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What would you do differently? mini vent
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<blockquote data-quote="therese005us" data-source="post: 278779" data-attributes="member: 7416"><p>Ditto: don't be so hard on yourself.</p><p>My DS has been home for eight months now!! the first three felt like 3 years... I was so happy he was home I just about let him dictate the place.</p><p>My daughter saw it before I did. I was so stressed.</p><p>Then I started locking down with some rules..</p><p>No alcohol or drugs on the property</p><p>I won't lend him money for drugs, drink or cigarettes</p><p>i won't lend him my computer to watch his movies on or download stuff etc. I told him, it's my private computer, therefore I have a right to say no. He didn't like that at first, but I held my tongue and bit down hard, and stuck with it. It was hard.</p><p>He isn't allowed into certain areas of the house - no ifs or buts.</p><p>He did overstep the mark and go into daughter's room - that was my fear... and I let him have it! He did try to?? molest her when she was about 2 and she has never forgotten it. </p><p> </p><p>i love him so much, I want to give him everything he wants, just for coming home again... but I can't and i shouldn't.</p><p> </p><p>So, you can draw up a set of rules/boundaries and have a meeting with him about what the guidelines are when he visits.</p><p>If he doesn't agree to them, sorry, we'll have to meet on neutral ground or something similar.</p><p> </p><p>Good luck. I know from my own heart, how hard it is to let your heart rule, and your head just gets all fuzzy....</p><p> </p><p>As parents, we are pretty vulnerable and fragile aren't we?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="therese005us, post: 278779, member: 7416"] Ditto: don't be so hard on yourself. My DS has been home for eight months now!! the first three felt like 3 years... I was so happy he was home I just about let him dictate the place. My daughter saw it before I did. I was so stressed. Then I started locking down with some rules.. No alcohol or drugs on the property I won't lend him money for drugs, drink or cigarettes i won't lend him my computer to watch his movies on or download stuff etc. I told him, it's my private computer, therefore I have a right to say no. He didn't like that at first, but I held my tongue and bit down hard, and stuck with it. It was hard. He isn't allowed into certain areas of the house - no ifs or buts. He did overstep the mark and go into daughter's room - that was my fear... and I let him have it! He did try to?? molest her when she was about 2 and she has never forgotten it. i love him so much, I want to give him everything he wants, just for coming home again... but I can't and i shouldn't. So, you can draw up a set of rules/boundaries and have a meeting with him about what the guidelines are when he visits. If he doesn't agree to them, sorry, we'll have to meet on neutral ground or something similar. Good luck. I know from my own heart, how hard it is to let your heart rule, and your head just gets all fuzzy.... As parents, we are pretty vulnerable and fragile aren't we? [/QUOTE]
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