AndSoItGoes
New Member
Hi,
My almost 18 year-old son is about 6 weeks into his juvenile treatment court (JTC) program. Two weeks in he had weed in his urine and got 30 days of in home detention (IHD), which allows him to leave the house only for school and work. Right when IHD started, he started a program at community college that will let him finish high school and earn college credit. He's also working as a lifeguard and is well-liked. He is talented in other ways, including art. He was nearing the end of his IHD, was ready to move from stage 1 to stage 2 in JTC, doing well in school and work, all while in IHD. His scheduled court date was today, Wednesday.
This past weekend I found K2/spice and rum in his room, which are of course not allowed in my house or for people in JTC. On past occasions when I've found weed or alcohol I've disposed of them and imposed punishments but not told law enforcement. That approach hasn't worked. This time I let the district attorney (DA) for the JTC program know, and told my son that I let the DA know. My son didn't take this well. He thinks I should have taken it up with him rather than going to the DA. He would probably get a weekend detention and remain in stage 1 because I snitched. Monday night he focused in on my snitching rather than his own behavior, asked me if I wanted to fight him, and tried to provoke and intimidate me. All of this was new behavior for him. Around 10 pm Monday night I got a call from a friend asking me to please leave the house because of a snapchat video that my son had posted showing him ranting angrily about my snitching, threatening, brandishing a knife, and talking about honor killing. I watched the video, which I found disturbing. I thought that the risk of my son actually trying to hurt me in my sleep (I wasn't worried while awake) was low but maybe not zero, especially if he was smoking K2. Because my wife and daughter were away, I just left the house and slept at a friend's. I told the DA and provided her with the video. Tuesday night I arranged to stay at a friend's house. My son called me very upset and wanted me to come home. I agreed under the condition that we would talk about his behavior rather than mine. He agreed to and abided by this condition. My son was distraught that his world was coming apart, that he would be put into placement until he was 18 because of a perceived threat to the household. I told him that I would tell the judge that I don't think he is a threat to anyone in the home, which I believe to be true.
At court today the judge ordered my son held in juvenile detention pending a psychiatric evaluation. The public defender had tried to call me this morning to let me know this was going to happen but I missed the call. The ruling happened quite abruptly. I was asked if I had anything to tell the court, and just said "no". I would think that holding him pending a psychiatric evaluation was an unqualified good outcome if it didn't take so long to get a psychiatric evaluation in the juvenile justice system. It seems that the earliest this could happen would be by his next court date in 2 weeks; it could take a month, when he would be 18. My son will probably have to drop out of the community college program and lose his job. I believe or at least hope that what I did is in my son's long-term interest, but clearly feel it is having some untoward and unnecessary short-term effects. My son blames me almost completely. He admits he should not have bought the K2 or posted the video, although he thinks the video was him venting understandable anger. He does not buy into JTC program, but sees it rather as a game to get around. Of course he's going to drink; people drink. If I had done anything else about the K2 and alcohol, he would have kept playing the game, perhaps successfully in the short term, but I think would have tripped eventually. He has a prior arrest for terroristic threats using social media, and clearly needs help dealing with anger.
I visited my son today, his first day in a juvenile detention center waiting what will be too long for a psychiatric evaluation. It was no fun not being able to help him, and being seen by him as the main cause of his world crumbling down. I realize intellectually that I can't control the narrative that my son constructs to tell his life story. That doesn't make me feel better though. I know what I did was right, but the downside of what I did has tangible consequences now. The upside is much more abstract and in the future. Hard to accurately weigh such things.
My almost 18 year-old son is about 6 weeks into his juvenile treatment court (JTC) program. Two weeks in he had weed in his urine and got 30 days of in home detention (IHD), which allows him to leave the house only for school and work. Right when IHD started, he started a program at community college that will let him finish high school and earn college credit. He's also working as a lifeguard and is well-liked. He is talented in other ways, including art. He was nearing the end of his IHD, was ready to move from stage 1 to stage 2 in JTC, doing well in school and work, all while in IHD. His scheduled court date was today, Wednesday.
This past weekend I found K2/spice and rum in his room, which are of course not allowed in my house or for people in JTC. On past occasions when I've found weed or alcohol I've disposed of them and imposed punishments but not told law enforcement. That approach hasn't worked. This time I let the district attorney (DA) for the JTC program know, and told my son that I let the DA know. My son didn't take this well. He thinks I should have taken it up with him rather than going to the DA. He would probably get a weekend detention and remain in stage 1 because I snitched. Monday night he focused in on my snitching rather than his own behavior, asked me if I wanted to fight him, and tried to provoke and intimidate me. All of this was new behavior for him. Around 10 pm Monday night I got a call from a friend asking me to please leave the house because of a snapchat video that my son had posted showing him ranting angrily about my snitching, threatening, brandishing a knife, and talking about honor killing. I watched the video, which I found disturbing. I thought that the risk of my son actually trying to hurt me in my sleep (I wasn't worried while awake) was low but maybe not zero, especially if he was smoking K2. Because my wife and daughter were away, I just left the house and slept at a friend's. I told the DA and provided her with the video. Tuesday night I arranged to stay at a friend's house. My son called me very upset and wanted me to come home. I agreed under the condition that we would talk about his behavior rather than mine. He agreed to and abided by this condition. My son was distraught that his world was coming apart, that he would be put into placement until he was 18 because of a perceived threat to the household. I told him that I would tell the judge that I don't think he is a threat to anyone in the home, which I believe to be true.
At court today the judge ordered my son held in juvenile detention pending a psychiatric evaluation. The public defender had tried to call me this morning to let me know this was going to happen but I missed the call. The ruling happened quite abruptly. I was asked if I had anything to tell the court, and just said "no". I would think that holding him pending a psychiatric evaluation was an unqualified good outcome if it didn't take so long to get a psychiatric evaluation in the juvenile justice system. It seems that the earliest this could happen would be by his next court date in 2 weeks; it could take a month, when he would be 18. My son will probably have to drop out of the community college program and lose his job. I believe or at least hope that what I did is in my son's long-term interest, but clearly feel it is having some untoward and unnecessary short-term effects. My son blames me almost completely. He admits he should not have bought the K2 or posted the video, although he thinks the video was him venting understandable anger. He does not buy into JTC program, but sees it rather as a game to get around. Of course he's going to drink; people drink. If I had done anything else about the K2 and alcohol, he would have kept playing the game, perhaps successfully in the short term, but I think would have tripped eventually. He has a prior arrest for terroristic threats using social media, and clearly needs help dealing with anger.
I visited my son today, his first day in a juvenile detention center waiting what will be too long for a psychiatric evaluation. It was no fun not being able to help him, and being seen by him as the main cause of his world crumbling down. I realize intellectually that I can't control the narrative that my son constructs to tell his life story. That doesn't make me feel better though. I know what I did was right, but the downside of what I did has tangible consequences now. The upside is much more abstract and in the future. Hard to accurately weigh such things.