Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Why are kids so mean?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 80540" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>One thing which helped us - there was so much confusion re school stuff, as to how much he really was to blame, etc that we chose to never punish him at home for things that happened at school. Of course we would talk it through and role play it with him (re school stuff at home) but no grounding or loss of privileges for school stuff unless it was something that related to home, such as his failure to do homework.</p><p></p><p>This meant that whatever confusion and nastiness was happening at school, stayed at school. Home was a refuge from school which made it easier for home to be the more important place for him to learn socially acceptable and workable rules.</p><p></p><p>You don't do this sort of thing at home - so where is he learning it? Only one answer for this and it's obvious - whatever bad behaviour he is learning, he is learning away from home. At school.</p><p></p><p>I remember getting a note home from difficult child 3's teacher, saying that difficult child 3 had called some of the other kids "dumb faggot retard" and that he shouldn't be allowed to use this sort of language and where did he learn it?</p><p>I wrote back to the teacher that she knew our family well, we had been friends and neighbours for years, she well knew that difficult child 3 would not learn language like that in our home. And if you analyse the words he used - he was using words which had been directed at him, from other kids hassling him. "Dumb" and "retard" were clearly learned at school because these were the labels the other kids threw at difficult child 3 because he WOULD seem like that to them; and the other word, implying homosexuality, was a standard insult hurled by kids who may not even know what it means (but who maybe hear it in THEIR homes - I know some of these kids and could easily guess which families used that as an insult to their sons). I told the teacher that I was surprised she thought it was MY fault, and that a little gentle deduction could have told her exactly who had taught this charming language to difficult child 3, and under the very circumstances the school denied was happening.</p><p></p><p>This nasty stuff is what happens to our kids. Punishing them at home only makes it worse and confuses them more. Injustice really hurts these kids even more than many other kids, because they are very rigid about rules being followed (the rules they think are the REAL ones, the ones that work for everyone else) and to punish at home breaks these rules and makes it harder for the child to understand justice.</p><p></p><p>In the same way, you might share with a teacher about a problem you're having at home with your child, but would you expect the school to put your child on detention at lunchtime, for being rude to you at breakfast time? I doubt it.</p><p></p><p>The same applies in reverse.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 80540, member: 1991"] One thing which helped us - there was so much confusion re school stuff, as to how much he really was to blame, etc that we chose to never punish him at home for things that happened at school. Of course we would talk it through and role play it with him (re school stuff at home) but no grounding or loss of privileges for school stuff unless it was something that related to home, such as his failure to do homework. This meant that whatever confusion and nastiness was happening at school, stayed at school. Home was a refuge from school which made it easier for home to be the more important place for him to learn socially acceptable and workable rules. You don't do this sort of thing at home - so where is he learning it? Only one answer for this and it's obvious - whatever bad behaviour he is learning, he is learning away from home. At school. I remember getting a note home from difficult child 3's teacher, saying that difficult child 3 had called some of the other kids "dumb faggot retard" and that he shouldn't be allowed to use this sort of language and where did he learn it? I wrote back to the teacher that she knew our family well, we had been friends and neighbours for years, she well knew that difficult child 3 would not learn language like that in our home. And if you analyse the words he used - he was using words which had been directed at him, from other kids hassling him. "Dumb" and "retard" were clearly learned at school because these were the labels the other kids threw at difficult child 3 because he WOULD seem like that to them; and the other word, implying homosexuality, was a standard insult hurled by kids who may not even know what it means (but who maybe hear it in THEIR homes - I know some of these kids and could easily guess which families used that as an insult to their sons). I told the teacher that I was surprised she thought it was MY fault, and that a little gentle deduction could have told her exactly who had taught this charming language to difficult child 3, and under the very circumstances the school denied was happening. This nasty stuff is what happens to our kids. Punishing them at home only makes it worse and confuses them more. Injustice really hurts these kids even more than many other kids, because they are very rigid about rules being followed (the rules they think are the REAL ones, the ones that work for everyone else) and to punish at home breaks these rules and makes it harder for the child to understand justice. In the same way, you might share with a teacher about a problem you're having at home with your child, but would you expect the school to put your child on detention at lunchtime, for being rude to you at breakfast time? I doubt it. The same applies in reverse. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Why are kids so mean?
Top