only one who REALLY understood difficult child, who appreciated the vulnerable, scared little boy hiding underneath all the anger and self-sabotage. I'm definitely moving from "Gee, he's so misunderstood" to "Jeez, he can be a real jerk sometimes." It's funny and surprising that saying that doesn't mean I don't love him any less, but it changes how much of my baggage I bring into it and dulls my rescue tendencies somewhat. Thanks COM. Yes, who knows, and I am okay with seeing him. As you and other moms have wisely said, "It is what it is." :) [/QUOTE]
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