Are some teachers seriously still this clueless???

[JJJ]

Eeyore tells me today that he has a health project that he needs me to help with and it is due Tuesday. Ok, we have a couple of days. He gives me the assignment sheet -- no wonder the poor boy has no idea where to start....

Interview your parents for the details about "how did I get here?" including:
*telling family and friends we're pregnent
*prenatal care/tests
*mother's diet
*health risks during pregnancy
*when/where labor began
*birth results
*baby shower
*complications during birth

Eeyore was FOUR when he came to us. I can think of a dozen other kids off the top of my head that are adopted in his school.

I'm tempted to do the assignment with the real information:

My birthmom found out she was pregnant with me just two months after giving birth to her first child. I was probably conceived on one of the nights that my birthfather beat the snot out of her and raped her, but he claims that she got pregnant by one of the other guys she was doing. Nobody bothered with a DNA test so I'm not really sure if the man I call birthfather really is.

My birthmom didn't realize that she was pregnant for a while. She wasn't very bright and had a hard time remembering things like when her last period was. Once she knew she was pregnant she has to tell her CPS caseworker cause she was on a supervision plan for not taking good care of the baby she already had.

She probably didn't have many prenatal care visits. Her diet consisted mostly of junk food and whatever they were serving at the church mission that week. She denied it but the caseworker said it was likely that she did some drugs and drank alcohol while she was pregnant.

She had me at Big City Charity Hospital and I was 6 pounds. It says 'father unknown' on my original birth certificate since she wasn't married and no guy came to the hospital to claim me. She didn't have a baby shower but the hospital gave her a carseat and some baby clothes. I'm glad it was a good car seat cause she used to strap me in it and hide me in the closet. Before my first birthday, the caseworker decided that she was tired of my birthmom leaving me alone, locking me in closets and forgetting to feed me all day, so I went into foster care and got bounced around until the 3rd home in 3 years adopted me.

And for the required visual aides, I'm thinking a collage with a bunch of brochures (rape crisis, domestic violence, anti-drugs, child abuse, etc) and a banner across the middle reading "How I got here."

Think they'd get the point...

 

[AnnieO]

I think a quick email to the teacher might be in order... then do the project from and adoptive family point of view. Wow. Swear I'd be upset, too!

 

[Andy]

Yep, they should get the point!

I gave birth to both my kids and am sure I don't remember - "Telling family and friends", "prenatal care/tests" (yes, I had it all from day 1, just don't remember what they were), and "Mother's diet" (can't remember what I ate yesterday, let alone 15 years ago).

I would be tempted to ask the school that if they insist on teaching the birthing process, that they actually teach the safe procedures such as teaching the importance of a good diet, listing the tests commonly done and why, explaining health risks and possible complications. As you have already shown, having the student gather the information is not the best way. Why is it the school's business to be asking for this info? A bit too personal to be asking kids to give this info to the teacher - better to teach what is the safe methods and encourage them to talk to their parents about it - especially girls to talk to mom's since they may face the same health experiences when they are pregnant.

 

[KTMom91]

The real info might wake the teacher up and embarrass the heck out of her for even asking such specific info. How long has she been teaching?

 

[ksm]

If your child only had to hand it in to the teacher, I would turn in what you have written. To the point and covers most of the topics the teacher wanted answered. But, if it goes on display for other students, I wouldn't want to embarrass your child. Since it is due on Tuesday, can you call on Monday morning with a heads up as to how difficult this is for an adopted child? I have problems even remembering height/weight etc on our granddaughters that we adopted. Glad we didn't have to do that assignment. I am sure that for difficult child it would have read the same way. KSM

 

[Wiped Out]

How infuriating! Wish the teacher could see that (or a similar one so you wouldn't have to share his story if you didn't want); I know I probably wouldn't but I would be tempted to send it in an email along with a note explaining why Eeyore wouldn't be doing the assignment.

 

[klmno]

Oh- this must be that subject where kids are supposed to be learning about everything that's involved with having a baby. Some schools have the kids carry around a doll that cries, needs fed, and has to get a diaper changed for this lesson. I think I'd email, ask the point of the lesson, and explain that his method of accomplishing it needs to be something different. Maybe a generic "what's involved in having a baby" project or paper.

But yes, teachers, GALs POs, etc, can all be very clueless and thoughtless. They can't seem to remember that everyone doesn't come from and are raised by two middle-class people who have 2.5 kids and a white picket fence. It used to humiliate me when 1st and 2nd grade teachers would have each student stand up in front of the class, one by one, and tell their names, their parents' names, where they lived, and what their parents did for a living. My father had just died when I started 1st grade and the last thing I wanted to do was explain that and feel that pain again in front of my peers then have them pity me- that was their first impression of me. Then in 2nd grade, I had a horrible step-father, although he was a dr, and I didn't care to explain that either. I used to think it must have just been the era but, lo and behold, difficult child had to go thru it to. And they wonder why the kid gets a complex in 1st grade and turns into a difficult child later on?

