3 1/2 year old boy with behavior problems, Help!

[@ydensm@mm@]

I ma new to this site, I found it yesterday while looking for some answers about my little boy. He is 3 1/2, stay at home with me until he was 2 1/2, went to a home daycare and the lady was just great, it was a little hard for him to adapt, his vocabulary skills are limited, I spoke to him mostly spanish his first year and half, he has words but he just doesn't talk unless he decides to. Anyways, the home daycare lady moved to another statee and whe ahd to find another place for him. We placed him in "the best" development center in town, this past august and since that, some very nasty behavior started. He was bitting, spitting, screaming at the teachers, we are very aware of this changes and we start spending at least 3 hrs in the mornings with him there to see how we could help him to cooperate. He improved a lot, fallows directions but still pushes other kids for not apparent reason. He was hitting the teachers, but that went away at the same time that the bitting stopped. He had a speech screening and he failed that, we where aware of his delay on speech and we where looking for therapy for that. the development therapist that we when to see was helpful, and she didn't tested him, she said that he was untestable (without been aware that he was ready for his nap, didn't eat lunch yet and he meet her there for the first time). she recommended and Occupational Therapist (OT) and we have an appointment for february (?) Anyway, yesterday we went to get him from school, and he was crying in the director's office, he had a scracht in the face from her, she got mad at him because he was kicking the chair, and she asked him to stop and got on his face (he doenst like that at all) and he slapped her and kicked her, we happend to walk right there, he was crying because he wanted to come back to his classroom that he left after a birthday party and all the 20 kids got out of control, the teacher took some of the boys to the office,(she was the only teacher in the classroom) and this woman didnt let him go back with his teahcer thith his teacjer that went to get him back 3 times!!!! well, I don't know if taking him out of the center is the best thing to do because he likes his friends, he loves singing and playing, but he has been so sad since he is going there, yes, he is kinda rough with the kids sometimes, but some methods to deal with him that they use I am not happy with them.... i have no idea what to do and how to deal with this, he is at home with me today, and he help me cook, took a bath, made christmas cards with me.... he is not a bad boy and he is very smart, but his reactions sometimes are just not the ones that you want to. help me please!!!!

 

[saman]

Um..the DIRECTOR did that? Pull him. We had my son in the Montessori school in town...yeah, that was a nightmare. We found out too late in the game that ANYONE can open a montessori school...and call it that, without ANY affiliation with the National Montessori Boards. Anyway, we loved Parker's teachers, but the director is ulimately in control and she was terrible. There's some really awful stories I can tell...and Parker was there less than 5 weeks. If your little guy has a mark on his face from the director, it needs to be OVER. No adult should be getting into ANY kid's face. Oh that just makes me angry.

I wish you much luck. You certainly have challenges ahead, but in my opinion the good of this center is completely outweighed by a director that gets into a 3.5 year old's face.

My son is very impulsive and often does before he thinks...and he doesn't MEAN it, I truly believe that, but he'll hit, kick, push, whatever, and then realize that he shouldn't have. It the way these kids operate...and it's hard. Hang in there.

 

[@ydensm@mm@]

thanks saman! I just read your first post... I just wish to know how to help him navigate through school, I wish I knew what triggers his aggression. I agree with you in that they just can't stop themselves sometimes...
and yes, Austin, my husband just called me from work to see how we where doing and told me that he doesn't want him to go back...
I am so glad that your little one is improving every day!!!!
I am very happy that I found this place!
thanks
T

 

[SRL]

Was the developmental therapist someone from the county or public school district? I think I might contact her back and tell her what's been going on at preschool and see if she can't give you some direction since she'll have a good idea of what's going on in your location. It may be that this preschool isn't a good fit for your son or it may be that he needs more structure and supports. A child with both speech and Occupational Therapist (OT) issues could need more.

I'll also mention to you that some kids just aren't quite ready for preschool at age 3. 3 year old preschool is a pretty recent invention in the history of raising children.

 

[@ydensm@mm@]

we contact her today, and now we are just waiting for her to call us back. Ayden is going for his speech test on tuesday morning. I spoke to the speech therapist yesterday a few times. I think that we will talk to them about this and we are writing a letter to the school director about it too.

