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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 71109" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I agree with getting him to clean it. I would also let him go to the party if he gets it clean to your satisfaction - in our situation, the reason for cancelling the party would be because he had an urgent cleaning job to do. If he managed to miraculously get it clean in time, I would let him go. Wanting to go to the party would be the motivation to get the job done and not just be morose about it, hanging around listlessly and continuing to punish you (for what? Who knows?)</p><p></p><p>And don't be too sure he's not done it anywhere else. Although if it was only done during the middle of the night, chances are it IS all he's done, but a friend of mine has found her daughter's friend leaves little "messages" for her in various places, including the bin in the bathroom, the dirty laundry (not nice!) and under the house. It's like she's marking territory. her daughter tells hr the little girl does the same thing in hr own home and also tries to get her friends to join in, a sort of "if you're doing it to, it seems more normal."</p><p></p><p>As far as I know, there's been no sexual abuse or any other abuse but who can tell? Also, as far as her parents are concerned and as well as I know hr, she's easy child in every other way. I really can't understand it.</p><p></p><p>Thankfully, this little girl doesn't visit our house. difficult child 3 plays with her sometimes, I chat to her parents often but none of us have been game to say anything. They would be mortified if they realised we knew (assuming they know).</p><p></p><p>As for not wanting to disturb people in the middle of the night - we got into the habit of not flushing the loo (if possible) in the middle of the night because difficult child 3 was such a light sleeper, once woken he wouldn't go back to sleep. During the night we used the principle, "If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown, flush it down" (and don't put it in the waste basket or the dirty laundry).</p><p></p><p>It's also possible he's a really heavy sleeper at night, doesn't wake properly. Use this as a learning experience, he's been shamed enough (even if he won't show it) and support him as he cleans up. He needs these cleaning skills anyway (especially if he's going to do this sort of thing). I'm a firm believer in boys growing up to be domestically self-sufficient - or at least as capable as they can be, but no gender boundaries at all. If difficult child 1 wants a feed of tacos, I will help him prepare it himself. He once expressed the opinion that cooking was something women do, because we clearly enjoy doing it (since I was always in the kitchen, cooking and looking after them all). Amazingly, he survived having said this but ever since I've made sure he gets the hands-on experience at cooking, cleaning, sewing, washing ...</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 71109, member: 1991"] I agree with getting him to clean it. I would also let him go to the party if he gets it clean to your satisfaction - in our situation, the reason for cancelling the party would be because he had an urgent cleaning job to do. If he managed to miraculously get it clean in time, I would let him go. Wanting to go to the party would be the motivation to get the job done and not just be morose about it, hanging around listlessly and continuing to punish you (for what? Who knows?) And don't be too sure he's not done it anywhere else. Although if it was only done during the middle of the night, chances are it IS all he's done, but a friend of mine has found her daughter's friend leaves little "messages" for her in various places, including the bin in the bathroom, the dirty laundry (not nice!) and under the house. It's like she's marking territory. her daughter tells hr the little girl does the same thing in hr own home and also tries to get her friends to join in, a sort of "if you're doing it to, it seems more normal." As far as I know, there's been no sexual abuse or any other abuse but who can tell? Also, as far as her parents are concerned and as well as I know hr, she's easy child in every other way. I really can't understand it. Thankfully, this little girl doesn't visit our house. difficult child 3 plays with her sometimes, I chat to her parents often but none of us have been game to say anything. They would be mortified if they realised we knew (assuming they know). As for not wanting to disturb people in the middle of the night - we got into the habit of not flushing the loo (if possible) in the middle of the night because difficult child 3 was such a light sleeper, once woken he wouldn't go back to sleep. During the night we used the principle, "If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown, flush it down" (and don't put it in the waste basket or the dirty laundry). It's also possible he's a really heavy sleeper at night, doesn't wake properly. Use this as a learning experience, he's been shamed enough (even if he won't show it) and support him as he cleans up. He needs these cleaning skills anyway (especially if he's going to do this sort of thing). I'm a firm believer in boys growing up to be domestically self-sufficient - or at least as capable as they can be, but no gender boundaries at all. If difficult child 1 wants a feed of tacos, I will help him prepare it himself. He once expressed the opinion that cooking was something women do, because we clearly enjoy doing it (since I was always in the kitchen, cooking and looking after them all). Amazingly, he survived having said this but ever since I've made sure he gets the hands-on experience at cooking, cleaning, sewing, washing ... Marg [/QUOTE]
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