Why is that husband will listen to other's suggestions, but not mine?!?!?

[allhaileris]

I get so upset that husband will always seem to listen to other people's suggestions on how to deal with daughter, yet when I tell him exactly the same thing, he won't accept it at all? It happens ALL the time with everything, but it upsets me the most when it's advice about daughter. He met this new person and supposedly she has studied Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) for three years (and I say this with much snide in my voice, I've met this woman and she just seems quite bossy and know-it-all-y). He was kind of like OMG she told me to do xyz and it seems like that will be so good. Um, yeah, I have asked you to do xyz for years.

The other thing that upsets me is that these people out there want to "help", but want to do it in their way, no matter what we tell them. They always think they know SOOO much about Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). This person husband met didn't think daughter had Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) because she was so social. Um, yeah, good generalization for somebody who is so "educated" about the subject. I just don't know what to say to this woman. On one hand it's great that husband is listening to somebody, but the fact he won't read the books I bought him, read about Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) on the internet, or do anything I've asked him to do upsets me.

A couple days ago she (the new friend) was over at the house and we were talking about temp agencies with my newly adopted college kid (a difficult child that is a daughter of a friend, we're putting her up for a semester) and the new friend said she turned in her resume and didn't get a call back, assumed she was overqualified. I had to smash her high and mightiness by telling her all of 26 years that no, she wasn't overqualified, that there isn't enough people in the temp industry that are overqualified and we have a hard time finding qualified temps at my work. I had to knock some humility into that girl.

 

[lmf64]

The person husband met sounds like a so called Autism Specialist in a local school district (not the one difficult child is in). She talks about all this education she has and tells everyone how to do their jobs when it comes to the children, but is the very one who will do exactly the wrong thing for the individual child because, you know, all children with Autism are exactly the same. Yes, I'm being a little snarky. I cannot stand that woman and if I had a way to do it she would not be working with children at all, much less those with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD).

 

[Marguerite]

"A prophet is not without honour save in his own country." Matt 13:57.

Basically, we tend to devalue what we take for granted.

Call him on it. Every. Freakin'. Time. Rinse. Repeat. Breathe. Go for a Run. Resist the urge to smash some sense into him, it won't help.

Marg

 

[BusynMember]

My husband doesn't necessarily dismiss me compleely nor would he listen to some kid know-it-all, however the best way to get my husband to really BELIEVE something is for him to hear it from a bonafide professional, even if I have said the same thing. I call this phenomena "Man Disorder."

 

[TerryJ2]

I agree with-Marg.
Plus, it's often a guy thing.
{{hugs}}

 

[allhaileris]

I know it's the curse of my name. Cassandra in Greek mythology was a prophet that wasn't ever listened to.

Apparently he's been talking to a couple people about how he can be a better dad and husband. One of the things he does when I get upset is lock up and not talk to me at all. I told him most of the time all I need is a hug. He can't do that. At least I think he's realizing many of the issues we have in our home *still* are because of him. I like that he's talking to friends about his issues, he needs somebody to talk to (he won't do therapy), but I just hope that whatever advice he's getting isn't detrimental.

And yeah, I do point it out every single time, but I get tired of doing that. I'm always right. I get annoyed always having to be the one that is correct, responsible, etc. It gets tiring. Maybe husband is finally seeing more of the difficult child in him.

 

[busywend]

OMG! Is this really a guy thing? I thought my husband just worshipped the ground his sister walks on. She is perfect to him. Plans everythhing so early (too early) and bakes every weekend. Have i ever done that...NO. so why would i start! Ugh! Thanks for posting so i could vent.....hahaha! Sorry!