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General Parenting
Your advice is working....I didn't take the bait!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 199883" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>It is hard to not be a mom, but sometimes it is all we can do. We have to sit back and wait for them to fall. Then, we can be mom again and help them -- not save them, but help them find the resources they need to get on with their lives. </p><p> </p><p>Your daughter is working hard to push you back to the way she knows and is comfortable with. Sadly, our kids and we get used to the battles, chaos, drama. Some of us (kids and adults) start to need the adrenaline rush that comes from all of the battles. The less we engage, the more they escalate, as I'm pretty sure your daughter will. Soon, you should be getting graphic details exactly what her "business" is (or what she chooses to make up to scare you). </p><p> </p><p>Think of your responses ahead of time. They could include:</p><p> </p><p>"I'm sorry you're taking that path. If you want to change, let me know. I'll help as much as I can.</p><p> </p><p>You do know that is illegal and understand that I won't help you if you're arrested?</p><p> </p><p>I'm sorry to hear you want to do that. I love you but I will have to report this to the police. You're putting other kids at risk and that's not acceptable."</p><p> </p><p>Don't discuss her actions or choices. Simply let her know they do have repercussions and what you are willing to help with and what you are not. Try to sound as non-judgmental as possible. When she goes into screaming defensive mode, walk away. Simply state you've said everything you plan to say on the matter and the conversation is over. If possible, leave the house.</p><p> </p><p>I wouldn't be surprised if you daughter is not into half of what she claims she is. She's still going to school. She's making it in before the doors are locked. She's baiting you, maybe to stop her before she really does those things but I'd guess more to get a rise out of you. I wish there was a way you could find out the truth from the fiction. Not an easy prospect when our kids are so close to (or at) adulthood.</p><p> </p><p>Good luck and keep up the good work!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 199883, member: 3626"] It is hard to not be a mom, but sometimes it is all we can do. We have to sit back and wait for them to fall. Then, we can be mom again and help them -- not save them, but help them find the resources they need to get on with their lives. Your daughter is working hard to push you back to the way she knows and is comfortable with. Sadly, our kids and we get used to the battles, chaos, drama. Some of us (kids and adults) start to need the adrenaline rush that comes from all of the battles. The less we engage, the more they escalate, as I'm pretty sure your daughter will. Soon, you should be getting graphic details exactly what her "business" is (or what she chooses to make up to scare you). Think of your responses ahead of time. They could include: "I'm sorry you're taking that path. If you want to change, let me know. I'll help as much as I can. You do know that is illegal and understand that I won't help you if you're arrested? I'm sorry to hear you want to do that. I love you but I will have to report this to the police. You're putting other kids at risk and that's not acceptable." Don't discuss her actions or choices. Simply let her know they do have repercussions and what you are willing to help with and what you are not. Try to sound as non-judgmental as possible. When she goes into screaming defensive mode, walk away. Simply state you've said everything you plan to say on the matter and the conversation is over. If possible, leave the house. I wouldn't be surprised if you daughter is not into half of what she claims she is. She's still going to school. She's making it in before the doors are locked. She's baiting you, maybe to stop her before she really does those things but I'd guess more to get a rise out of you. I wish there was a way you could find out the truth from the fiction. Not an easy prospect when our kids are so close to (or at) adulthood. Good luck and keep up the good work! [/QUOTE]
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Your advice is working....I didn't take the bait!!!
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