A moment...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Heartsick, May 21, 2009.

  1. Heartsick

    Heartsick New Member

    I have learned alot from this group. One thing is that difficult child seems to feed off of my emotions, stress, voice level. Today she came out dressed in dirty clothes (normal for her...sigh). I instantly could smell urine. I wanted to rip her face off and ask what she peed on this time. I simply told her to go change, and turned around to finish breakfast. Her mouth started going in absolute protest, and I felt her eyes roll. A few min later went and asked her what she peed on her response was yell name calling slamming things, denial. I kept my voice lower, face open, and eyes from rolling. I said (very hard) I know we have accidents sometimes, just please (grit teeth) tell me where you peed in your room. She said she did not. Told her I could smell it strong on her. What happened. Finally she said it was on her shorts. Ok why...again denial after admitting it. Finally said it was from the water park on Sat, she "accidently" peed. ok.....but you were in the water. I said (AHHHHH) was it an accident, you are not in trouble I just want the truth? She said she did not know where the bathroom was (true) and just went in her pants. She then cried. Was not sure what to do about that, so I left the room. May not have been perfect, but better than most moments. I did just get done with a long run, so my anger was at a minimum.
     
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    It is hard to learn how to respond without over-responding, sounding judgemental, instigating a fight etc. Sounds like you tried very hard and felt proud of your improvement. Way To Go! It is a long hard road for most of us....but, with practice, it does get easier. Hugs. DDD
     
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Good job! It is SO hard not to engage, but engaging them is so counter-productive! Good job!
     
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Good for you! It took time to build to the point you are now which is often immediate offense or defense. It will take patience to tear that down and replace it with calmness like you did today. Great job!
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I think, if she is ten, it's time for a neuropsychologist evaluation. It isn't normal for a ten year old to pee in her pants, even if she has no idea where the bathroom is. Kids ask, "Where is the bathroom?" They care about being socially appropriate. I think you realize that something is "off" about her.

    My advice is to have her evaluated from head to toe and in the opinions of many of us, NeuroPsychs do the best evaluations to find disorders. I do not believe this is a behavioral issue. I think something is wrong. Is there a reason why she has not been diagnosed yet? If you are waiting for her to change, well, she's ten. I'd get her help now.
     
  6. Heartsick

    Heartsick New Member

    Thank you so much, the effort this morning was more difficult than running miles. Today was a big step, but tommorrow I will more than likely fail. I will cry, feel guilty and do it all over again. With the help of this site, I just may stay sane.

    In answer to your question about why I have not had difficult child diagnosed. I have had her to several docs since she was 3, because of various symptoms. Nothing. Normal. Lock her in the room if she does not stop screaming.(pediatrician advice not mine) etc. As she got older I thought maybe she was normal and I was overreacting. I then had easy child they ARE SO DIFFERENT, and I realized it was not normal behavior.(yes denial) 2 years ago pediatrician put her on Trazadone, bought pills could not give them to her (my fear). Recently she was placed Cloniden because she does not sleep. Failed. After finding this site I have now made an appointment to get the referal, I have to do this.
     
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi Heartsick,
    Whew! Glad you got through that one. You did a great job.
    Keep up the good work!
    I would suggest that the next time she goes somewhere, either a friend's house or a water park, that you walk her around the place, and point out where everything is so she knows ahead of time. You have to outguess her, because she's not going to make a move to say anything, as you have discovered.

    Do you have her doing her own laundry? We do that with-my son, who still wets his bed, especially after he has had wheat.
    If it's too overwhelming for her to do the laundry alone, you can do it together.

    I know what you mean about feeling like you're overreacting. I went for yrs telling my husband and the pediatrician that something was wrong and I knew in my gut that something was wrong, but no one seemed to believe me. Then difficult child acted like a monster at the pediatrician's office (at the prospect of a shot, flew out of the dr's office, down the hall, and hid for several min until a nurse found him, then screamed bloody murder, way beyond anything age appropriate. The pediatrician said he's never seen anything like it. I felt SO validated! Of course, there was no diagnosis, but at least there was a witness to the over-the-top behavior.)

    That is all to say, trust your mommy gut and keep working on a diagnosis.

    by the way, if the clonidine isn't working for sleep, you may want to try Vistaril, an antihistamine. It worked really well for us.
     
  8. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hi,

    good job! It isn't easy not to engage, it's probably one of the most difficult things for us parents when handling challenging kids like ours.

    Yet we all know when we engage it escalates the situation and nothing good comes form that. You did great, and even removing yourself when you were at a loss was even good. better to time out yourself than to say what might of set the sitaution spinning the wrong way.

    it is a good idea to go ahead and get another evaluation only because the pre hormonal years are coming up now as well, and once that starts sheesh lol hard to distinguish black from white :)

    your doing great, keep up the good work, the answer's will come in time. sometimes they just take longer than we expected. yet making her responsible for it was great i thought. my difficult child pees also, wetsthe bed, now she gets up changes the sheets in the middle of the night and cleans herself off.

    that wasn't always the case lol.

    (((Hugs)))
     
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