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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 75667" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p>I have learned that a large part of the reason why my H is so unmotivated to go out and do things OR do the little tiny things that I need him to do (think: honeydo list) is because he's giving his ALL at work. My H works really really hard, it's a huge labor to build houses and climb ladders all day in all sorts of crazy weather. I used to whine about how he is always so tired when I need him or how he put off the chore list I had for him or he'd start a project and it would take forever to finish. Now I will gently remind him and then be quiet about it. OR, I will offer to have someone come in and do the job - that's usually the best motivator. Or I will do it myself, even if it comes out not quite as good as if he did it. </p><p></p><p>However, I think that in large part you have to do what you have to do to bring yourself peace with this. You know that he is not going to change into the person you want or need him to be; will he give up say, HALF, of his gaming? Will he sit with you and make a committment to finish at least half of the chore list by a certain date? No? Then you either hire a handyman to do the chores or you do them yourself. And I know the last option is not a good one considering your pain and restrictions on movement. </p><p></p><p>If you've addressed this with him repeatedly over the years, I think maybe it's time to consider your other options outside of nagging and doing nothing. I really think that life IS for the living and if you can do some of those outdoor things that bring you joy, then you should do them without H if he's not interested. Go with a friend, or neighbor, or alone. But definitely go. You will likely meet other people who are interested in those things and then you will stop asking H altogether and maybe then he will notice what's missing in his life. </p><p></p><p>Many hugs to you - I know what it's like to live with someone and feel so alone.</p><p></p><p>Incidentally, I am a social person and I grew tired of H always turning down invites so now I make dates with my girl friends for coffee, lunch of a walk to just chat or vent or laugh or a movie, whatever. I like to go out and I like be with other people - H doesn't - but I finally stopped letting his ways rule mine.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 75667, member: 2211"] I have learned that a large part of the reason why my H is so unmotivated to go out and do things OR do the little tiny things that I need him to do (think: honeydo list) is because he's giving his ALL at work. My H works really really hard, it's a huge labor to build houses and climb ladders all day in all sorts of crazy weather. I used to whine about how he is always so tired when I need him or how he put off the chore list I had for him or he'd start a project and it would take forever to finish. Now I will gently remind him and then be quiet about it. OR, I will offer to have someone come in and do the job - that's usually the best motivator. Or I will do it myself, even if it comes out not quite as good as if he did it. However, I think that in large part you have to do what you have to do to bring yourself peace with this. You know that he is not going to change into the person you want or need him to be; will he give up say, HALF, of his gaming? Will he sit with you and make a committment to finish at least half of the chore list by a certain date? No? Then you either hire a handyman to do the chores or you do them yourself. And I know the last option is not a good one considering your pain and restrictions on movement. If you've addressed this with him repeatedly over the years, I think maybe it's time to consider your other options outside of nagging and doing nothing. I really think that life IS for the living and if you can do some of those outdoor things that bring you joy, then you should do them without H if he's not interested. Go with a friend, or neighbor, or alone. But definitely go. You will likely meet other people who are interested in those things and then you will stop asking H altogether and maybe then he will notice what's missing in his life. Many hugs to you - I know what it's like to live with someone and feel so alone. Incidentally, I am a social person and I grew tired of H always turning down invites so now I make dates with my girl friends for coffee, lunch of a walk to just chat or vent or laugh or a movie, whatever. I like to go out and I like be with other people - H doesn't - but I finally stopped letting his ways rule mine. [/QUOTE]
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