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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 458241" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>Actually I'm not too surprised. From the Board I feel that I know you and your husband....reminds me of husband and me. You are assertive and a take charge personality. Your husband is a good man but he is not those things. I'm betting that this behavior is a long time pattern that due to the family recent traumas is stomping on your nerves. </p><p></p><p>in my humble opinion he feels "lost" with-o his male support. Chances are that he knows in his gut that he is not the strong person that he expected to be at this age. So...he continues to focus his energies on work where he feels competent and avoids stepping up to the plate at home. Likely he is carrying gult for what he didn't do about the house and is trying to keep a low profile to avoid the flack. Perhaps he is transferring his Dad's role in his life to his sister or to his Mother. He is floundering and facing the realization that he can't just "make nice" with everyone. The internal pressure is on. Sigh! Of course he won't seek out a professional to help him sort through things. No way. Chances are you'll never know what's in his head and his heart.</p><p></p><p>My advice is to thoroughly analyze all aspects of your marraige. Make sure that the topic is truly revelent before you attempt to change his pattern or actually, the pattern between you. It's not easy to do. All of us want a real partner on a daily basis but sometimes it's necessary to accept the tipped scales and just be thankful that push come to shove we do have someone who loves and supports us to the best of their abilities. Hugs. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 458241, member: 35"] Actually I'm not too surprised. From the Board I feel that I know you and your husband....reminds me of husband and me. You are assertive and a take charge personality. Your husband is a good man but he is not those things. I'm betting that this behavior is a long time pattern that due to the family recent traumas is stomping on your nerves. in my humble opinion he feels "lost" with-o his male support. Chances are that he knows in his gut that he is not the strong person that he expected to be at this age. So...he continues to focus his energies on work where he feels competent and avoids stepping up to the plate at home. Likely he is carrying gult for what he didn't do about the house and is trying to keep a low profile to avoid the flack. Perhaps he is transferring his Dad's role in his life to his sister or to his Mother. He is floundering and facing the realization that he can't just "make nice" with everyone. The internal pressure is on. Sigh! Of course he won't seek out a professional to help him sort through things. No way. Chances are you'll never know what's in his head and his heart. My advice is to thoroughly analyze all aspects of your marraige. Make sure that the topic is truly revelent before you attempt to change his pattern or actually, the pattern between you. It's not easy to do. All of us want a real partner on a daily basis but sometimes it's necessary to accept the tipped scales and just be thankful that push come to shove we do have someone who loves and supports us to the best of their abilities. Hugs. DDD [/QUOTE]
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