An Update! re: easy child being bullied...help please

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by tinamarie1, Feb 27, 2007.

  1. tinamarie1

    tinamarie1 Member

    Hi. Im so sorry I didn't come back to update sooner. Well, what happened is I went home that night and talked to easy child, told her that it is not her fault. She asked me to give it one day and if things were the same or worse, she said she wanted to go to the principals office with me. I said ok, I will let you try to handle the situation but if it continues we have to put a stop to it. She felt very confident that things would work out, as this group of girls usually never go after the same person twice, they are always on the prowl for new victims. That night, easy child asked me to pray with her, as she was a little nervous about the next day. I told her that kids who are bullies are usuallly looking for something that is missing in their life or trying to compensate for something. She said, mom doesn't the bible say to pray for your enemies? I said yes it does. So we cried and prayed together. The next day, all was fine. She said they acted like she didn't even exist. *sigh* big relief. It is so hard being a parent and going through this because you never know if you have done the right thing. I still don't know...because I know that this group of girls will just move on to the next innocent victim and I hate that! But I wanted to respect easy child's wishes and give it a chance to work out on its own. So for now things are ok. Just a funny side note, she said that same day she had the problems, one of the girls on the bus was telling one of easy child's friends that she shouldn't be friends with her that she is this or that, and she lies, etc. Funny tho, because the sweetheart friend said, "oh I don't beleive any of that, ____ is not that kind of person". I said to easy child, now that is a sign of a true friend.
    tina






    We are not usually on the recieving end of this. I have been called a few times about difficult child being the bullier. But today easy child calls me sobbing saying that in gym class, a group of girls were throwing things at her, a water bottle hit her in the head, and they got up in her face, called her fat and some other things. easy child said that the teacher saw part of this taking place and did nothing. easy child even went to the teacher and told her they were doing this, but again she did nothing about it. At first easy child said, please mom don't call the school because it will just make things worse. I said, ok if you don't want me to then I won't. Then she said, ok go ahead and call. The school is closed now, so I will have to deal with this in the morning. I don't know if I should address this with her teacher or go straight to the principal. About the bottled water thing, my difficult child hit the bottom of a bottle someone was drinking out of and he got a referral to the office, so wouldn't you think someone deliberately throwing a bottle at easy child and hitting her on the head would be grounds for atleast a trip to the office?
    I don't know quite how to handle this. easy child rides the bus home with 2 of the girls and I am afraid it is only going to get worse.
    Help!
     
  2. Loris

    Loris New Member

    It is the responsilbility of the school to protect your daughter. I would call and also let them know that the teacher saw this and did nothing. Your daughter does not deserve this.
     
  3. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I agree with Lori, Tinamarie. When you are talking to the principal it would probably be a good idea to mention that your daughter rides on the bus with two of the girls. Hopefully the principal will give a head's up to the bus driver to keep an eye on them.

    It might not be a bad idea to do a followup email after the phone call. That way you have a written record for your files. You could start it off "Dear Mr/Ms Principal...I want to summarize our phone conversation this morning.....yada yada yada...and these are your action steps to protect my daughter in the future...yada yada yada..."

    etc.

    Suz
     
  4. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Suz is right.

    The thing is, difficult children do tend to be discipline more harshly because, I think, people feel they need it more. You can't let them get away with any bad behaviour. We saw this with difficult child 3 especially - he would be punished for the end result of a long interaction which began with a group of kids bullying him. But only difficult child would be punished. And when he complained about being bullied, they not only didn't take him seriously, they punished him for shouting at the teacher who sent him back to the area with the bully. Then later, they sent him AND the bully back to the classroom, unsupervised, to get their schoolbags. And when the bully reported that difficult child 3 had hit him - it was difficult child 3 who got detention. This bully would lie in wait for difficult child 3 in the neighbourhood and attack him, unprovoked (as reported by independent witnesses). The school didn't handle it. It only stopped when I stepped in and faced the kid with his mother (who actually is a very nice person). The bully was given boundaries and has adhered to them. No more problems.

    Stepping in to complain can lead to further victimisation, but once you begin to take action, you should never back down. If the bullying continues or escalates as a result of making complaints, you complain louder, longer and higher up. As bullies get suspended, eventually they either get the message, or get taken out of the environment.

    Give easy child a hug for me, tell her she's a responsible but brave girl to be doing this. She won't be the only kid being bullied and if she can stop this now, there are others who will be safer as a result.

    Marg
     
  5. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    First thing I'd do is make sure easy child knows this isn't her fault. Then ask her to re-tell the story, slowly, and take notes on who was there and what was said & done. Then, I'd type it up and drive easy child to school today. I'd be sitting in that office quietly (but firmly) demanding to speak with the principal. I'd make he/she understands that you know this is heinous/threatening/demeaning behavior easy child was made to endure. And you are sure he/she will be doing everything possible to not only protect your child, but make sure the teacher is aware of the district standards on bullying (attach a copy from off their website) and you are absolutely certain that these poor, unfortunate girls will be taught the errors of their ways.
    Because you know the school's tough stance on such issues from when difficult child was the perpetrator....
     
  6. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style="color: #333399">i agree with-TM. i doubt there is a school district in this country that doesn't have madates about bullying. they've been sued to often for failure to protect.

    time to kick it up a notch.

    kris </span>
     
  7. DancerMom

    DancerMom New Member

    Tina Marie,

    Hi, I have been away awhile, but I have been through this same thing with my difficult child 1. She begged and begged me not to say anything to anyone because she feared it would make it worse. Some of the more seasoned members here may remember (2 years ago Feb.) she was attacked by a girl who was over 21 years old and had a prison track record a mile long. She was "taking up for her friends". She grabbed difficult child out of my car's backseat while we were stopped. Long story short, difficult child had contusions, scratches, black eyes, hair ripped from her head. I regret I didn't speak up sooner.

    Not much longer after that, difficult child was attacked in hallway at school. Much larger "bully" took difficult child's head and slammed it in a locker. A male teacher came out and stopped it, but only after there was blood shed. difficult child did NOTHING to protect herself. Her reason? She feared what everyone else would do to her and she would be expelled.

    When I arrived at the school I had already called the Sheriff's Dept. and had 2 deputies there when husband, her bio-dad and step-mom and myself arrived. The girl who beat her up was expelled and removed from that school. She had a record of bullying and violence.

    It is the law that your child has to be protected. I made a mistake the first time and said nothing. The second time I said more than you can imagine. After a survey of the 100+ students who watched the locker incident, not one student stated that my difficult child had done anything. She was merely changing books for class.

    Please do not ignore this. They will also bully and threaten via internet, too. Take measures over that. I used and still use easy child Tattletale with both of the difficult children.

    I saw what it did to my daughter's self-esteem, I saw her withdraw more. There was over jealousy. Tell your difficult child it is NOT HER FAULT. Make sure she knows it. Don't run, stand up for her and make it known you will not tolerate it any further.

    Saying a prayer for you and her,

    Anna
     
  8. Liahona

    Liahona Active Member

    How is it going? Please update.
     
  9. tinamarie1

    tinamarie1 Member

    See original post for update! thanks for all of your great advice, even if i didn't exactly follow it, i still love you guys, you are so supportive and so willing to share!
     
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