Wondering how I am doing!

[Ironbutterfly]

My girlfriends son is currently in prison for 7 years. Been there about 90 days so far. The rules at this prison is any books have to be ordered from Amazon or Barnes and Nobles. He has to have the books mailed directly from these places to him at the prison. I asked why, she told me because folks would put drugs on the pages of the books, in the binding, etc and mail the prisoner the books. Somehow they can make the drugs stick to the pages; then the prisoner licks them off the pages. Here's the other tidbit. Warning- graphic....could make you sick to read further.

When her son was in the county jail for a while- he found out that a person can get a drug buzz from eating the scabs off a new prisoner who arrived and hadn't detoxed yet.

Its quite amazing how people find ways to transport drugs into prisons.

 

[Ironbutterfly]

Echo- I cried the first time I saw my son shackled, arms and legs in an orange jump suit being brought into court. It's just so heart-breaking. I chose not to visit him where he a did short time in the county jail, for many reasons, but mainly, felt he needed to sit and think, be uncomfortable without seeing or talking to me.

I am so sorry you went through all the physical and mental and emotional prep to visit son- only to not be able to see him. So now you know, no open toed shoes. Tomorrow or another day, you will get a chance to see your son. Hugs.

 

[Copabanana]

Hi Echo. I am glad you checked in. Much of this is true for me, too, with my son:

I ache for him, for his lostness, his hopelessness, his foolishness, his terrible decisions.

Mentally ill, addicted, slow processing, habitual slacker liar and thief. Thats my boy. He can't see his way out.

My son is here with us. M is trying to teach him to work. It is very hard for me, because I let down my defenses, want him close, and then try to aspire for him, and it all falls apart worse, because he goes along with the program...yeah, yeah, yeah...until the lies emerge and all the other garbage that held it together, disintegrates and there is even a bigger mess.

He wants to do better, be better, live better, but....

M says I am a huge part of the problem because I impose what I want on him....how do you not want for a child?

 

[recoveringenabler]

Hi ECHO, wonderful to "see" you.

love him. I miss him. I fear for him. But ....mostly...those things have their place and I can go on with my work and my family and the farmers markets and meal prep and the running and the smiling at the other people I love. It is what it is.

Sigh.......I so relate to your post ECHO. I would imagine most of us here do. Thank you for articulating it so well.

There's always a part of my heart where my daughter lives......I can go there .......or not..... but she is always in my heart. Always.

We know how it is ECHO.....we're right there with you......

Big hugs coming your way.....

 

[Jabberwockey]

Its quite amazing how people find ways to transport drugs into prisons.

You have NO idea!

 

[Albatross]

Echo, it is so good to hear from you! I have missed seeing your posts.

It makes me so sad, that he is so self-destructive and foolhardy but just goes through it all with a grin.

It must be somehow what he wants, to be the boy who lives under the bridge. And yet he wanted to be useful with the dishwashing...that part made me tear up.

No, there is no making sense of it.

You sound like you are doing so well with being able to compartmentalize all of this, yet still keep your loving heart wide open. I am glad that you have other things that fill your life with happiness, glad that you have come to such a place of acceptance. It sure isn't an easy thing to do.

Congratulations to your 2 youngest! I hope you will keep us updated.

 

[Copabanana]

I go to work. I run, I go to the farmer's markets, I feed the people I love. I'm more comfortable now with being committed to those things as part of a whole life for me, rather than distractions.

There is nothing more valuable to me than spending a Saturday afternoon preparing food for that day and for the week for the people I love.

Echo, I thought about your post much of last night and woke up thinking about this part.

I have a friend whose mother has spinal cancer. When I was grieving the loss of my mother, this woman told me, "I will die when my mother dies." And now she is facing that eventuality. A physician, competent, strong--she faces herself now; her own mortality as much as her mother's. Really, it is that, I think.

I told her about a post I wrote a few days before to a mother, giving up hope. I wrote that mother: what's hope? A fantasy about a future that may or may not exist. (I liked the idea; nobody else much did.) What we have is now. All of the joy we can choose to cram into each minute we have left. And only this minute and the next, we can really depend upon.

And that is the meaning of your post, to me. You are embracing your minutes. Joyous hours. What could be better than that?

There is nothing more.

 

[Copabanana]

You have NO idea!

Hi Jabber.

It looks like I am going back into the prison to work. The rule is no electronics. Would a fitbit watch (the step-counter) be counted an electronic or a watch?
If it is an electronic, would a regular pedometer be an electronic?

Thank you, Jabber.

 

[karisma]

Hi Echo. Thank you for your post. My son is also in the county jail, and I happened to find out that he has another case involving four drug possession felonies that he failed to mention to me. He will probably be released on the misdemeanor charge today with time served but has court on the felonies on the 9th. I will attempt to get him to go but he usually won't do those kind of things. He also is dirty, skinny, homeless, and foolish and he is the light of my llife.
My question is how can I try to have the case moved to mental health court or can I ? He has anosognosia also bipolar and possibly schizophrenia but is completely unaware of all this currently so he isn't going to tell them. I am positive he will not comply with probation but I was thinking mental health probation might be of more help. I am not his guardian so I'm not sure how much I can even be involved. They need to know he is SMI even though is capable of being highly articulate with authorities. How did your son's case get moved to mental health?

