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General Parenting
Why does he antagonise other kids?
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 537921" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Thank you all for your input. Part of the problem is that I myself do not have a complete picture of what is going on. At school, he is never left alone at recreation; he is always playing with others, mostly the same little group of boys. At the same time, from what he says, and reading between the lines, there seem to be problems (some of it is just how it is with kids, though) - sometimes he is very friendly with the other boy in his class, sometimes they seem to be daggers drawn, he now seems to have this problem with the older boy in the village he used sometimes to play with, who is being nasty and unpleasant to him. But I don't know what went on there! Was J rude, aggressive with him? </p><p>From the little interactions I see - but I am present, and many people have commented he is worse behaved when I am - he is quick to get into quarrelsome situations with other boys because he wants to win, to be the best, can stamp on others' needs and personalities in that aim. On Saturday, for example, we went to a playground in the next village and he hooked up with a four year old and a six year old he knows from his tennis class. There was a rugby and the six year old goes to a rugby class (I want J to start this in September, presuming we are still here) They started playing some basic form of rugby, the boy having explained how it goes... after about 20 minutes, J and the other boy were upset with each other because J had broken the rules because he just had to win and was quarrelliing about it. </p><p>Other times, MWM, I have seen him being socially appropriate, when I think about it - asking questions, hanging back a bit - so the skills must be there, somewhere. He definitely needs help with this. And I dread inviting people if it turns into these kind of fiascos, which means he doesn't get enough practice to help improve, etc. And I think, IC, there is something in what you say... J does pick up very hypersensitively on such invisible cues. I also think he is a very anxious child in some ways and the anxiety manifests. He also seems to be turning into a "cry baby" - sorry, the term sounds very harsh, I know! - which surprises me. Started crying about the other boys leaving him out on Saturday, trailing them and crying, running back to me and crying. Like he does with the other boy who is now not nice to him. </p><p>The psychiatrist J very occasionally sees has offered one of these weekly social skills groups, pepperidge. I didn't take her up on it because it meant J missing school and maybe I didn't think at the time it was that important. Now I will. And, Buddy, yes, a move to almost anywhere else would probably help matters <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> I don't mean that as some anti-French jibe. Tehre are so many good things here. But Britain is definitely a more tolerant and less structured society. It all depends though... I am shortly to apply for British nationality for J. Wish the application luck!! Going to either Britain or Morocco would depend on our getting this.</p><p>I dunno... This is what is important, not how good he is in a classrooom. in my humble opinion.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 537921, member: 11227"] Thank you all for your input. Part of the problem is that I myself do not have a complete picture of what is going on. At school, he is never left alone at recreation; he is always playing with others, mostly the same little group of boys. At the same time, from what he says, and reading between the lines, there seem to be problems (some of it is just how it is with kids, though) - sometimes he is very friendly with the other boy in his class, sometimes they seem to be daggers drawn, he now seems to have this problem with the older boy in the village he used sometimes to play with, who is being nasty and unpleasant to him. But I don't know what went on there! Was J rude, aggressive with him? From the little interactions I see - but I am present, and many people have commented he is worse behaved when I am - he is quick to get into quarrelsome situations with other boys because he wants to win, to be the best, can stamp on others' needs and personalities in that aim. On Saturday, for example, we went to a playground in the next village and he hooked up with a four year old and a six year old he knows from his tennis class. There was a rugby and the six year old goes to a rugby class (I want J to start this in September, presuming we are still here) They started playing some basic form of rugby, the boy having explained how it goes... after about 20 minutes, J and the other boy were upset with each other because J had broken the rules because he just had to win and was quarrelliing about it. Other times, MWM, I have seen him being socially appropriate, when I think about it - asking questions, hanging back a bit - so the skills must be there, somewhere. He definitely needs help with this. And I dread inviting people if it turns into these kind of fiascos, which means he doesn't get enough practice to help improve, etc. And I think, IC, there is something in what you say... J does pick up very hypersensitively on such invisible cues. I also think he is a very anxious child in some ways and the anxiety manifests. He also seems to be turning into a "cry baby" - sorry, the term sounds very harsh, I know! - which surprises me. Started crying about the other boys leaving him out on Saturday, trailing them and crying, running back to me and crying. Like he does with the other boy who is now not nice to him. The psychiatrist J very occasionally sees has offered one of these weekly social skills groups, pepperidge. I didn't take her up on it because it meant J missing school and maybe I didn't think at the time it was that important. Now I will. And, Buddy, yes, a move to almost anywhere else would probably help matters :) I don't mean that as some anti-French jibe. Tehre are so many good things here. But Britain is definitely a more tolerant and less structured society. It all depends though... I am shortly to apply for British nationality for J. Wish the application luck!! Going to either Britain or Morocco would depend on our getting this. I dunno... This is what is important, not how good he is in a classrooom. in my humble opinion. [/QUOTE]
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