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Will it ever stop?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 614408" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. I am so sorry you are going through this. RecoveringEnabler gave you really good advice. My own advice would be to assume that Dad is going to keep enabling these grown men, who are well into middle age. It is his pattern for sooo many years and you can't say any magic words to stop him. What you CAN do is move ahead with your own life, in spite of your husband's enabling and his grown sons who are dysfunctional. You can start to detach emotionally from all of them rather than get caught up in their drama. There is only one person in the world that you can control and it is YOU. You can take steps to get help so that you can move on, even if you stay married. You can both be married to him and have your own interests and friends and activities. If you get help for yourself through Narc-Anon or NAMI or a private therapist, if you at any time decide to totally bail out of the situation you will have ready made support. Life is short and our golden years are precious. It's time to take care of yourself first. You are not responsible for these freeloaders and drug addicts and you can't stop your husband from feeling that he has to STILL take care of them. BUT you can make sure YOU have fun, relax and enjoy the freest and most interesting time of your life without risking the health hazards of chronic stress. If you leave him, you do. It is your decision and with all the chaos surrounding your husband it is a reasonable decision.</p><p></p><p>Hope you give pampering yourself a good try. You're worth it <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 614408, member: 1550"] Hi there. I am so sorry you are going through this. RecoveringEnabler gave you really good advice. My own advice would be to assume that Dad is going to keep enabling these grown men, who are well into middle age. It is his pattern for sooo many years and you can't say any magic words to stop him. What you CAN do is move ahead with your own life, in spite of your husband's enabling and his grown sons who are dysfunctional. You can start to detach emotionally from all of them rather than get caught up in their drama. There is only one person in the world that you can control and it is YOU. You can take steps to get help so that you can move on, even if you stay married. You can both be married to him and have your own interests and friends and activities. If you get help for yourself through Narc-Anon or NAMI or a private therapist, if you at any time decide to totally bail out of the situation you will have ready made support. Life is short and our golden years are precious. It's time to take care of yourself first. You are not responsible for these freeloaders and drug addicts and you can't stop your husband from feeling that he has to STILL take care of them. BUT you can make sure YOU have fun, relax and enjoy the freest and most interesting time of your life without risking the health hazards of chronic stress. If you leave him, you do. It is your decision and with all the chaos surrounding your husband it is a reasonable decision. Hope you give pampering yourself a good try. You're worth it :) [/QUOTE]
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