What?!?!? Stupid State / County People...

[DaisyFace]

DF,
What exactly was this meeting scheduled to accomplish? I have been drowning in my own busy schedule and I may have missed some posts. Are they still playing the blame game? At what point do we look for very real solutions or at least support to move forward. How aware are they of Borderline Personality and it's difficulties? What is their training? Have you had any luck with showing them that DBT is about the best and only option to making real changes? How will they follow up with the schools to "demand" more in terms of expectations? Why does this matter so much to them? In my experience (difficult child with borderline traits and also gifted),more pressure equals melt downs, innability to stabalize, and hospitalizations. The prognosis is not good if her emotional health is not stabalized and you do not get support.

.

I don't know your situation, but is there a way to get a decent private psychiatrist? One who knows teens and this disorder? I just dont see any help from these state/county people. I see them making things worse and you suffering all the time. Is this worth it? Can you pull out and seek help from a nonprofit(United Way??) or church? I am thinking of you and hoping for the best. (((Hugs)))

Exhausted--

There is nothing positive that this meeting can accomplish right now.

1) psychiatrist has not seen difficult child since June - yet he will be at the meeting to recommend goals.

2)therapist (who is leaving) so far discussed the ONE goal of difficult child doing better in school (and the whole "higher standards" garbage)....and NO - she does NOT seem to realize that more pressure = more meltdowns - but she will be at the meeting to recommend more goals.

3) Supervisor from state will be turning our case over to somebody new (who has not yet been hired) soon - yet she will be there to recommend more goals.

4) Replacement for Behavior Therapist has not yet been found - but recommendations will be put in place for that future agency (?)

It is absolutely ridiculous that a meeting will be held at this time between all these parties who are leaving to determine goals for people who have not been hired.

That's another reason I am so suspicious...

And YES - I would LOVE to get out...but I have to figure out a way to do that without taking on undue liability or being noted as "uncooperative" or "Incompetent" parents

 

[exhausted]

DF,
So can you say that you have seen no benefit and that they have switched people at every turn and that you and husband are very serious about real help? Can you say that you will be seeking it somewhere where you can find the expertise that the state/county lacks? Is this court ordered? If so can a jusge be informed or this fiasco? Can you stall the meeting by stating the very real fact that involved parties are departing and that new parties are not present and you feel it is time waster and also the fact that husband is not able to be there and this will not work for your family?

 

[DaisyFace]

DF,
So can you say that you have seen no benefit and that they have switched people at every turn and that you and husband are very serious about real help? Can you say that you will be seeking it somewhere where you can find the expertise that the state/county lacks? Is this court ordered? If so can a jusge be informed or this fiasco? Can you stall the meeting by stating the very real fact that involved parties are departing and that new parties are not present and you feel it is time waster and also the fact that husband is not able to be there and this will not work for your family?

This is along the lines of what I am thinking....

 

[TerryJ2]

Oh dear, this is getting scarier and scarier. I am so glad there are so many wise, experienced people on this board. It does, indeed, sound like a set-up.
Gosh, I wish there were something more I could do for you besides just offer hugs.
But I'll offer them anyway.

 

[Marguerite]

"I am sorry, but due to lack of notice I am unable to attnd the meeting on X date. I also do not feel comfortable proceeding with such a meeting without the presence of someone form her school and also her father. If all interested parties are to be represented, then the school and both parents should have been given ample opportunity to arrange their schedules so they can attend.

In the interests of ensuring that this does not delay the setting of goals, perhaps while we wait to set up a more well-attended and balanced meeting, we could share with one another the proposed agenda? I very much wish to see some realistic and effective supports in place for my daughter; we have been trying to get appropriate help for her for many years now. It is perhaps a more complex situation than is realised at a superficial glance."

Or words to that effect.

And yes, power-dress, but don't overdo it. Do not look like the business executive parent who is too busy with a job to pay attention to the child. Instead, dress "smart casual" with sensible shoes. Minimal make-up. No manicure. Hair pulled back severely. Look conservative and dowdy, rather than professionally polished. But still neat, clean and a little expensive.

Got to run - time to go cook dinner for mother in law. My brain will be ticking over in the meantime...

Marg