 

[Jabberwockey]

It looks like I am going back into the prison to work. The rule is no electronics. Would a fitbit watch (the step-counter) be counted an electronic or a watch?
If it is an electronic, would a regular pedometer be an electronic?

First off Copa, and you know this of course!, check what the institutional policies are where you will work! That being said, my watch is a fitness tracker but not a Fitbit although several people including some supervisors wear them. Where our administration gets twitchy is when it comes to devices with gps and ESPECIALLY those that blue tooth with your phone. The blue tooth ones are a big time no no here. As far as the pedometer goes, who knows. Again, its up to the administration but I don't see the problem with it personally.

They fought for YEARS here against bringing in flash drives because they couldn't control what was on them without creating a position just to check them before coming in. Now, several people have them including me and they are so small and so plastic that I regularly forget that mine is in my pocket and walk through the metal detector going into the admin building without setting it off.

One of these days doctor will have to clue into the fact that we are in the digital age and catch up. I have so many restrictions on my class because of the no internet for offenders rule. Just so much knowledge that I could pass on to them if they would allow that. That having been said, you know as well as I that having internet access for offenders would be a NIGHTMARE from a security point of view! Eh, one of these days they will figure it out.

 

[so ready to live]

Hi Echo. Thank you so much for your story, I needed to work through the pain of it and feel as many of us do, a oneness with you.

I ache for him, for his lostness, his hopelessness, his foolishness, his terrible decisions. Mentally ill, addicted, slow processing, habitual slacker liar and thief. Thats my boy. He can't see his way out.

..and that's my boy also. All of it. We have not heard from him in 8 wks, I try so "not to go there" and then get surprised when all the thoughts, fears and feelings sneak right up on me. Where's that compartment?

I love him. I miss him. I fear for him. But ....mostly...those things have their place and I can go on with my work and my family and the farmers markets and meal prep and the running and the smiling at the other people I love. It is what it is. I think he knows I love him. That has to be enough for now.

It's so hard for that to be enough. Acceptance. Radical acceptance in the midst of longing and pain like no other. Yet, today is all we have....how to really appreciate that is the dilemma. If longing could make it so, it would be. For us all. Prayers.

 

[Echolette]

Hi Echo. Thank you for your post. My son is also in the county jail, and I happened to find out that he has another case involving four drug possession felonies that he failed to mention to me. He will probably be released on the misdemeanor charge today with time served but has court on the felonies on the 9th. I will attempt to get him to go but he usually won't do those kind of things. He also is dirty, skinny, homeless, and foolish and he is the light of my llife.
My question is how can I try to have the case moved to mental health court or can I ? He has anosognosia also bipolar and possibly schizophrenia but is completely unaware of all this currently so he isn't going to tell them. I am positive he will not comply with probation but I was thinking mental health probation might be of more help. I am not his guardian so I'm not sure how much I can even be involved. They need to know he is SMI even though is capable of being highly articulate with authorities. How did your son's case get moved to mental health?

Karisma, my son's public defender petitioned the judge to move the case, and she did. It was all driven by the PD. She also had to get the DA's office to agree. So at least here it seems that it happens through the lawyer. If you have a private lawyer then ask about it. If your son has a public defender you can call the public defender's office and ask for the mental health division. I hope that helps

 

[InsaneCdn]

I have so many restrictions on my class because of the no internet for offenders rule

In theory, it could be done with an intranet - an internal net, not the www. Permission would have to be sought to copy content down to the intranet. The intranet, once loaded, would be disconnected from the internet. No wifi, either. Just a hard line to intranet. Restrict content to education. It can be done. But it takes $$.

 

[Jabberwockey]

In theory, it could be done with an intranet

Already working on that. We have the Web Design class here and I have the teacher researching the possibility of having her students build and maintain a bunch of mock web sites so my guys would have at least something to practice on.

The main issue with this would be that they wouldn't be able to actually apply. It would be nice for them to actually be able to fill out applications prior to their release, contact employers by e-mail to talk and send them their resume's, things like that. That wont happen any time soon though.

 

[Jabberwockey]

One of these days doctor will have to clue into the fact that we are in the digital age and catch up.

And one of these days I will clue into the fact that periods are needed with D.O.C. At least on this web site.

 

[Copabanana]

flash drives

Hi Jabber.

Flash drives here are forbidden. Extremely forbidden, although some doctors ignored it, and brought in their kindles, too! (Me? I am too afraid. If I had nothing to do, I went to the prison library and borrowed a book!) There sometimes seems to be no rhyme or reason. At the last institution I was at, an officer had a satellite radio to play Fox news. No problems. And it was a super-max.

 

[Copabanana]

D.O.C.

At first I thought it was a slang for d.o.c particularly to your State. Funny. Thank you, Jabber.

Thank you.

 

[savior no more]

Echo -
My boy sounds exactly like yours. Has your son ever been tested for Fragile X syndrome? Not that it matters, but I've lately been in this obsession to have my son tested for Fragile X - then I could say, see, it is genetic. Not all behavioral, even though he is Asperger's. But what good would it do anyway - knowing the problems doesn't provide a solution. The legal systems solution and society's and I guess mine now will be prison for quite a while. I relate to your words and descriptions. Thank you for this as some days all I can know is overwhelmed and depressed.

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

It's so good to have you back with us, Echo.

:O)

Cedar