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General Parenting
why is everything a personal attack on "him"??
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 376177" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>It is a great way to avoid responsibility, isn't it? Mom gets caught up in "everyone isn't mean to you", giving him attention. Mom gets caught up in "he didn't start it, you know he didn't" rather than a consequence. It gets attention, drives adults bonkers (big payoff there, always a lot of fun for a difficult child), and at least some of the time someone will do something nice to prove that either they, or someone else, doesn't hate difficult child. </p><p> </p><p>Win-win-win all the way around at least occasionally, and at least they know they upset Mom!!!</p><p> </p><p>Or that is what we were told. </p><p> </p><p>Try, "How do you figure that?" "Really" "okay" "If that is what you want" and even "Hmmm" like you are not paying attention.</p><p> </p><p>If you MUST address it, tell him he is justifying, or manipulating. </p><p> </p><p>Sit him down ONE time, preferably you and husband. Explain that when he says these things he is either manipulating so that others will not see his mistake or will feel sorry for him, or that he is justifying his own bad behavior. He knows that others do not hate him, mostly they don't even know him so they cannot hate him. From this moment on you will NOT listen to this or give it any of your time or worry. </p><p> </p><p>From that point on if you address the "X hates me" you say either "justifying" or "manipulating", depending on what it is. Then if itis because his bad behavior you give him the consequence. Do NOT argue, discuss or otherwise reply at any time in any other way.</p><p> </p><p>I was actually SHOCKED at how fast it stopped happening when he stopped getting any reaction but this. If it doesn't stop in just a couple of weeks, start adding a chore every time he says it. </p><p> </p><p>For example "The Ump called me out. He hates me!" "difficult child, please pick up that gum wrapper and put it in the garbage." or "You know I hate peas. You HATE me." "difficult child please take out the trash."</p><p> </p><p>Make ALL of your responses as calm and polite as if you had just asked a stranger what time it is. Sooner or later the "Everyone hates me" game gets boring and difficult child will find something else to drive you nuts/</p><p> </p><p>You can, if you are feeling cheery, start singing the song Everybody hates me, nobody likes me, I'm gonna eat some worms! Bite their little heads off, slurp out the insides (make a slurping sound instead of saying the word for maximum giggles) I'm gonna eat some worms."</p><p> </p><p>Then once in a while, when you are about to lose it over the "They hate me" game, ask him, quite calmly and pleasantly (as if you were offering him his favorite candy bar) if he would like some worms?</p><p> </p><p>He may not laugh, but it will at least shock him. If he says "You don't love me or blah blah blah" just ignore it. Anything you say to that is playing his game and the LAST thing you want to do. </p><p> </p><p>Can you tell that Wiz tried this a couple of times over the years???</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 376177, member: 1233"] It is a great way to avoid responsibility, isn't it? Mom gets caught up in "everyone isn't mean to you", giving him attention. Mom gets caught up in "he didn't start it, you know he didn't" rather than a consequence. It gets attention, drives adults bonkers (big payoff there, always a lot of fun for a difficult child), and at least some of the time someone will do something nice to prove that either they, or someone else, doesn't hate difficult child. Win-win-win all the way around at least occasionally, and at least they know they upset Mom!!! Or that is what we were told. Try, "How do you figure that?" "Really" "okay" "If that is what you want" and even "Hmmm" like you are not paying attention. If you MUST address it, tell him he is justifying, or manipulating. Sit him down ONE time, preferably you and husband. Explain that when he says these things he is either manipulating so that others will not see his mistake or will feel sorry for him, or that he is justifying his own bad behavior. He knows that others do not hate him, mostly they don't even know him so they cannot hate him. From this moment on you will NOT listen to this or give it any of your time or worry. From that point on if you address the "X hates me" you say either "justifying" or "manipulating", depending on what it is. Then if itis because his bad behavior you give him the consequence. Do NOT argue, discuss or otherwise reply at any time in any other way. I was actually SHOCKED at how fast it stopped happening when he stopped getting any reaction but this. If it doesn't stop in just a couple of weeks, start adding a chore every time he says it. For example "The Ump called me out. He hates me!" "difficult child, please pick up that gum wrapper and put it in the garbage." or "You know I hate peas. You HATE me." "difficult child please take out the trash." Make ALL of your responses as calm and polite as if you had just asked a stranger what time it is. Sooner or later the "Everyone hates me" game gets boring and difficult child will find something else to drive you nuts/ You can, if you are feeling cheery, start singing the song Everybody hates me, nobody likes me, I'm gonna eat some worms! Bite their little heads off, slurp out the insides (make a slurping sound instead of saying the word for maximum giggles) I'm gonna eat some worms." Then once in a while, when you are about to lose it over the "They hate me" game, ask him, quite calmly and pleasantly (as if you were offering him his favorite candy bar) if he would like some worms? He may not laugh, but it will at least shock him. If he says "You don't love me or blah blah blah" just ignore it. Anything you say to that is playing his game and the LAST thing you want to do. Can you tell that Wiz tried this a couple of times over the years??? [/QUOTE]
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