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Will it ever stop?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 614390" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>AmIAFool, welcome. I'm sorry you are going through this with your husband's sons, there are many stories of enabling here and kids who have never launched out of the home.</p><p></p><p>Since these men are your husband's adult children, there may not be much YOU can do. He is an enabler for sure and this pattern has likely been in place a long time. If he is not willing to change or get help to learn how to change, then you may have to look at other options because these scenarios rarely, if ever, get better unless the parents stop enabling.</p><p></p><p>You might print out the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here and share it with your husband. You might also look into al anon, narc anon, codependent's anonymous and families anonymous to seek out support in the 12 step groups. </p><p></p><p>It's surprising that no therapist has called you back, but if your husband is willing to go, I would continue to pursue it until I found someone. If he is this steeped in this unhealthy behavior with his sons, he is going to require <u>a lot of help to change.</u> This is very difficult to do without professional help. It takes a commitment, it takes strength and it takes a strong willingness to change this negative and unhealthy behavior. The sad part is that if he is not willing to change, then I believe your only recourse is to consider leaving him. Adult troubled kids can wreck havoc on relationships and do a lot of damage. The fact that you are not the mother of these men really gives you little power in stopping the enabling. It really all is up the father and his willingness to stop enabling. If he isn't, I think you are likely already thinking that your relationship with this man may not survive his kids. </p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. You should be having a peaceful, financially secure time in your life now, where your money goes to what makes YOU and your husband happy, not given to ungrateful, manipulative dead beats who won't grow up.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 614390, member: 13542"] AmIAFool, welcome. I'm sorry you are going through this with your husband's sons, there are many stories of enabling here and kids who have never launched out of the home. Since these men are your husband's adult children, there may not be much YOU can do. He is an enabler for sure and this pattern has likely been in place a long time. If he is not willing to change or get help to learn how to change, then you may have to look at other options because these scenarios rarely, if ever, get better unless the parents stop enabling. You might print out the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here and share it with your husband. You might also look into al anon, narc anon, codependent's anonymous and families anonymous to seek out support in the 12 step groups. It's surprising that no therapist has called you back, but if your husband is willing to go, I would continue to pursue it until I found someone. If he is this steeped in this unhealthy behavior with his sons, he is going to require [U]a lot of help to change.[/U] This is very difficult to do without professional help. It takes a commitment, it takes strength and it takes a strong willingness to change this negative and unhealthy behavior. The sad part is that if he is not willing to change, then I believe your only recourse is to consider leaving him. Adult troubled kids can wreck havoc on relationships and do a lot of damage. The fact that you are not the mother of these men really gives you little power in stopping the enabling. It really all is up the father and his willingness to stop enabling. If he isn't, I think you are likely already thinking that your relationship with this man may not survive his kids. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. You should be having a peaceful, financially secure time in your life now, where your money goes to what makes YOU and your husband happy, not given to ungrateful, manipulative dead beats who won't grow up. [/QUOTE]
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