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Parent Emeritus
"You hate her!"
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 114766" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p>Sending support. Been there too. Seems when I am the strong one, H caves and vice versa. And I can and will admit that there have been times when I've undermined my dear H right in front of difficult child! He's not even her bio dad, but he loves her so much and he's actually stuck out some rough stuff with us. I really really try to hold my tongue and/or wait until we're alone - not that it's any better (H hates being told his way is the wrong way, lol).</p><p></p><p>Also, there have been more times than I can count where difficult child has manipulated me so that I cave and H looks like the big meanie. After having had it done to me so many times, I can't believe I still sometimes fall for it. Well, not anymore though.</p><p></p><p>I think a compromise is in order but I do think difficult child should be given the opportunity to turn down the offer first. Star had a good idea with going out alone someplace, so you can talk and not yell, Know what I mean?? Maybe splitting the difference will help motivate difficult child and also make wife feel like she's at least doing something to help difficult child back on her feet. </p><p></p><p>It is pretty painful to see our children struggle and flounder and start at the bottom when we're fully capable of lending a hand. It killed me this morning to see difficult child scrounging around her car so she could find some change for coffee. But then I remembered that we had free coffee right upstairs in our kitchen, so there I left her in the driveway watching me with her forlorn look of despair. H slipped her a $20 the other day and the very next day she asked me for money for cigarettes. Um, no. </p><p></p><p>I agree with you 100%, but sometimes a compromise could be just the thing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 114766, member: 2211"] Sending support. Been there too. Seems when I am the strong one, H caves and vice versa. And I can and will admit that there have been times when I've undermined my dear H right in front of difficult child! He's not even her bio dad, but he loves her so much and he's actually stuck out some rough stuff with us. I really really try to hold my tongue and/or wait until we're alone - not that it's any better (H hates being told his way is the wrong way, lol). Also, there have been more times than I can count where difficult child has manipulated me so that I cave and H looks like the big meanie. After having had it done to me so many times, I can't believe I still sometimes fall for it. Well, not anymore though. I think a compromise is in order but I do think difficult child should be given the opportunity to turn down the offer first. Star had a good idea with going out alone someplace, so you can talk and not yell, Know what I mean?? Maybe splitting the difference will help motivate difficult child and also make wife feel like she's at least doing something to help difficult child back on her feet. It is pretty painful to see our children struggle and flounder and start at the bottom when we're fully capable of lending a hand. It killed me this morning to see difficult child scrounging around her car so she could find some change for coffee. But then I remembered that we had free coffee right upstairs in our kitchen, so there I left her in the driveway watching me with her forlorn look of despair. H slipped her a $20 the other day and the very next day she asked me for money for cigarettes. Um, no. I agree with you 100%, but sometimes a compromise could be just the thing. [/QUOTE]
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