another inconsequential argument with difficult child...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ksm, May 10, 2012.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Trying to get the truth out of a difficult child is impossible! Over the dumbest things. She wanted to be woken up at 6:30 to shower. She is sharing a room with little easy child, so instead of an alarm, I quietly wake her up so easy child can sleep 30 more minutes. I notice a towel stuffed under the door when I get ready to open it. After her shower, I ask, why the towel? I get some bull about the light coming thru bothers her and keeps her awake. Remind her that she was the last one up and all the lights were off when she went to bed. Then she back pedals and says, well, when you get up the hallway light shines under the door and bothers her. I remind her we don't turn on the hallway light, as we can get from our door to the bathroom just fine with out turning on a light. She argues next that the light from the bathroom is what she is blocking out. I ask her what was she doing that she didn't want us to know last night? NOTHING! Fast forward 10 mionutes... I go to wake up little sis... and there, above her bunkbed, on the ceiling is a piece of paper, taped there by difficult child, telling her to please keep her side of the bedroom cleaner!!!

    Aarrgghhh! I knew she had been up to something but just wouldn't say it! To be perfectly honest, difficult child's side is cleaner than easy child's which is not the norm. BUT... difficult child lost $20 last week for some stupid discount cards the school has them sell for a fund raiser. She walked two houses down, sold our neighbor two cards, put the $20 in her back pocket and walked home. In 5 minutes she lad lost the $20! We walked the neighborhood, we scoured the house. To difficult child's benefit, she said she would pay the $20 out of her own funds she is saving for an iPod. Great! No meltdown!! So I made a deal with her... clean her part of the room and keep it clean for a week and I'd pay the missing $20. Usually you can't walk thru her side of the room. It is a large room, and to give the girls some separateness.... we put the loft bunkbed on easy child's side - about 3 feet from the wall. the bottom bunk in on the opposite wall. So difficult child has about 12 more feet than easy child. We hang a quilt off the side of the loft bunk to make a "privacy screen". I told difficult child it wasn't fair that she is trying to tell easy child to keep her little sliver of space clean, when the only reason difficult child is keeping hers clean is the $20. And that if it was that important to her to stay up and night, making a poster to tape abover her sleeping sisters head, then maybe she should share the $20, as easy child isn't getting paid extra!!

    Oh, on missing money... difficult child got a $50 Target giftcard from other grandparents for Christmas. I had her put it up... but she kept taking it out and carrying it around. Now that is missing too! So frustrating!

    I guess what is so frustrating is that last night... we had major attitude regarding homework. When she came home, I asked if she had homework. She said "a little". Three hours later, after supper, we ask her to work on it. Meltdown, because she always likes to take a walk or do physical activity after a meal...(that is what she said...) Pushed for her to do it. Meltdown... she can't do it because she says she forgot to find out what the homework was in English. Pushed for her to at least to sit down and write on a piece of paper a plan for tomorrow... to think about her day, her classes... and write stuff down and start the next school day more organized... and tomorrow to add to it if necessary. Well, before starting that... meltdown. Then she got her binder and got a piece of paper and found a piece of homework for literature class! Imagine that. So she did that. Or at least she said she did it. Could have been doodling for all I know.

    She always forgets!! and has some excuse why she forgot! Oh well... a new day. I wonder what lies ahead today? KSM
     
  2. greenrene

    greenrene Member

    Boy do I ever understand! I'm about at my wit's end with my difficult child, and I'm SO SICK OF HER LIES that I could just scream! Just this morning she lied about having taken a shower last night (she spent the night at mother in law's, who lives next door). Her hair was in the exact same style I'd done for her before gymnastics class last night (hence the need for a shower) and looked slept on, and she tried to tell me she took a shower and her grandma had re-done her hair in the same style... She doesn't know I found out it was a lie, but she'll know this afternoon... I also caught her trying to sneak shoes to school that she isn't allowed to, and then she LIED about that too, saying that she was just going to put the shoes in the van, not take them to school! (Oh yeah, then why were you being so sneaky and trying to protect your totebag so much from me seeing what was in there, huh?).

    I'm so, so tired of all the BS. I even cooked one of her all-time favorite foods last night, and she had the nerve to be rude and disrespectful to me after I let her have the leftovers for breakfast this morning... She says she hates our family, when she has NO IDEA how good she has it... UGH!

    Our difficult child's sound a lot alike!
     
  3. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

     
  4. greenrene

    greenrene Member

    Yep! My difficult child wonders why we don't believe anything she says and gets mad when we don't, but HELLO?
     
  5. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    At least we know we aren't alone!! I can't wait to see what she does over the big stuff (NOT!). She really is a pretty good kid - she just doesn't think things thru and won't admit defeat. KSM
     
  6. Ditto ditto ditto on the lying - and then they wonder why we don't trust them. My difficult child and his girlfriend are having sex and I know that to be true. He wants to know why I don't trust him when girlfriend's parents trust her? Duh! Because they don't know you're having sex with their daughter under their roof!!!

    Soo frustrating!!
     
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    This might be a "stupid" question (I'm good at those, they tell me), but...
    Has her working memory ever been tested?
    And while we're at it... is it mostly "verbal stuff" that she forgets? Because if it is, you might also want to investigate APDs - especially ones like auditory figure ground, but there's several more. People with APDs tend to cover for themselves... they "sort of hear" but it doesn't register...

    Just sayin'... maybe there are real reasons for "forgetting"?
     
  8. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    We did have the school do some testing. Her IQ rated her at the 87 percentile for her age, 55 percentile for working memory and 13 percent for processing speed. The school didn't think that indicated that she needed an IEP or a 504 plan. I am still fighting for the insurance to approve appts and testing by a neuropsychologist that my husband and I have seen once to discuss her problems. Still no luck. KSM
     
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Boy, do I know what that feels like...
    {{hugs}}

    At home, though... what happens if you research what some of the standard accommodations and interventions are for working memory and processing speed, and start implementing at home?
     
  10. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I am glad you suggested that. Now I need to find my copy of her IQ test. I put it up so she wouldn't read it... and I can't find it. Like I said, I remember the percentiles for most of the stuff... And I did look up quite a few things this afternoon. I just wish the school psychiatric in our school district was more helpful. I found stuff on line that said 15 pts difference between IQ, and working memory and or processing speed could make school difficult. And 30 pts would be really hard. I don't know the pts... just her percents. and there is 74% difference in percentage of IQ and processing speed. One website talked about by age 16, those with low processing speed are so frustrated with school, they just want to give up on school altogether.

    I didn't find any good info on ways to improve. Will keep looking. I still need to find a good pysch or neuropsychologist... and I know that where we live and with our insurance it will be very very hard. KSM
     
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ah yes, total disorganization and ADD. Poor executive functioning skills. Sigh.
    I know from your point of view it is totally frustrating. But reading it from my end, it kind of brought a smile to my face. She reminds me of that cartoon character from Family Circus ...where the mom tells him to do an errand, and then it shows a dotted line weaving in and out of all the places he's been. Sometimes he actually makes it to the place he's supposed to be!
     
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