What has your difficult child taught you?
- Thread starter Malika
- Start date
trinityroyal
Well-Known Member
I have learned so many things from my difficult child, among them:
1) Attend to the behaviour, not the words. difficult child will be protesting vigorously with his mouth that he WON'T do such and such, while his feet and hands are doing exactly what I asked. As long as I say nothing further and let him get on with it, he gets it done. It's too easy to focus on the verbal output. Sometimes we need to look instead of listening.
2) Be explicit. With instructions, emotions, heck...with EVERYTHING. My difficult child has face blindness co-morbid with his aspergers. I have a flat affect because of my aspergers. His trying to read my face is pretty-much impossible. So I tell him. "I'm very happy with you right now." Or, "You're making me angry." Or whatever.
3) Say what you DO want, not what you DON'T want. difficult child (heck, ALL the children) are masters at selective hearing. If the only thing they hear is "socks in the hamper", when I've said "Don't put your socks in the hamper because I've trapped the pet hamster in there", then trouble will ensue. So, instead I say "Put your socks in the laundry basket" or whatever it is.
4) Save "No" for special occasions. In other words, only use it when it's essential.
5) Even in the most horrible moment ever, difficult child quirky humour can make everyone lose it with hysterical laughter. Which is often the best medicine for the horrible moment underway.
6) A weakness can be a strength when applied properly. difficult child's bossiness and grandiosity makes him great in a crisis, when other people are running around in a panic. He keeps a cool head, tells everyone what they should be doing, gets them calm, reassures them. The only fly in this ointment is that sometimes his judgement is off, so he sends people down the wrong path. We're working on that part.
There's so much more, but those are the first few things that come to mind.
Great thread Malika.
Trinity
1) Attend to the behaviour, not the words. difficult child will be protesting vigorously with his mouth that he WON'T do such and such, while his feet and hands are doing exactly what I asked. As long as I say nothing further and let him get on with it, he gets it done. It's too easy to focus on the verbal output. Sometimes we need to look instead of listening.
2) Be explicit. With instructions, emotions, heck...with EVERYTHING. My difficult child has face blindness co-morbid with his aspergers. I have a flat affect because of my aspergers. His trying to read my face is pretty-much impossible. So I tell him. "I'm very happy with you right now." Or, "You're making me angry." Or whatever.
3) Say what you DO want, not what you DON'T want. difficult child (heck, ALL the children) are masters at selective hearing. If the only thing they hear is "socks in the hamper", when I've said "Don't put your socks in the hamper because I've trapped the pet hamster in there", then trouble will ensue. So, instead I say "Put your socks in the laundry basket" or whatever it is.
4) Save "No" for special occasions. In other words, only use it when it's essential.
5) Even in the most horrible moment ever, difficult child quirky humour can make everyone lose it with hysterical laughter. Which is often the best medicine for the horrible moment underway.
6) A weakness can be a strength when applied properly. difficult child's bossiness and grandiosity makes him great in a crisis, when other people are running around in a panic. He keeps a cool head, tells everyone what they should be doing, gets them calm, reassures them. The only fly in this ointment is that sometimes his judgement is off, so he sends people down the wrong path. We're working on that part.
There's so much more, but those are the first few things that come to mind.
Great thread Malika.
Trinity
flutterby
Fly away!
1.) That I can carry on long after I think I've reached my tipping point.
2.) That there are a lot of ignorant people out there carrying around the title "professional".
3.) That, apparently, "No" doesn't really mean "No"; it just means you haven't been worn down enough yet.
4.) That those who are supposedly "healthy" and without "labels", are more close-minded and less empathic that my "problem" kid.
5.) That I would choose my child over my parents or spouse any day of the week.
6.) That I will learn everyday a different way to view the world - through the eyes of my child.
2.) That there are a lot of ignorant people out there carrying around the title "professional".
3.) That, apparently, "No" doesn't really mean "No"; it just means you haven't been worn down enough yet.
4.) That those who are supposedly "healthy" and without "labels", are more close-minded and less empathic that my "problem" kid.
5.) That I would choose my child over my parents or spouse any day of the week.
6.) That I will learn everyday a different way to view the world - through the eyes of my child.
Hound dog
Nana's are Beautiful
1. That I have endless patience, far beyond what I ever imagined.
2. That I am far far more stubborn than any of my children.
3. To hold dear and treasure even the most insignificant accomplishments because they too are important and are the necessary steps to the bigger accomplishments.
4. To realize that there is no such thing as "never".
5. To keep talking, they're listening whether they ever admit it to you or not.
2. That I am far far more stubborn than any of my children.
3. To hold dear and treasure even the most insignificant accomplishments because they too are important and are the necessary steps to the bigger accomplishments.
4. To realize that there is no such thing as "never".
5. To keep talking, they're listening whether they ever admit it to you or not.
StressedM0mma
Active Member
I have learned that I will fight to my last breath for my difficult child to receive the services she so desperately needs. I will no linger blindly accept what "professionals" tell me is best for her. That I am much stronger than I could ever imagine.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
That I can love, respect and even enjoy the type of child I never wanted...one that will forever need some sort of adult help. I did not know that it would be this way when we adopted Sonic. He won't need total care, but he will need help for about 20% of the functions in his life. Yet I don't regret our decision to bring him into our family. He taught me, more than anyone else, about tolerance of differences in all people.
That its possible to survive on 4 hours a sleep a night... for months on end.
That it IS possible to have the "best day" and the "worst day" on the same day.
That teachers don't know nearly as much as they want parents to believe they know.
That doctors aren't always right.
That grandmas are not always wrong.
That old ways or new ways or the same way or a different way is not necessarily better...
That life is trial and error, and the number of errors directly correlates to the amount of trials in our life.
That just because something got "ruled out" doesn't mean it doesn't exist... they may not have had the right test for it.
That it IS possible to have the "best day" and the "worst day" on the same day.
That teachers don't know nearly as much as they want parents to believe they know.
That doctors aren't always right.
That grandmas are not always wrong.
That old ways or new ways or the same way or a different way is not necessarily better...
That life is trial and error, and the number of errors directly correlates to the amount of trials in our life.
That just because something got "ruled out" doesn't mean it doesn't exist... they may not have had the right test for it.
