tryinghard
New Member
I have quite a few things weighing heavy on my heart recently (difficult child diagnosis'd with type one diabetes two months ago. I lost my job in the mortgage industry after 22 years and had to start over in a new industry commission only, difficult child struggles with homework (4 plus hours a night I have to work with him), easy child graduating and leaving home in June for college) I have posted about feeling very depressed and have made an apt to see a doctor.
The other big issue in my life is that I have not spoken to my mother in eight years. I am a very sensitive person with a big heart and the fact that I am unable to have a relationship with my mom hurts me every day. I am sad for her and sad for me. So I will try and give you a readers digest version....
My mom has always been different from other moms and I knew this very early on. She use to tell me she had a headache and sleep all day for weeks on end in a dark room. I only remember my mom laughing and being happy a few times in my life. My mom never had friends and her marriage to my father (who is a very nice man) was horrible. My mom always told stories about how everyone (including my dad) was mean to her, did this or that to her, was mean, was unfair, cheated her....you name it she said it.
As I got older my mom got meaner toward me. Every time she saw me the within the first ten minutes she would say something negative like, I don't like your makeup, your hair, that top, your hair cut....
I felt an obligation to be a "nice" daughter because she was my mother. The two times I blew up at her she would call the next day like nothing had happened. No apology, no acknowledgement nothing..
My mom was always sad that she did not have friends and when I was in high school would tell me that "no one understood her or what she was going through"
My mom tried to partiscipate in a women's jail ministry and got thrown out in two weeks. They told her she was too arrogant and cold.
I know my mom is on a TON of medications because a few years ago she had not slept in four days and had my brother take her to the hospital. She told the doctor all the medications she was on and the doctor told my brother he couldn't give her anything else because she was over medicated as it was.
My mom "makes things up". She will tell me how mean my husband is to her when he has jumped through hoops for her. She tells me I "look at her weird" and I did not. She will not listen to reason or logic.
So, eight years ago she went CRAZY because my brother married someone she did not like (They are still VERY happlily married and my sister in law is WONDERFUL) So mom would call the house and leave messages 10 times a day for months before the wedding ranting, crying, raving.... I listened and listened. Finally she asked my opinion. I told her I liked my future sister in law and my brother was a 30 year old man and if that is what he wanted I supported him. Well....all HECK broke loose and she told me every mean thing a mother could tell a daughter and more. She verbally attacked my husband and children too. So, I stopped talked to her becaue I refused to be treated that way.
A year later (when she went to the hospital for not sleeping) she called crying and told me she was sorry she was a bad mother. I told her she was not a bad mother, that I loved her and I know in my heart she did the best she could. I called her every day for a few days and then she reverted back to being mean to me. I sat on the phone for an hour and listened to her put me, my brother, my dad, my kids everyone down.
I have not spoken to her since.
So my questions to you are
Have any of you experienced this?
How do you handle it?
Do you think I should try and contact my mom and have some type of a relationship?
After reading all board for the last few months my mom is obviously a difficult child. I am going to guess she is on the autistic spectrum and has major depression.
I am sorry this post was so long...I left off a lot of stuff
The other big issue in my life is that I have not spoken to my mother in eight years. I am a very sensitive person with a big heart and the fact that I am unable to have a relationship with my mom hurts me every day. I am sad for her and sad for me. So I will try and give you a readers digest version....
My mom has always been different from other moms and I knew this very early on. She use to tell me she had a headache and sleep all day for weeks on end in a dark room. I only remember my mom laughing and being happy a few times in my life. My mom never had friends and her marriage to my father (who is a very nice man) was horrible. My mom always told stories about how everyone (including my dad) was mean to her, did this or that to her, was mean, was unfair, cheated her....you name it she said it.
As I got older my mom got meaner toward me. Every time she saw me the within the first ten minutes she would say something negative like, I don't like your makeup, your hair, that top, your hair cut....
I felt an obligation to be a "nice" daughter because she was my mother. The two times I blew up at her she would call the next day like nothing had happened. No apology, no acknowledgement nothing..
My mom was always sad that she did not have friends and when I was in high school would tell me that "no one understood her or what she was going through"
My mom tried to partiscipate in a women's jail ministry and got thrown out in two weeks. They told her she was too arrogant and cold.
I know my mom is on a TON of medications because a few years ago she had not slept in four days and had my brother take her to the hospital. She told the doctor all the medications she was on and the doctor told my brother he couldn't give her anything else because she was over medicated as it was.
My mom "makes things up". She will tell me how mean my husband is to her when he has jumped through hoops for her. She tells me I "look at her weird" and I did not. She will not listen to reason or logic.
So, eight years ago she went CRAZY because my brother married someone she did not like (They are still VERY happlily married and my sister in law is WONDERFUL) So mom would call the house and leave messages 10 times a day for months before the wedding ranting, crying, raving.... I listened and listened. Finally she asked my opinion. I told her I liked my future sister in law and my brother was a 30 year old man and if that is what he wanted I supported him. Well....all HECK broke loose and she told me every mean thing a mother could tell a daughter and more. She verbally attacked my husband and children too. So, I stopped talked to her becaue I refused to be treated that way.
A year later (when she went to the hospital for not sleeping) she called crying and told me she was sorry she was a bad mother. I told her she was not a bad mother, that I loved her and I know in my heart she did the best she could. I called her every day for a few days and then she reverted back to being mean to me. I sat on the phone for an hour and listened to her put me, my brother, my dad, my kids everyone down.
I have not spoken to her since.
So my questions to you are
Have any of you experienced this?
How do you handle it?
Do you think I should try and contact my mom and have some type of a relationship?
After reading all board for the last few months my mom is obviously a difficult child. I am going to guess she is on the autistic spectrum and has major depression.
I am sorry this post was so long...I left off a lot of stuff