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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 615964" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>Very generally speaking, I would consider some marital counseling for yourself and spouse...more on this later. I would avoid helping the oldest three adult "children" at all, with the possible exception of small gifts for any children for their birthdays and a holiday gift. One gift each, once or twice a year...children only.</p><p>The youngest adult child has held down a job. So, I would consider offering him the gift of counseling if you can afford it. Pay for him to get some treatment for a limited period of time....perhaps six months and stick to that limit. If, and only if, he is willing to work with you, I would consider helping out with any medical bills or training for his girlfriend/wife to get job training.</p><p>It is unlikely that he or his wife wants to change and grow....but if they by some miracle wish to change, I would offer some help on a limited basis for a limited period of time...like six months. But, first and foremost, I would work to strengthen and build your marriage. Many stresses and concerns here. If you get marriage counseling, you likely can sort through these stresses and strains together. Read whatever you can get your hands on re: enabling and detachment.</p><p></p><p></p><p>ETA. Just read a few more posts. I'm glad you are seeing a counselor and she suggested marriage therapy. If the one she suggested has not returned your calls...find another. Be sure to get a recommendation from a doctor or at least a friend. Families anonymous is a good group mtg, experience as well. Good luck!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 615964, member: 4152"] Very generally speaking, I would consider some marital counseling for yourself and spouse...more on this later. I would avoid helping the oldest three adult "children" at all, with the possible exception of small gifts for any children for their birthdays and a holiday gift. One gift each, once or twice a year...children only. The youngest adult child has held down a job. So, I would consider offering him the gift of counseling if you can afford it. Pay for him to get some treatment for a limited period of time....perhaps six months and stick to that limit. If, and only if, he is willing to work with you, I would consider helping out with any medical bills or training for his girlfriend/wife to get job training. It is unlikely that he or his wife wants to change and grow....but if they by some miracle wish to change, I would offer some help on a limited basis for a limited period of time...like six months. But, first and foremost, I would work to strengthen and build your marriage. Many stresses and concerns here. If you get marriage counseling, you likely can sort through these stresses and strains together. Read whatever you can get your hands on re: enabling and detachment. ETA. Just read a few more posts. I'm glad you are seeing a counselor and she suggested marriage therapy. If the one she suggested has not returned your calls...find another. Be sure to get a recommendation from a doctor or at least a friend. Families anonymous is a good group mtg, experience as well. Good luck! [/QUOTE]
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