and he shouldn't have been admitted?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by busybee, Sep 14, 2008.

  1. busybee

    busybee New Member

    Here we are 2 days after going to psychiatric assessment. They decided that difficult child didn't need to be admitted. Well, the same stuff is happening today that happened Friday night. He is fighting us, ignoring us, saying he's going to tell them we abuse him. He shoved me, so I restrained him and he says that means we're abusing him. He took his phone even though he knows he's grounded. I just don't know how much more I can take when no one will listen.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Oh, I'm sorry and I wish I knew what to tell you. When my son went thru the "you're abusing me" stage, I handed him the phone and asked him if he'd like to call 911 and have an officer come over to discuss it.
  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Find the phone number for either the non-emergency police (afterhours/weekends/holidays) or social services (during week day hours). Write it on an index card. When difficult child states you are abusing him, hand him the cards and phone number, "Abuse is illegal. Please do call!" and walk out of the room.

    On the off chance that he does call, maybe someeone will start listening?
    He may yell out "I am calling!" You ignore him. He may not call. Most likely he will pretend to call and then not go through with it.

    Did the assessment show a need for out-patient therapy? Psychologist or psychiatrist?

    When things get physical, you can call the police yourself. Keep taking difficult child to ER for evaluation. One of these times someone may actually pick up on the fact you need help.
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Another thought - he is 13 years old - what does he do when with his friends? Are they getting into trouble?

    I would keep him from his phone (have it turned off if need be) and a very strict curfew and activity schedule.

    Sometimes this behavior increases in new teens as they try to impress their pers. Don't let him have access to MySpace or FaceBook. Kids his age are misusing it and meeting up with bad people. Kids tend to paint a horrid picture of their parents to complete strangers who sympathize and encourage disrespect in return for disciplining. They don't react to venting the same as adults. We know venting is venting but these kids actually suggest disobeying parents, "Yeah, you don't need your parents treating you like that. Being grounded for one week for coming home late? That is lame - just sneak out of the house - your parents will never know." Prediators eat up these complaints, so much easier to get these kids in their web with poison honey.
  5. busybee

    busybee New Member

    I might attribute some of this behavior to being a teenager if we hadn't been having these issues for years. He is just a little more defiant about it now instead of throwing a kicking screaming fit. He is a big boy and he does try to use physical intimidation at times to get his way.
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Is he on medications?
  7. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    I am so sorry. I have been through that with difficult child II, which is why I know when the time comes to take difficult child I for an evaluation (which will be soon, the way he's acting) that I will have to go armed with recordings, I have been recording him on my lap top, when he comes in here and starts harrassing me. Other wise he will present to a psychiatrist like he's peachy keen. His regular psychiatrist was shocked when she heard him going full rage on one of the recordings.

    I am praying for you, you may have to keep showing up at the hospital and demanding they act!

    Last time difficult child II (11 y/o boy) was placed in hospital, it was after I had been for 3 emergency evaluations in 4 days!!! I basically refused to take no for an answer at the last one, which was after he jumped on my head from the top of the stairs, tried to go after me with a knife and it took 3 police officers to calm him down!

    Sending you some Mommy Power! You know the phrase try and try again? Do not be afraid to push his buttons while you are at an evaluation. And perhaps the recording would be an option for you.
  8. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    I asked this is a previous post to you, and now klmno is asking as well: What medications/doses is he taking, if any? Some medications -- especially stimulants and antidepressants -- can make kids worse.

    Do you have a crisis intervention team in your area? In our county, that is a team of a specially trained police officer and social worker who come to the house in a crisis situation to assess what needs to happen (for example, hospitalization). That might be a good bet. Or you could bring him right back to the ER.
  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    As an FYI, in addition to having to watch for reactions to certain medications, as SW points out, if he has a valid diagnosis and it was recommended by his psychiatrist to be on medications but you don't have him on there, you need to be prepared to defend that decision if you do get legal authorites involved. I'm not saying that I wouldn't understand it- it's a tough decision and there are risks either way, I'm just trying to prepare you in case it gets to that point.
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Is there are psychiatric problems in the family on either side? That is often the biggest clue as to what is wrong with the child. Any mood disorders? Substance abuse? To me this sounds like more than ADHD/ODD. What kind of medications do they want to put him on? I think it's smart to be cautious about medication. I am so against the authorities telling you that you HAVE to medicate kids--I hope they leave that to you. Often medications make things worse, rather than better. It all depends on what is wrong--and, even then, it can be a long trial and error period. I don't personally feel anyone should have the right to make you medicate a child when nobody can even be 100% sure of the diagnosis (no blood tests for stuff like ADHD and bipolar).
    I don't think this is a teen issue. I"ve raised three teens. It can be a difficult child teen issue (that's way different), but they are always extreme. This is a good time to maybe have him evaluated again. Sadly, teens and illegal drugs and difficult children tend to go together and he's getting to that a neuropsychologist ever assessed him? As for your younger child who is scaring you, maybe she should also be assessed. Sounds like they could be affected with the same problem. You could stave it off if you get her help earlier...good luck.
  11. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    definatley look into a local mobile response or crisis intervention unit, they will see and access him while he's acting out at your home, and they will advocate for you once you get to the hospital. This also is a way to get services set up quickly that your State may provide for children with behavior disorders.

    My kids have Crisis Management Organization Benefits, each of my difficult child's has an in home therapist here once a week for 1 & 1/2 hours (at no cost to me), each has a SW who over sees all outside specialists working with difficult child's. CMO paid for 1/2 of difficult child II's camp this summer and will be paying for art lessons for difficult child I (if i can get gim to go). We have a FSO worker who calls me, to see how I am doing. I go to Family Support Orginization meetings bi-weekly where there are other parents in the same boat. They have a special "youth club" for difficult child teens, they do community service projects and fun trips. difficult child I of course won't go, difficult child II is too young.

    I knew nothing of all these resources when I started out. Some States are better then others, I am still jealous of those who have respite! Of course we should "techinally" have a BA here 6 hours a week, but this is one area of the services that's been a bit weak, all the others are AWESOME!

    still praying ><>