What is it about School that "tortures" my difficult child?

[4timmy]

Hi All!

I'd like to hear some supportive input/experiences regarding School. (He has an IEP, I have a meeting with the school this week to discuss a FBA, and he is seeing a Neuro psychologist currently.)

My difficult child thinks school is absolute "torture", he says it's too hard and that he's just not smart enough. OMG! You should hear him read! He's awesome! He is to the point in this school year that he is refusing to do any work, refusing to do much if any homework, and doing things on purpose just to get out of class. He's been suspended 4 times. It is something every day! According to teachers, the class he is in is very supportive and "protective" of him.

I'm having such a hard time understanding why such a bright and creative child can't handle it to the point of telling teachers "screw you!" and hitting his head against walls and stabbing himself with pencils. I just don't get the self-infliction and all the pain he is feeling. Sometimes I think that he just doesn't want to do it, that it doesn't fit with his Agenda, so he manipulates to get out of anything he doesn't want to do.

 

[BusynMember]

Hi there. Well, obviously, bright or not, your child has some problems making school "torture" for him. Brightness doesn't have a whole lot to do with school success. If the child is "normal" (whatever the heck THAT is), he can do well even if he has an average IQ--he can push himself and come home and sit and do homework and extra credit too. But if a bright child has some sort of problem/disorder hampering him, he may have an IQ of 160 yet be unable to adapt well to the routines and expectations of school--therefore an IEP is needed. Some kids also can NOT do a whole day of school and then sit down and do homework too--they just need to "veg" out because they are wired differently than "typical" kids. There are a few here who have "no homework" on IEPs. I have that on my son's. He gets everything done in a special study hall at school where he can ask for a teacher's help if he needs it (but he's gotten to the point where he can usually just finish his 'homework' alone, but in school). When he comes home he can relax from a day that, for him, is very stressful due to things that other kids just take in stride.
My son gets overstimulated by all the kids, all the noise, all the chaos, and just being around people. He is on the autism spectrum, although quite high functioning. He has learned ALMOST to adapt to school, and he LOVES it, but we got him a lot of help when he was younger. He has outgrown the need for much help and makes the honor roll with some Learning Disability (LD) assistance.
Take heart. Your boy IS creative and smart. He is just different, and needs to learn a different way. I don't recall if he has a neuropsychologist evaluation scheduled, but if he doesn't I suggest it would be a good idea. That way you'd get a really good idea as to why Timmy is so bright yet struggles in school--even considers it "torture." And you can learn ways to help him. Until you get to the root cause, he will likely struggle and and in my opinion an IEP will only be a band-aid until he gets the proper interventions. Timmy sounds like a great kid who is just overwhelmed. Sadly, teachers can then start to think he is "bad." He is NOT bad. WHen he yells at teachers, likely he is frustrated or overstimulated. Of course, you can't let it go, but see what's wrong with him before lowering the boom. JMO. Been there/done that. Good luck!!!

 

[DaisyFace]

Hi There!

As parents, we always look to academic challenges first--but I wonder, as I read your post, if there is something non-academic going on in class.

Is your son comparing himself to one of his classmates? Is that why he feels he is not "smart enough"? Not smart enough for what--or compared to whom? Is he afraid to try for fear of not being as good as So-and-So? Is he afraid to try because he is afraid of making mistakes? Is the very supportive and 'protective' class making him feel like there is something wrong or different about him--thus the protective attitude?

I think I would almost explore the emotional side of school being "torture" for him before I would make any adjustments to his IEP.

Just my two cents...

--DaisyF

 

[Sheila]

Could be a combination of things.

Many of our kids have to be "on" each school day in order to get through without making a blunder -- social, behavior, or academically. Very stressful and creates anxiety.

They know they are "different" from regular kids. That's just one self-esteem issue on it's own.

Looking at your difficult child's dxs of ADHD/ODD/Sensory Integration Disorder (SID)/Tourette's Syndrome he's got his hands full.

This is an Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) simulation from : Turn on the radio, but don't tune it. Leave it on static and fuzz. Turn it up. Ask someone to turn the lights on and off, at will. Strap yourself into a broken chair that is missing a leg and use a table that is off balance - you know the ones in restaurants that makes us all so mad. Now, put on some scratchy lace in place of a comfy T-shirt, put your pants on backwards and wear shoes one size too small. Pour a bowl of grated parmesan cheese, open a can of sardines and bring the cat box to the table. Now, snack on your least favorite food; the one you NEVER eat because it comes with a gag reflex.

There's an ADHD simulation at www.pediatricneurology.com .

These are just the aggravations that can present with-these 2 disorders. Add in the Tourette's Syndrome. Throw in trying to fit in with-the other students, trying to please teacher, trying to learn......

And the home environment is so different.....

I've said many times that my difficult child is my hero. I'm not sure I'd be able to function if I had all his problems. (I try to remember this when I'm about to ring his neck. lol)

It's sad tho. School is such a nightmare for my son also, that there are times when I feel like I'm committing emotional child abuse by making him go.

 

[4timmy]

Midwest Mom -Thanks for your wisdom. As always, it puts some perspective into our situation. I also very much like the idea of putting no homework in his IEP. I didn't realize you could do that.

DaisyFace - Great questions..... something to ponder and ask about.

Sheila - LOVE the simulation. Helps "normal" people put it into perspective..... and you are right, they are heroes.