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General Parenting
Yes or No to Respite.........
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<blockquote data-quote="Hanging-On" data-source="post: 373371" data-attributes="member: 2325"><p>And I guess what bothers me about this difficult child respite, is that <strong>easy child</strong> is the one who deserves to be taken out and given things and having fun, and playing with others. Not difficult child. I think that's what I've been mad about and fighting against the system about. </p><p></p><p>You guys know and understand that living with a difficult child, we the family (easy child and I) are hostages and our lives are limited in such an extreme way that we have nothing for ourselves. No hobby, no sport, no fun dates, no quiet time, no friends (because you can't have them over, or go over there alone...so you isolate yourself due to the embarassement)........nothing. </p><p></p><p>EVERYTHING is ALWAYS about difficult child, and what will or will not trigger him, what he can or can't handle or do, what he "allows" us to have or not have....etc. <strong>THIS</strong> is something that I'm really trying to figure out....how to stop difficult child ALWAYS controlling our lives....but without a husband or boyfriend (or someone like that) where I can say to difficult child "since you <u>choose</u> to act that way, you don't earn what easy child and I are going to do ______(fill in the blank)". And then actually leave him home with the other person while easy child and I go do whatever it was. I think if he could see that, then he'd know that he's not in charge and that has behavior is only hurting him.....and not us...cause we'll still go to where ever we said we were going. But because I don't have that someone in our lives, if he wants to stop something or sabotage something, then he can and we are the ones losing out. We're his hostages. See what I mean. </p><p></p><p>Any thoughts on how to change this when it's only me alone?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hanging-On, post: 373371, member: 2325"] And I guess what bothers me about this difficult child respite, is that [B]easy child[/B] is the one who deserves to be taken out and given things and having fun, and playing with others. Not difficult child. I think that's what I've been mad about and fighting against the system about. You guys know and understand that living with a difficult child, we the family (easy child and I) are hostages and our lives are limited in such an extreme way that we have nothing for ourselves. No hobby, no sport, no fun dates, no quiet time, no friends (because you can't have them over, or go over there alone...so you isolate yourself due to the embarassement)........nothing. EVERYTHING is ALWAYS about difficult child, and what will or will not trigger him, what he can or can't handle or do, what he "allows" us to have or not have....etc. [B]THIS[/B] is something that I'm really trying to figure out....how to stop difficult child ALWAYS controlling our lives....but without a husband or boyfriend (or someone like that) where I can say to difficult child "since you [U]choose[/U] to act that way, you don't earn what easy child and I are going to do ______(fill in the blank)". And then actually leave him home with the other person while easy child and I go do whatever it was. I think if he could see that, then he'd know that he's not in charge and that has behavior is only hurting him.....and not us...cause we'll still go to where ever we said we were going. But because I don't have that someone in our lives, if he wants to stop something or sabotage something, then he can and we are the ones losing out. We're his hostages. See what I mean. Any thoughts on how to change this when it's only me alone? [/QUOTE]
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