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Why is he doing this?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 353404" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>So don't do this again. If something doesn't work, even if you haven't got anything to replace it, don't do it again. Each time you use an unsuccessful discipline method, you actually go backwards. Doing nothing, does less damage.</p><p></p><p>As for what you can do - whatever you do, it needs to be related to the "crime". Computer time is not connected to what he did wrong, so he won't make the connection. A better punishment, which really is more of a preventive anyway, is to clean his room out until any hidden food would be immediately obvious. Make it easy to spot the problem fast, and you have a multiple solution.</p><p></p><p>Of course cleaning out the room probably won't be easy, but it is a direct consequence and probably will make life easier long-term anyway. Plus how much harder can it be, than the current tantrums you're getting trying to reduce his computer time?</p><p></p><p>Either he cleans out his room, or you do. Do it "life on the lawn" style if you must. Try to not do it with an air of "I'm punishing you" - this is not a punishment, it is a consequence. It is life, it is a solution, a way to help him learn self-control. Don't say all these things, just keep it in your own mind while it's happening. You need to have the "I'm helping you, darling" mindset while this all happens. And really believe it. Not easy. I sometimes call this "changing your mindset" and I have in the past been flamed for putting it this way, but it's not meant in any way to criticise you. It's just that kids like ours do not respond well to the more traditional "I am the parent, you are the child" mindset that is what we grew up with. I've found we get a lot more actual lessons learned, by becoming the child's facilitator and stepping away from being the disciplinarian.</p><p></p><p>I hope this can help.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 353404, member: 1991"] So don't do this again. If something doesn't work, even if you haven't got anything to replace it, don't do it again. Each time you use an unsuccessful discipline method, you actually go backwards. Doing nothing, does less damage. As for what you can do - whatever you do, it needs to be related to the "crime". Computer time is not connected to what he did wrong, so he won't make the connection. A better punishment, which really is more of a preventive anyway, is to clean his room out until any hidden food would be immediately obvious. Make it easy to spot the problem fast, and you have a multiple solution. Of course cleaning out the room probably won't be easy, but it is a direct consequence and probably will make life easier long-term anyway. Plus how much harder can it be, than the current tantrums you're getting trying to reduce his computer time? Either he cleans out his room, or you do. Do it "life on the lawn" style if you must. Try to not do it with an air of "I'm punishing you" - this is not a punishment, it is a consequence. It is life, it is a solution, a way to help him learn self-control. Don't say all these things, just keep it in your own mind while it's happening. You need to have the "I'm helping you, darling" mindset while this all happens. And really believe it. Not easy. I sometimes call this "changing your mindset" and I have in the past been flamed for putting it this way, but it's not meant in any way to criticise you. It's just that kids like ours do not respond well to the more traditional "I am the parent, you are the child" mindset that is what we grew up with. I've found we get a lot more actual lessons learned, by becoming the child's facilitator and stepping away from being the disciplinarian. I hope this can help. Marg [/QUOTE]
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