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When they have to be hospitilized
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 295417" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>~ Is Little Bear really considered being a danger to others since he is just 5yo?</p><p>~ Do we decide to place him inpatient or his Dr?</p><p>~ Has your child been placed inpatient and at what age?</p><p>~ How did you decide or what prompted an inpatient stay?</p><p></p><p> </p><p>Hi Mandy - welcome to the board. </p><p> </p><p>My son (Dude) is now 18. By the time he was six years old he had been through more hell on earth than most grown people I know. That said when we took him to the hospital for an evaluation we really didn't have a choice it was made for us. Dude was explosive, violent, lashed out, angry all the time. He had a short SHORT fuse. What caused us to take him to the hospital the first time wasn't him hitting me, or pulling my hair or screaming, refusing to do what I asked repetedly, kicking, destroying his toys, my home, my belongings. It was pulling an antique grain scythe off the wall (decoration) and chasing a neighbor boy down the street screaming "I'll kill you you SOB." and meaning it. Had my son caught this kid for merely trying to play with him and another boy I believe at that time he would have killed him. THAT didn't get him the stay at the psychiatric hospital either. (Believe it or not) </p><p>We got him in the car - got him to the hospital to be evaluated - and sat there for two hours after telling he nurses - what he had done. While we sat there nurses did watch us in the waiting room, but I had left in such a hurry that I didn't bring any money for the vending machines. When Dude wanted snacks and didn't get any? He went berzerk and despite my getting a paper cup and water - he wanted a soda and crackers. When he didn't get it? He tore the waiting room apart. He ripped magazines up, stood on end tables, pounded on fish tanks, tried to tear pictures off the walls, beat on the glass - and FINALLY the nurses who would stare and glare at me - got him in the back into a room and tried to calm him down. By this time? He was in full bore rage, kicking and screaming - he destroyed the ER room, was ripping stuff off the walls, throwing things and they called 2 police who promptly handcuffed him to the bed. Then he began to curse and swear and they shut the door and the lady cop got in his face and told him to shut up and he spat on her, tried to kick her and THAT would have been assault - but the nurse had called a mental health worker. He had messed in his pants - was so upset he was red in the face, couldn't breathe, hyper ventilated himself and they finally gave him a shot of something to calm him down. </p><p> </p><p>When the mental health worker got there - I was a wreck. All I could do was tell her that THIS is what I deal with - ALONE - all the time. I left an abusive relationship and he lived through it too. No one had ANY idea what we lived through. From there - they called the city police and there had been a parade or something and no one was available - so they called a k-9 unit. A van showed up that hauls dogs - and my son was handcuffed at six years old - tiny little fella - hauled to the van - and handcuffed like a criminal to the bars in the back of the dog transport and hauled to the state hospital. There he was made to stand against the wall and had his picture for intake snapped and wisked off to a room. </p><p> </p><p>It was the single worst day of my life. I wasn't allowed to see him for six weeks while they assessed him. They told me it was for his best interest. WE talked on the phone, but that was it. They observed him, got him on medications and kept him for six months. It was by their standards an unusually long stay. From there he went to a group Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for three months and then home. </p><p> </p><p>That began the cycle for us. A few months at home - then he would become out of control again - then the school would kick him out. Then I'd have to quit work - or find someone to take him during the day - and then? I had no idea HE had rights or that anyone else like us existed. </p><p> </p><p>When I found this place I think Dude was around nine years old. By then we had already been to around four or five Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s, and black-listed from every day care, I had no idea there was such a thing as an IEP or 504, I had never heard of NAMI, what was CONDUCT DISORDER??? - I was just a bad Mother who was abused and my kid was a product of that environment - and there was very little help for either of us. We had mental health - not much help where we are, the school counselor, the school psychiatrist and a few books on out of control kids. There was very little advice on dietary changes except DONT GIVE YOUR KIDS RED DYE or NO artifical