2 great days.. then... blow up

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Woofens, Oct 7, 2008.

  1. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    difficult child had a very good Sunday and Monday. Today's schedule was disrupted early on because I overslept. I had to drive the kids to school and difficult child J didn't want to get out of car, asked if he had to go. After being told calmly 3 times, he got out of the car and went into school. This afternoon I was at the DR with Moonwolf when difficult child and easy child's got done with school and Moonwolf's SO picked them up at bus stop. Did homework without incident. I have not been taking him to store etc with me on school nights because of an incident when he lied about having homework done so that he could go with me. Tonight easy child S had choir practice, so Moe (Moonwolf's SO) and I took easy child T and difficult child to grocery store. On the way difficult child got a bit upset because he wanted meatloaf for dinner and I had forgotten. When we got to the grocery store, he asked to push buggy. He immediately started running through the store with the buggy, and not staying with us. I asked him calmly about 3 times to stop running and stay with us. He finally got the buggy taken away from him and he asked to ride in the buggy. That only lasted a few minutes. He got out of buggy (with permission) and immediately started running through the store. Moe and I had to split up and go at him from separate ends of an aisle to catch him. we caught him in the middle of an aisle and he tried to run from us again. Moe picked him up in a fireman's carry over her shoulder and carried him from store. I finished shopping and went out to put groceries in car. difficult child J was at end of parking lot. He had gotten out of car and run from Moe. I told him we weren't allowed to run in parking lots. I caught him and Moe carried him back to the car, he refused to get in his car seat, stiffened up his body and was kicking. I called my SO M at work (only about 15 minutes from store) and he tried calling local Sheriffs dept to see if any of the officers we know we on duty. None were. Store manager got involved and said he had to call 911 because we were involving police. I talked him into calling store owner, and 911 was not called. By the time I had dealt with manager and diffused that situation, Moe had talked difficult child into car seat by promising to play football with his when we got home. (Which I don't agree with, seemed to be rewarding him for the behavior). During this time I had to have easy child stand on the sidewalk so that difficult child didn't kick her during the outburst.

    Now he is in his room calling names and slapping wall, because I took a toy ball bat from him that he was hitting things with.

    He told Moe tonight that he wanted to go live with his dad because I am mean, that he doesn't want to live with me anymore. I'm mean today because I corrected him for running through the store with the buggy and asking him to stay with us. Going to live with dad is NOT an option, as I have stated before, Dad is a functioning alcoholic and so is his SO. He also works 12 hours shift 4-5 days a week with a 100+ mile one way drive to and from work, so he is gone 14-15 hours a day when he is working. His SO has children that CPS has already taken from her for reason I do not know. I will do everything in my power to keep him from living with his dad.

    I know its going to get worse before it gets better. I know we are going to have good days and bad days.

    On the bright side, I have an appointment with my GP tomorrow (whom I absolutely LOVE) to talk to him about the situation here and getting back on my anti-depressants and possibly something for nerves/ anxiety.

    Jan
     
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Sounds to me like you handled the situation well.

    by the way, Welcome from a fellow rural ohioan. I don't get into General much these days.

    Hope tomorrow is a better day for you both.

    Hugs
     
  3. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Well I hope tomorrow is better.
    I think something is in the air... I agree you did handle it well! Take it one day at a time. Today was not good in the Totoro house either.
     
  4. Pookybear66

    Pookybear66 New Member

    Good work Woof! Keep reading the book as this is the exact thing it deals with.
    He had meatloaf in his head and got sidelined with irrational thinking. Then he got interested in buggy as way of coping (for them I've noticed doing a fun distracting thing so they are not frustrated with not getting their way). When you took the buggy away he got frustrated again. Then calmed down when in it but that got boring so he wanted out for "fun thing" again-running.
    When you caught him for running in store you removed him. that wasn't any fun at all so his frustration peaked and he became irrational because (in his mind) he didn't have any other "fun thing" choices. I hope this is making sense?
    The next step was compromise-sort of talking him down off the roof of his frustration if you will. Your SO did this and for the most part no harm done.

    I suggest next time you review the "rules" on the way to the store. Yes he already knows them but this way it's fresh in his mind. Tell him you are going to the store and will not tolerate running around the store or pushing the cart out of site. Then state it positively-You must stay where I can see you or we leave the store. Then follow through. It is always easier said then done. It is always about compromise with these difficult child's as they can't reason well for themselves. But they soon learn what buttons they can push and what rewards they will get. Just remember also to pick your battles. Safety is important-who pushes the cart is not.
     
  5. moonwolf

    moonwolf moonwolf

    Mom, I know how hard he can be...and I also heard what a morning you had today...just letting you know that I'm here for you...love you
     
  6. gayle16again

    gayle16again Guest

    Woofens is my best friend and I was so sorry to have to introduce her to ConductDisorders. But I knew how much help I had received here so many moons ago. I was with the board when Abbey still owned it, and now it looks like I'm back with difficult child 2.

    Oh joy.
     
  7. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    Thanks everyone, I've gotten good ideas here and I am so appreciative.
    Gayle, glad (sorta?? LOL) to see you here. Cause we need someplace else to talk right?
    love ya sis

    Hugs to all
    Jan
     
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