Adult Daughter stealing, lying and using

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Desperate Pops, Jun 20, 2015.

  1. Desperate Pops

    Desperate Pops New Member

    I have an adult daughter who's been using prescription drugs on and off for 6 years now. I've been taking care of my grandson for 5 of the 9 years he's been on this earth. She moved in my home 4 months ago because her marriage fell apart from her drug use. She seemed okay for awhile but is now acting like she's using again. She's been lying to me and now stealing from me. She stole my checkbook with all my credit cards in it and has rang up a huge bill. I cancelled the cards and turned it over to the fraud department with my card companies. She denies using them or having my checkbook and I constantly get stories (lies) from her. They are so outrageous that they just fall short of an alien abduction. I'm going to have to kick her out of the house and I'm worried about my grandson because I know she'll be taking him with her and there is nothing I can do about it. I have to get her out of here before my house is plundered and up for sale. I live in Illinois and it's very hard to get authorities involved unless something bad happens. Don't know what course of action to take, except have her removed and wait for something to happen in order to keep my grandson safe. She's been enabled by her ex-husband for years. She's been in a lot of car accidents and skipped out of any DUI charges. I'm torn apart from making sure my grandson is safe and getting her out. My fiancé isn't going to put up with much more. Just don't know what to do.
  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Have you talked to a lawyer? Can you file for custody? If you have been keeping him safe for all those years you should be able to make a good case. Do you have proof that you have been supporting him and she abandoned him?
  3. Desperate Pops

    Desperate Pops New Member

    I have witnesses, cancelled checks for school tuition for 2 1/2 years only problem is her ex-husband paid it this past school year because I was unable and unwilling to finance when he's buying her expensive gifts, like a 5,000.00 purse and a ring that cost more than my car. After years of embezzlement he had enough. I foolishly took her in because he had her forced from the home legally and divorced her. I wanted to believe she would change. I could probably get enough people to give statements as to him staying with me on and off for the last 2 years, because of her using. Like I stated before, if they would only have her tested, I believe she would have enough Xanax and Norco in her system to prove she's using.
  4. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this.
  5. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Have you thought of calling child protective services? I know that feels extreme and your daughter would feel it is a betrayal but they may be the best way to protect your grandson. I really feel for you.... it sounds like a very difficult situation and I agree it is time for your daughter to leave your home. Sometimes there really is no other option. You need to take care of yourself and your own relationship with your fiancee.
  6. lovemyson1

    lovemyson1 Active Member

    It's so so sooooo hard when there is a child involved. Makes me feel like my problems are so small, thank God my son has no children yet. I agree with Nancy, you may need to file for custody to protect your grandson. If you're not willing to take care of him, child protective services is the next best thing. Or perhaps his father will take him in and then you could make your daughter leave. She definitley doesn't belong home with you after stealing and lying. I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope things get better!
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I think the best course is to file criminal charges. This will get authorities involved and hopefully she will have some jail time to get clean. This will involve CPS and give you a chance to save your grandson from her. Make sure grandson has a cell phone and can use it so that he can call for help if she tries to harm him or else he is otherwise in danger.

    Get her out of your home ASAP. Make sure you speak to an attorney about filing charges and about custody of your grandson.

    I am sorry things are so bad.
  8. VirginiaMom

    VirginiaMom New Member

    You are under NO obligation to keep her in your home and you can evict her. I agree about social services but unfortunately, unless she does something to your grandson that is abusive, neglectful and/or dangerous, you can't obtain custody.

    My daughter has had a pill issue (opiates) that has graduated to heroin and possibly alcohol too. Last year she was stopped by police and had her daughter with her - and a "controlled substance" aka heroin. She gave temporary custody of her daughter to a friend in NJ. Since, she has been in and out of hotel rooms, back and forth and doing whatever. I have no clue. They lie, they will cheat and steal. She was at a local Battered Women's Shelter starting last month, claimed to be "clean" and working the program. While we were on vacation last week, she broke into our home, stole money and jewelry and my husband's car. We came home early to find his car missing. She is currently at our local jail.

    No more. I get what you are stating. I am done, I am tired, I don't feel guilty for her poor choices. I have done all I could do to help without enabling and I am not doing anything anymore! Fortunately the young woman who has her daughter is doing well by her and has a whole lot of family support.
  9. Wanda

    Wanda New Member

    I feel your pain I'm going through same my 27 year old daughter started stealing from me when she was 12 just 3 months ago stole the one of the last 2 rings I had left of my mother. She admitted to pawning it and said she didn't regret it. She hit redial after I telephone banked my bills to get my password and for months she stole hundreds a week from my account. She had a bank account but it was closed when she deposited an empty envelope stating it had $200 but was fraud.
    Since she recently stole from me 3months ago I've been stuck in bed paralyzed as I had just let her live with me for the past 1 1/2 with my 2 grandkids whom now she is also stealing them from me as well as stealing from them their grandma
    Oh lord I truly don't know if I can get out of this bed ever again
    I've worked so hard all my life I served in the military and now I'm a welder
    I've always worked making 100,000 a year but I reached a breaking point and I can't after 15 years of being robbed by my daughter I can't get out of bed
    My god what do I do
  10. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Wanda, this is an old thread. I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this. Have you pressed charges for the missing ring and money from your account? This needs to be documented.

    It is so hard to go thru what you are going thru... You might need to talk to your doctor about medications for depression...or a referral to someone who can prescribe. Do you have any family members who can help you and be supportive.

    You have got to find a way to stand up to this... Don't retreat to your bed. You are stronger than you even know! The military...a welder...look what you have been able to accomplish! Do you still get military insurance or veteran benefits that could help you during this time?

    Please keep in touch with the he group...start your own thread...hang in there!
    This group will cheer you on. Read the article posted about detachment. Start taking baby steps...