sweetener - so I didn't. </p><p> </p><p>Thirteen years later and numerous psychiatric hospitals, Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s, group homes, Department of Juvenile Justice, jail, courts, and now foster care, 65 plus medications, suicide attempts, anger management, ropes courses, wilderness camps, therapy, hypno therapy, EMDR therapy, counselors, prayers, psychologists, family therapy, and hundreds of books, workshops and the like - we're just able to peek our nose above water and hope that in a few weeks when he turns 19 - that he has had ENOUGH....and makes good decisions for himself. </p><p> </p><p>I never TOLD a doctor he was staying - they always told us. So I never got to make the decision. Parents do not get that choice. </p><p> </p><p>I hope this helps you make some decisions for your son and your family. I don't know if I would do anything different if given the chance - except maybe I would have found the last family therapist we did who we all really seemed to connect with and worked with him from the get-go. He was more helpful to us as parents and helping us stay one step ahead of Dude than any other book, workshop or therapist. He also was able to give Dude one-on-one attention that our kids seem to crave. Sometimes you are left with having to get your kids to base (no medications) to get their systems re-started, and at home is a tough place to do that. Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s are helpful for that and when kids are a little older PEER PRESSURE is extremely good for making them mature. </p><p> </p><p>I think our kids have something that doesn't allow them genetically to mature normally - even though Dude is going to be physically 19 next month - emotionally he's just about 16 now. He behaves like someone you see that is a normal 16. Doesn't take a lot of showers - dirty fingernails - worrys about how everyone else is dressed - looking to be in a clicky society - things like that - not typical 19 year old behavior - more 16. At five - your son is most likely exhibiting behaviors of a three year old??? Just guessing. Hitting, slapping.....etc? Something to explore with a really good therapist. And if you don't like the one you go to - quit- find another and another and another until you all find one you like and connect with. These kids divide families - our divorce rate is high. So getting a handle on it now - is very important. Probably the MOST important next to telling them a lot - YOU ARE LOVED, BUT that behavior isn't tolerated. </p><p> </p><p>Hope this helps some....</p><p>Hugs & Welcome</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 295417, member: 4964"] ~ Is Little Bear really considered being a danger to others since he is just 5yo? ~ Do we decide to place him inpatient or his Dr? ~ Has your child been placed inpatient and at what age? ~ How did you decide or what prompted an inpatient stay? Hi Mandy - welcome to the board. My son (Dude) is now 18. By the time he was six years old he had been through more hell on earth than most grown people I know. That said when we took him to the hospital for an evaluation we really didn't have a choice it was made for us. Dude was explosive, violent, lashed out, angry all the time. He had a short SHORT fuse. What caused us to take him to the hospital the first time wasn't him hitting me, or pulling my hair or screaming, refusing to do what I asked repetedly, kicking, destroying his toys, my home, my belongings. It was pulling an antique grain scythe off the wall (decoration) and chasing a neighbor boy down the street screaming "I'll kill you you SOB." and meaning it. Had my son caught this kid for merely trying to play with him and another boy I believe at that time he would have killed him. THAT didn't get him the stay at the psychiatric hospital either. (Believe it or not) We got him in the car - got him to the hospital to be evaluated - and sat there for two hours after telling he nurses - what he had done. While we sat there nurses did watch us in the waiting room, but I had left in such a hurry that I didn't bring any money for the vending machines. When Dude wanted snacks and didn't get any? He went berzerk and despite my getting a paper cup and water - he wanted a soda and crackers. When he didn't get it? He tore the waiting room apart. He ripped magazines up, stood on end tables, pounded on fish tanks, tried to tear pictures off the walls, beat on the glass - and FINALLY the nurses who would stare and glare at me - got him in the back into a room and tried to calm him down. By this time? He was in full bore rage, kicking and screaming - he destroyed the ER room, was ripping stuff off the walls, throwing things and they called 2 police who promptly handcuffed him to the bed. Then he began to curse and swear and they shut the door and the lady cop got in his face and told him to shut up and he spat on her, tried to kick her and THAT