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You Will NOT Believe This!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 390610" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>HaoZi, when difficult child 1 had friends who led him astray or who behaved badly in our home, I banned them from our home. They could talk to difficult child 1 outside, or he could come in and ask for an exemption. The friends eventually earned back the right to come inside.</p><p></p><p>It is important to avoid driving the problems underground, however. When difficult child 1's banned friends came round, I would still serve them snacks in the front yard on the picnic table, and I would often sit and drink coffee wile they all talked. I stayed quiet and kept my ears open - then talked to difficult child 1 about it later, role-playing possibilities. Also there were times when I drove difficult child 1 to meet his friends at the mall. One time, one of difficult child 1's friends wanted to tell me a very dirty joke to see how I would react. I stayed calm, did not react as other parents would, and totally embarrassed the guy with my public response. None of the difficult child friends ever tried anything like that again! But it did give me "cool cred" with them, which I think (I hope) influenced them to get back into my good books a bit more.</p><p></p><p>I've always made a point of being around when my kids had friends over. It got to the point where I had various difficult child friends ringing me up for advice, sometimes in the middle of the night. Or one of my kids would ask me, "Can so-and-so ring you and talk?" I felt sad that they didn't feel they could talk to their own parents. I did encourage them to talk to their parents, but sadly, it often backfired. I did successfully (a few times) suggest to a kid that they ask their parents to get them professional counselling. I never took the place of a professional, but would refer on as soon as it became obvious that the problem was not anything I should be touching. I don't advise becoming a counsellor to your kids' friends. Just saying, if it begins to happen at even a mild level, it actually is a good sign. Just don't get caught up in it, extricate yourself from it as soon as you can.</p><p></p><p>If you have a difficult child, chances are their friends will also be difficult children. Few PCs hang out long-term with a difficult child. Love the ones that do. But somewhere in such PCs, will be the kernel of GFGness that helps them identify with your child. Love that, too.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 390610, member: 1991"] HaoZi, when difficult child 1 had friends who led him astray or who behaved badly in our home, I banned them from our home. They could talk to difficult child 1 outside, or he could come in and ask for an exemption. The friends eventually earned back the right to come inside. It is important to avoid driving the problems underground, however. When difficult child 1's banned friends came round, I would still serve them snacks in the front yard on the picnic table, and I would often sit and drink coffee wile they all talked. I stayed quiet and kept my ears open - then talked to difficult child 1 about it later, role-playing possibilities. Also there were times when I drove difficult child 1 to meet his friends at the mall. One time, one of difficult child 1's friends wanted to tell me a very dirty joke to see how I would react. I stayed calm, did not react as other parents would, and totally embarrassed the guy with my public response. None of the difficult child friends ever tried anything like that again! But it did give me "cool cred" with them, which I think (I hope) influenced them to get back into my good books a bit more. I've always made a point of being around when my kids had friends over. It got to the point where I had various difficult child friends ringing me up for advice, sometimes in the middle of the night. Or one of my kids would ask me, "Can so-and-so ring you and talk?" I felt sad that they didn't feel they could talk to their own parents. I did encourage them to talk to their parents, but sadly, it often backfired. I did successfully (a few times) suggest to a kid that they ask their parents to get them professional counselling. I never took the place of a professional, but would refer on as soon as it became obvious that the problem was not anything I should be touching. I don't advise becoming a counsellor to your kids' friends. Just saying, if it begins to happen at even a mild level, it actually is a good sign. Just don't get caught up in it, extricate yourself from it as soon as you can. If you have a difficult child, chances are their friends will also be difficult children. Few PCs hang out long-term with a difficult child. Love the ones that do. But somewhere in such PCs, will be the kernel of GFGness that helps them identify with your child. Love that, too. Marg [/QUOTE]
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