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What was I thinking?????
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 81018" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Well I for one looked at the monitor saw your name and thought OH GOD not again.....but for a different reason. </p><p></p><p>I thought you were actually entertaining the idea of taking him back. HOWEVER it seems that you have found somewhat of a staying away from him power. I would make it a permanent stay away. No more dinners, no more picking the dog up (that's always a good excuse and what does the dog think of going back and forth?), then he sits there and gets teary eyed (OH DEAR....he's really a great actor isn't he? Didn't he have someone better to do during the time he was at the table with you .....er I mean something.) </p><p></p><p>I'm not sorry I come off blunt about this. I think in what is it like 27 years of marriage you've done this and that and he's put you in a place mentally that would for most be a pit to get out of. </p><p>Maybe you don't like what I have to say or you think, gosh you don't know my husband. Your right, I don't know him. I do know manipulative behaviors, behaviors to get back in your good graces, behaviors that make you feel you have a duty to own the problem, behaviors that make you want to apologize to him when you've done nothing wrong. </p><p></p><p>Separation means....APART. Tell him to get over himself. ANd if there are future banquets, sing alongs, Karaoke, poker nights and it could bring him around? Tell your friends you're out. </p><p></p><p>I don't think at this point he's figured anything out. He hasn't figured out that he hurt you, that HE was wrong, that he made you crazy when you were trying to get through a funeral and a visit from your Father, I don't think he's figured out that he appreciates you, needs you, wants you. </p><p></p><p>I think....what he's figured out, is that dating after 27 years of marriage is the pits, trying to fit in in the fast lane when he's been in the recliner by 9:00 every night works for him. I think that he's figured out that if YOU aren't there to do (Whatever) he HAS TO DO IT HIMSELF. Hence I think what he is trying to figure out are the right words to patch the crossword puzzle of your life so he can be comfortable again, and then if you let him back in.....BLAMO he's got you by the short hairs. </p><p></p><p>I'm not a bitter x wife, and believe me if I ever finish the book about my marriage it will surely be a best seller in science fiction because NO ONE would ever believe a woman would take back a man who was so foul for the sake of marriage so many times....(usually each time after he did someone, and then came crawling home that he'd seen the light, I was wonderful, and he needed me) CRAP.....I wasted my time doing that in my late 20's and 30's and I'd have to ask you Karen to ask yourself this simple thing. </p><p></p><p>How old am I? Double that number....</p><p>Do you think you will live to that number OR...</p><p>Is your life 1/2 over or MORE than 1/2 over </p><p>AFter you answer that ask yourself </p><p>WHAT do I want to DO with what life I have left? </p><p>=take care of someone who didn't take care of me and maniplulated every situation EVEN when we were separated so he could get back to his comfort level? </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>nope :rolleyes:</p><p></p><p>I'm pulling for you kid....I really am. I chose to have what years I had left (as an aging person knowing the young, healthy, viable, slim goodlooking years have passed) in peace, and being loved by someone who loved me for who I am despite my flaws. </p><p></p><p>Give him a deck of cards and tell him to deal with it. HE called this game - not you. </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star </p><p>Not me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 81018, member: 4964"] Well I for one looked at the monitor saw your name and thought OH GOD not again.....but for a different reason. I thought you were actually entertaining the idea of taking him back. HOWEVER it seems that you have found somewhat of a staying away from him power. I would make it a permanent stay away. No more dinners, no more picking the dog up (that's always a good excuse and what does the dog think of going back and forth?), then he sits there and gets teary eyed (OH DEAR....he's really a great actor isn't he? Didn't he have someone better to do during the time he was at the table with you .....er I mean something.) I'm not sorry I come off blunt about this. I think in what is it like 27 years of marriage you've done this and that and he's put you in a place mentally that would for most be a pit to get out of. Maybe you don't like what I have to say or you think, gosh you don't know my husband. Your right, I don't know him. I do know manipulative behaviors, behaviors to get back in your good graces, behaviors that make you feel you have a duty to own the problem, behaviors that make you want to apologize to him when you've done nothing wrong. Separation means....APART. Tell him to get over himself. ANd if there are future banquets, sing alongs, Karaoke, poker nights and it could bring him around? Tell your friends you're out. I don't think at this point he's figured anything out. He hasn't figured out that he hurt you, that HE was wrong, that he made you crazy when you were trying to get through a funeral and a visit from your Father, I don't think he's figured out that he appreciates you, needs you, wants you. I think....what he's figured out, is that dating after 27 years of marriage is the pits, trying to fit in in the fast lane when he's been in the recliner by 9:00 every night works for him. I think that he's figured out that if YOU aren't there to do (Whatever) he HAS TO DO IT HIMSELF. Hence I think what he is trying to figure out are the right words to patch the crossword puzzle of your life so he can be comfortable again, and then if you let him back in.....BLAMO he's got you by the short hairs. I'm not a bitter x wife, and believe me if I ever finish the book about my marriage it will surely be a best seller in science fiction because NO ONE would ever believe a woman would take back a man who was so foul for the sake of marriage so many times....(usually each time after he did someone, and then came crawling home that he'd seen the light, I was wonderful, and he needed me) CRAP.....I wasted my time doing that in my late 20's and 30's and I'd have to ask you Karen to ask yourself this simple thing. How old am I? Double that number.... Do you think you will live to that number OR... Is your life 1/2 over or MORE than 1/2 over AFter you answer that ask yourself WHAT do I want to DO with what life I have left? =take care of someone who didn't take care of me and maniplulated every situation EVEN when we were separated so he could get back to his comfort level? nope [img]:rolleyes:[/img] I'm pulling for you kid....I really am. I chose to have what years I had left (as an aging person knowing the young, healthy, viable, slim goodlooking years have passed) in peace, and being loved by someone who loved me for who I am despite my flaws. Give him a deck of cards and tell him to deal with it. HE called this game - not you. Hugs Star Not me. [/QUOTE]
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