 

[SRL]

Are the developmental therapist, speech therapist, and Occupational Therapist (OT) involved with the school or are they from an outside private or county organization?

 

[@ydensm@mm@]

from the county

 

[SRL]

That's fine. If they were associated with the school then I was going to suggest seeking independent diagnosticians.

 

[@ydensm@mm@]

thank you, I am relaxed now that at least we decided to take him out of there, we are very active parents and we do things with him all the time, the only reason why we decided to put him at a center is for him to develop better social skills, but it has been worst. I will keep posting how the tests go, and how he is doing around other kids. We are taking him to the park later and we will see how he does!
Thanks again :smile:

 

[flutterbee]

I just wanted to welcome you to the board. :flower:

 

[Jere]

I feel your pain. Yes taking him out will probably be best. My 3.5 yo has had a speech delay since he was 1. He had lost of ear infections and to this day i still can't understand him sometimes. He has been in ST since he was 1 and now he is with the school district at a developmental pre-school. He has started showing some early signs of what his brother is doing now. He threw a chair at his CDC not the school teacher but a daycare teacher. They couldn't even tell me why. But they would never touch him. They are so loving even when he has these mini rages.

I am sure you will find a wonderful place for your son. ST has worked for us but like I said it has been going on since he was one and i still don't understand everything he says. He will learn and you are starting him early (before kindergarden) so keep on pushing!

 

[@ydensm@mm@]

UPdate on Ayden:
We spoke with the developmental therapist, she is just great, she listen to our concerns, and had great suggestions and how to help Ayden navigate through this time in his life, she suggested that we don't change him from that enviroment for now (we are going to south america for 3 weeks next week to visit my family) and we agreed with her on that, he doenst need to stress more. At the same time, she said that his development is fine, he is rather smarter than he can express right now and it seems to her that he is bored and that is why he acts up, but we are still going forward with the Occupational Therapist (OT) screening hopefully in january. About his school, we are thinking that we would find a new place when we get back, I really like his teachers though.
And he had his speech test yesterday. I have to say, I am surprised in how well he did, the ST say that he has a 25% delay and with that he wont be able to get to the public school system services right now... I don't know, but right now I am very relax about him, this week he has been so good, listening, fallowing directions, not all the time but more than before, having some tantrums but c'mon, he is 3 1/2!

I'll also mention to you that some kids just aren't quite ready for preschool at age 3. 3 year old preschool is a pretty recent invention in the history of raising children.

SRL, I agree with you, I am from south america, and this thing of putting 20 childrens that are 3yo all together in one room for 6 hrs or more a day and the spectation is to be "perfect kids" is just crazy!

Anyways, thank you all for all the support, this site is great, and you all are too!
have a great weekend!

 

[SRL]

I'm of the opinion that three year old preschool is highly overrated in this country. It's really been a recent trend, and one that has became popular as more moms hit the work force. Preschool's primary function is to help prepare children for kindergarten and one year is enough for that. Make sure that you choose a preschool that stresses socialization. I was in no hurry to get my children out the door--none attended 3 year old preschool, all had 1 year delayed entry into kindergarten because of birthdates, and all went to half day kindergarten. They had a lot of time to hang around home and just be kids, to go to the library, play outside, etc. Didn't hurt them a bit--my daughter was the only student going to half day kindergarten with the rest of her class full day and when I asked if she was behind because of it she said no, she was ahead because of it.

If he doesn't settle down well in a new preschool and you aren't seeing good progress on the speech, I'd pursue private evaluation and private speech therapy. A 25% delay at age 3 could be causing some frustrations but not agression.

 

[susiestar]

I would definitely go through with the Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation. It can't hurt him, and it certainly could give you tools to help him. At the very least ask if brushing would help, even just to relax him. We do brushing with my youngest, and even with the older 2 when they seem really agitated. Heck, I find it can really help ME! If you end up needing to order Occupational Therapist (OT) supplies, PM me and I will send a really good Occupational Therapist (OT) supply site.

