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What do you know about Borderline Personality Disorder?
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<blockquote data-quote="DammitJanet" data-source="post: 401128" data-attributes="member: 1514"><p>I think Borderline (BPD) does get easier to cope with as one gets older too. Or maybe we just get more tired...lol. </p><p></p><p>For me, when I started therapy and learned I actually had borderline, I only really understood a few emotions. Yeah knew there were words for lots of different emotions because I am not stupid but I only recognized maybe 3 or 4 in myself. Thinking back I think they were rage, happy, sad. I didnt understand that most of the time I was really angry because I was scared. I would have never linked fear to anger. I learned that. I also learned that I can get really irritable when I am sad or feeling badly. I can cry when I am hurt. I know so many more emotions now but that also leaves me very vulnerable and I dont like vulnerable. Borderline (BPD) people dont do vulnerable well. I am in a bad place right now because I opened myself up to being vulnerable and I have had losses recently that make me wish I hadnt. Loss is hard for people with Borderline (BPD). Love is a very hard emotion for people with Borderline (BPD).</p><p></p><p>Really, Borderline (BPD) isnt a good description of this disorder. Emotional dysregulation disorder would be a better name. Our emotions are right on the top where we dont know how to control them. Its almost like we dont have a skin over top of our emotions so we cant block anything from touching our emotions and setting them off. They leak out all over the place just like a burn would weep if there was no skin to cover it. With help, you learn to regulate (or bandage) those wounds. I learned to tell my family that I was scared if they were late getting home so could they call me to tell me they were going to be late so that I wouldnt just scream at them as soon as they walked in the door. Then I knew all was well...they were just late...not laying in a ditch somewhere dead as I was imagining for hours on end. </p><p></p><p>All this took years of hard work. I still work HARD! You cannot imagine how hard it is not to pick up the first thing I see and throw it across the room when I get mad. How hard it is not to yell at people to get the F out of my house and leave me alone so I can push them away before they can leave me. (The old I will not let you hurt me because I will hurt you first syndrome) </p><p></p><p>If you read my post in WC you can see that I have been a bit upset the past couple of days. That is a bit of my Borderline (BPD) showing through. I get irritated and I cant let go. Of course, Im not "bad" enough that I would go out and stalk anyone or actually do more than vent on here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DammitJanet, post: 401128, member: 1514"] I think Borderline (BPD) does get easier to cope with as one gets older too. Or maybe we just get more tired...lol. For me, when I started therapy and learned I actually had borderline, I only really understood a few emotions. Yeah knew there were words for lots of different emotions because I am not stupid but I only recognized maybe 3 or 4 in myself. Thinking back I think they were rage, happy, sad. I didnt understand that most of the time I was really angry because I was scared. I would have never linked fear to anger. I learned that. I also learned that I can get really irritable when I am sad or feeling badly. I can cry when I am hurt. I know so many more emotions now but that also leaves me very vulnerable and I dont like vulnerable. Borderline (BPD) people dont do vulnerable well. I am in a bad place right now because I opened myself up to being vulnerable and I have had losses recently that make me wish I hadnt. Loss is hard for people with Borderline (BPD). Love is a very hard emotion for people with Borderline (BPD). Really, Borderline (BPD) isnt a good description of this disorder. Emotional dysregulation disorder would be a better name. Our emotions are right on the top where we dont know how to control them. Its almost like we dont have a skin over top of our emotions so we cant block anything from touching our emotions and setting them off. They leak out all over the place just like a burn would weep if there was no skin to cover it. With help, you learn to regulate (or bandage) those wounds. I learned to tell my family that I was scared if they were late getting home so could they call me to tell me they were going to be late so that I wouldnt just scream at them as soon as they walked in the door. Then I knew all was well...they were just late...not laying in a ditch somewhere dead as I was imagining for hours on end. All this took years of hard work. I still work HARD! You cannot imagine how hard it is not to pick up the first thing I see and throw it across the room when I get mad. How hard it is not to yell at people to get the F out of my house and leave me alone so I can push them away before they can leave me. (The old I will not let you hurt me because I will hurt you first syndrome) If you read my post in WC you can see that I have been a bit upset the past couple of days. That is a bit of my Borderline (BPD) showing through. I get irritated and I cant let go. Of course, Im not "bad" enough that I would go out and stalk anyone or actually do more than vent on here. [/QUOTE]
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