would have been assault - but the nurse had called a mental health worker. He had messed in his pants - was so upset he was red in the face, couldn't breathe, hyper ventilated himself and they finally gave him a shot of something to calm him down. When the mental health worker got there - I was a wreck. All I could do was tell her that THIS is what I deal with - ALONE - all the time. I left an abusive relationship and he lived through it too. No one had ANY idea what we lived through. From there - they called the city police and there had been a parade or something and no one was available - so they called a k-9 unit. A van showed up that hauls dogs - and my son was handcuffed at six years old - tiny little fella - hauled to the van - and handcuffed like a criminal to the bars in the back of the dog transport and hauled to the state hospital. There he was made to stand against the wall and had his picture for intake snapped and wisked off to a room. It was the single worst day of my life. I wasn't allowed to see him for six weeks while they assessed him. They told me it was for his best interest. WE talked on the phone, but that was it. They observed him, got him on medications and kept him for six months. It was by their standards an unusually long stay. From there he went to a group Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for three months and then home. That began the cycle for us. A few months at home - then he would become out of control again - then the school would kick him out. Then I'd have to quit work - or find someone to take him during the day - and then? I had no idea HE had rights or that anyone else like us existed. When I found this place I think Dude was around nine years old. By then we had already been to around four or five Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s, and black-listed from every day care, I had no idea there was such a thing as an IEP or 504, I had never heard of NAMI, what was CONDUCT DISORDER??? - I was just a bad Mother who was abused and my kid was a product of that environment - and there was very little help for either of us. We had mental health - not much help where we are, the school counselor, the school psychiatrist and a few books on out of control kids. There was very little advice on dietary changes except DONT GIVE YOUR KIDS RED DYE or NO artifical sweetener - so I didn't. Thirteen years later and numerous psychiatric hospitals, Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s, group homes, Department of Juvenile Justice, jail, courts, and now foster care, 65 plus medications, suicide attempts, anger management, ropes courses, wilderness camps, therapy, hypno therapy, EMDR therapy, counselors, prayers, psychologists, family therapy, and hundreds of books, workshops and the like - we're just able to peek our nose above water and hope that in a few weeks when he turns 19 - that he has had ENOUGH....and makes good decisions for himself. I never TOLD a doctor he was staying - they always told us. So I never got to make the decision. Parents do not get that choice. I hope this helps you make some decisions for your son and your family. I don't know if I would do anything different if given the chance - except maybe I would have found the last family therapist we did who we all really seemed to connect with and worked with him from the get-go. He was more helpful to us as parents and helping us stay one step ahead of Dude than any other book, workshop or therapist. He also was able to give Dude one-on-one attention that our kids seem to crave. Sometimes you are left with having to get your kids to base (no medications) to get their systems re-started, and at home is a tough place to do that. Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s are helpful for that and when kids are a little older PEER PRESSURE is extremely good for making them mature. I think our kids have something that doesn't allow them genetically to mature normally - even though Dude is going to be physically 19 next month - emotionally he's just about 16 now. He behaves like someone you see that is a normal 16. Doesn't take a lot of showers - dirty fingernails - worrys about how everyone else is dressed - looking to be in a clicky society - things like that - not typical 19 year old behavior - more 16. At five - your son is most likely exhibiting behaviors of a three year old??? Just guessing. Hitting, slapping.....etc? Something to explore with a really good therapist. And if you don't like the one you go to - quit- find another and another and another until you all find one you like and connect with. These kids divide families - our divorce rate is high. So getting a handle on it now - is very important. Probably the MOST important next to telling them a lot - YOU ARE LOVED, BUT that behavior isn't tolerated. Hope this helps some.... Hugs & Welcome Star [/QUOTE]
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