As for the school, I would certainly NOT send him back. If the person in charge of the school has so little control that she leaves a mark on a child for kicking a chair while sitting in it, how on EARTH is this place going to teach good social skills???

Seems outrageous to me. I would lodge a complaint. Maybe a 2-3 day mother's day out program would be good? My son went to one and loved it. It was mornings 2 days a week, just time to have coffee with a friend or run an errand or sit in the park and chill. The people in charge were retired from the early childhood center at the university (the director was a retired professor emeritus - and amazing!!).You also might tap into homeschool networks/groups in the area. NOT that he needs to be schooled, but that the gatherings are pretty low key, often it is all the kids with mom, so there are some in each age group to play with.

Have a good trip!

 

[@ydensm@mm@]

Hi everybody!
We got back from our trip a few weeks ago and it was great. Ayden had a great time and he behave just fine. The most interesting thing about the trip is that while in my mothers house, he started to talk up a storm, and after we got back home, he slowly stop using all the words that he was before. Has been better at the playground, but still doesn't like to fallow directions.
We pulled him out of the "best development center" in town and got him 3 days a week a the local Lutheran church daycare. I love it. I think that he gets overwhelmed with all the new friends and the new toys.... on his first day he went to the principals office 2 times, the first one because he didn't wanted to nap, the second one because he slapped the teacher. The principal say that he was very dificult and didn't wanted to fallow directions, they are going to give him a month to adapt and after that we will see she say. They seem to be willing to ive him a try and I really appreciate that. They use the Love and Logic philosophy, I am looking into getting that book and some material they offer.
We are trying to get him to speech therapy at the elementary school in our area and I am still waiting for the Occupational Therapist (OT) to give me an appointment.
I am just affraid that he is going to have a bad experience again...
it hurts me so much to see him sad at school and I can't figure it out why he is not talking much again...
Anyway, I hope that all of you are having a good day and thank you so much again for having this site, it has been the most helpful resource I found yet.

 

[Lulu]

I'm glad you had a great time during your trip. I hope the new church childcare works out for him. Keep us posted on your/his progress. It is incredibly frustrating to see our kids this way. I understand.

 

[@ydensm@mm@]

This is an update on difficult child:
we went yesterday to his 1st appointment with Occupational Therapist (OT), this lady is great...
anyway, difficult child apparently has a sensory processing disorder, not sure yet how to approach it until he gets the full evaluation... I have been reading about it all day... freaks me out to think that he is dealing with this and more than anything I can't help having the feeling of guilt and helplessness that I have right now... I am sure and I have faith that e will overcome this but I am so overwhelmed with everything... he has been doing much. much better at the new school, the work with the jim fay love and logic philosophy and that seems to get to him, but still, he just suddenly goes off and hits a child or doesnt want to listen to the teachers...
Occupational Therapist (OT) says that it looks like there is a problem with- his fine motor skills and that turns on his little button... anyway, again, thanks for being here always, husband is working still and is always nice to know that you all are here

 

[Lulu]

I'm so glad to hear that the Occupational Therapist (OT) went well and that you are closer to figuring out how to help Ayden. Keep us posted!

 

[SRL]

It's always so overwhelming at the beginning--everything is new and you don't want to miss a thing!

Occupational Therapist (OT) is usually a very positive experience for kids. You will learn a lot by sitting in on the therapy session if your schedule allows it. The Out of Sync Child by Carol Kranowitz is a good place to start.

Will Ayden be seeing the developmental therapist again? The reason that I ask is that when a child has diagnosed speech and Occupational Therapist (OT) problems alongside of behavioral issues, it's important that an assessment for Autistic Spectrum Disorders be included as part of the evaluation process. We mention this to all parents whose kids come through here with red flags in several of the areas because it's often missed in young children, especially when they're higher functioning and get along fairly well in the world.

-Is he lining up toys or other objects, either in straight lines or formations?
-Is he memorizing chunks of movies, tv programs, or books and repeating them back at different times?
-How about echoing speech back to you (ie You ask "Do you want a cookie?" and he anwers "Do you want a cookie?" instead of answering "Yes"

 

[@ydensm@mm@]

oh my god srl, the answer to all those questions is yes...