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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 286754" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I would not say or do anything. There is nothing you CAN do. Sadly, her father programmed her to behave this way. The way he treated you in the divorce and after have proven to her that you have no power. Her father raised her with all the privileges, and at the time most young people are learning how to handle bills, payments, the basics of living a life, her dad put hobbles on her. he paid all of her bills for those young 20's years when you learn that stuff.</p><p></p><p>The fact that her dad was WILLING to pay those bills told her she couldn't do anything, or be independent. NOw he has cut her off. He could have warned her he would end the money teat for twenty years and it still would not make her in any way independent. She doesn't feel she can support herself and have nice things. She isn't willing to do the entry level jobs and menial work that they require. She wasn't ever given a view of those as worthwhile or necessary things to do. So why would she?</p><p></p><p>I am not sure what he said, what he meant, what she said or meant. I know this situation is a train wreck waiting to happen. I know you love her very much. But anything you do will be "wrong" in her eyes and/or she will blame you for whatever if you are any way involved.</p><p></p><p>She needs to work this out. If there are signs of further abuse (assuming the guy takes her back) then I would yank her out of there if at all possible. I would press charges also if that happens. </p><p></p><p>Her dad helped create this, with his actions and his intent to force you out of her life. You have to let him take the responsibility for this. If you can listen noncommittally when she calls, maybe offer suggestions for her dad IF he calls you, that will be all you can do.</p><p></p><p>I hope she develops a better sense of self and a sense of purpose. I also hope that she is safe.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 286754, member: 1233"] I would not say or do anything. There is nothing you CAN do. Sadly, her father programmed her to behave this way. The way he treated you in the divorce and after have proven to her that you have no power. Her father raised her with all the privileges, and at the time most young people are learning how to handle bills, payments, the basics of living a life, her dad put hobbles on her. he paid all of her bills for those young 20's years when you learn that stuff. The fact that her dad was WILLING to pay those bills told her she couldn't do anything, or be independent. NOw he has cut her off. He could have warned her he would end the money teat for twenty years and it still would not make her in any way independent. She doesn't feel she can support herself and have nice things. She isn't willing to do the entry level jobs and menial work that they require. She wasn't ever given a view of those as worthwhile or necessary things to do. So why would she? I am not sure what he said, what he meant, what she said or meant. I know this situation is a train wreck waiting to happen. I know you love her very much. But anything you do will be "wrong" in her eyes and/or she will blame you for whatever if you are any way involved. She needs to work this out. If there are signs of further abuse (assuming the guy takes her back) then I would yank her out of there if at all possible. I would press charges also if that happens. Her dad helped create this, with his actions and his intent to force you out of her life. You have to let him take the responsibility for this. If you can listen noncommittally when she calls, maybe offer suggestions for her dad IF he calls you, that will be all you can do. I hope she develops a better sense of self and a sense of purpose. I also hope that she is safe. [/QUOTE]
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