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Will it ever stop?
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<blockquote data-quote="AmIAFool" data-source="post: 614411" data-attributes="member: 17434"><p>Thank you for your words of wisdom Mom. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> I have tried to disengage over the past couple years, even with the grand children and advising my husband that I no longer have any desire to associate with or hear anything about any of his children, their girlfriends or any of his grand children because it causes way too much stress in my life. But the phone calls and the issues just never stop and every new day is a new issue to be dealt with and I consider it a minor miracle if one single day goes by without a phone call from one of "them".</p><p></p><p>This year I have even gone so far as to cancel our usual Christmas Day get together with his children at our home telling him I do not have the energy to deal with his kids, decorate, shop/wrap etc and that I do not want them in our house since last Christmas when we had them over, not only were some prescription drugs stolen, but also some of my diamond rings. While he said he is fine with that (course he can't MAKE me set up the tree etc.), it doesn't solve the long term issues because just the other day the "offending" son came over to "visit" and even though his father has agreed numerous times not to do so, he left his son alone in the house. </p><p></p><p>All of this has given me chronic diarrhea for the past two years which my doctor has diagnosed as being caused from stress. I am taking my second round of steroids to stop the diarrhea, and while my husband is sympathetic, or so it seems, to my condition, he still hands out money like candy and refuses to ask any of the children to return any of the stolen items (because we aren't positive who stole then) or money the sons have "borrowed" or stolen or to even keep his word on not leaving his son in the house alone. </p><p></p><p>I am, in fact, sitting here right now after asking him 3 times tonight to please call his son about the loan for the purchase of the house watching him watch television instead of picking up the phone. I think he's afraid to find out that the son has actually spent the money and that we will never get it back.</p><p></p><p>So although disengaging seemed to be a good solution, it is not making anything "better." It's kind of like living with an alcoholic who will cut back or stop drinking for a while when someone confronts them about their drinking. In the same way, my husband will back off or even stop giving out so much money for a while after we discuss it, then it goes right back to the way it was.</p><p></p><p>Thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk with you about this. Some things are becoming more clear as I articulate what is going on...like realizing as I was "talking" that he is much like an alcoholic in how he handles me confronting him.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for the help. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AmIAFool, post: 614411, member: 17434"] Thank you for your words of wisdom Mom. :) I have tried to disengage over the past couple years, even with the grand children and advising my husband that I no longer have any desire to associate with or hear anything about any of his children, their girlfriends or any of his grand children because it causes way too much stress in my life. But the phone calls and the issues just never stop and every new day is a new issue to be dealt with and I consider it a minor miracle if one single day goes by without a phone call from one of "them". This year I have even gone so far as to cancel our usual Christmas Day get together with his children at our home telling him I do not have the energy to deal with his kids, decorate, shop/wrap etc and that I do not want them in our house since last Christmas when we had them over, not only were some prescription drugs stolen, but also some of my diamond rings. While he said he is fine with that (course he can't MAKE me set up the tree etc.), it doesn't solve the long term issues because just the other day the "offending" son came over to "visit" and even though his father has agreed numerous times not to do so, he left his son alone in the house. All of this has given me chronic diarrhea for the past two years which my doctor has diagnosed as being caused from stress. I am taking my second round of steroids to stop the diarrhea, and while my husband is sympathetic, or so it seems, to my condition, he still hands out money like candy and refuses to ask any of the children to return any of the stolen items (because we aren't positive who stole then) or money the sons have "borrowed" or stolen or to even keep his word on not leaving his son in the house alone. I am, in fact, sitting here right now after asking him 3 times tonight to please call his son about the loan for the purchase of the house watching him watch television instead of picking up the phone. I think he's afraid to find out that the son has actually spent the money and that we will never get it back. So although disengaging seemed to be a good solution, it is not making anything "better." It's kind of like living with an alcoholic who will cut back or stop drinking for a while when someone confronts them about their drinking. In the same way, my husband will back off or even stop giving out so much money for a while after we discuss it, then it goes right back to the way it was. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk with you about this. Some things are becoming more clear as I articulate what is going on...like realizing as I was "talking" that he is much like an alcoholic in how he handles me confronting him. Thanks for the help. :) [/QUOTE]
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