 

[susiestar]

This level of insensitivity goes beyond what is even mildly acceptable and it is time to take what you have written, go and see the principal, and ask to have the teacher come discuss this with the both of you.

I know this is the era where it isn't such a big deal to have a kid while you are a teen, etc... but even that is not accepted in every group. The information that this jerk wants Eeyore to write about and share with the class is NOT something that every family is comfortable discussing with their children, much less having their children discuss with the community. Heck, even my own parents, who were open wiht me about almost anything I thought to ask, would NOT want me to broadcast this info to the world n general (yes, telling a group of kids is broadcasting this to the world in general, in my opinion)

This s a highly inappropriate assignment. A LOT of kids are going to get teased because their family has a different way of doing things than someone else thinks is normal. A LOT of that infomration is HIGHLY sensitive. It is also protected by YOUR privacy rights and your child's privacy rights. In order to complete the assignment, your child must either violate your HIPAA and other privacy rights as well as his own, OR he has to lie.

NO child in that class should complete the assignment. There are just way too many things that are too sensitive for sharing with the world. Heck, even sharing that he was adopted and didn't know that stuff (if he didn't) would make him feel like a freak or outsider - and you can be dang sure that kids WILL use those names if Eeyore or any other child is a target for any type of bullying.

I am pretty open with a lot of things, but there is a LOT of info asked for in that report that I would not talk about with anyone but immediate family.

Who does this person is to think he has the right to even ASK for a written report on YOUR private medical and personal information, much less your child's?? The entire class should get a 100 on this and not hand it in or give the report. How is it going to make the kids who are adopted, or dumped on a relative, feel when they learn the lovey dovey stories from other kids and hear the horrors that they went through while in utero? What gives this man the right to scar children this way, or force those who love them to lie about it to the children? Yes, 16 is old enough for SOME to know about their birth, etc... but it is NOT something that you spread all over the world.

 

[klmno]

On second thought and after reading Susie's response: Eeyore should turn in a paper that says this: My parents discussed the subject with me and what I learned is that it isn't appropriate to discuss personal, family issues in public or to relay the personal details of my family to others at work or school. The end. Maybe he can teach the teacher something with this assignment.

 

[mstang67chic]

On second thought and after reading Susie's response: Eeyore should turn in a paper that says this: My parents discussed the subject with me and what I learned is that it isn't appropriate to discuss personal, family issues in public or to relay the personal details of my family to others at work or school. The end. Maybe he can teach the teacher something with this assignment.

Ohhhhhh good one! (Although I like yours too JJJ!)

 

[donna723]

OMG!! Someone should clue this thoughtless woman in that not every kid has Ozzie and Harriet or Ward and June at home! Some of these things would probably have been OK a few decades ago but certainly not now. There are so many kids whose circumstances are "complicated". Some of these things are done with the best of intentions but can be very hurtful to some of the kids.

This is exactly how my son became the stand-in "father" of his (female) former roommates' eight year old son! The roommate has been divorced from the boys' father since he was a baby. He's a drug dealer who spends as much time in jail as he does out of it. He never pays child support, has only supervised visitation with the little boy, and very rarely sees him. So his school came up with this thing they called "Daddies and Donuts" where all the fathers are supposed to take off work (yeah, right!) to go to the school and have this gathering with the kids. And this is in a school where a third to half of the kids come from single parent families! And when the other kids are standing up and introducing their daddies who are policemen or salesmen, is this kid supposed to say, "This is my daddy, the drug dealer"? So he asked my son to go with him, and he did, and they had a great time! But he was probably not the only child who was put in a very difficult position. They just need to think a little bit before they come up with this stuff!

 

[InsaneCdn]

I'm going to back Susiestar on this one...

Totally inappropriate and absolutely uncalled for.
Just as inappropriate as if the teacher was asking the class to discuss gender identity (but yes, I've seen that too).

In today's world - the teacher must assume that a significant proportion of the class does not come from a "traditional 2-parent nuclear family". E's case is just one - there will be all sorts of other difficult situations, like... kids adopted by grandparents, for example.

There are far better ways of learning the curriculum on this one.

Raise this with the principal.

 

[klmno]

And what does the kid who's been bounced from foster home to foster home say on an assignment like this? And does that "support" the efforts they always say others aren't supporting?

 

[donna723]

Of course, even in an ideal situation, the whole assignment is totally inappropriate! I would refuse, and then tell the principal exactly why my child would NOT be doing this assignment! This is asking for all kinds of personal, private information that most people might not have even discussed with close friends or family! I consider the intimate details of my childrens births to be private, certainly not something to be discussed with their whole class!

 

[Nancy]

Such good responses. There are so many good responses to this assignment. I like the one that this is personal inofrmation that we don't discuss outside of the family.

My difficult child would probably say "I am adopted and have none of this information and it has scarred me for life, so thank you for making me feel worse than I do."

Nancy

 

[JJJ]

Thanks all! I knew my outrage was justified but it helped to hear you confirm that I was right.

Eeyore would be devestated if I made a big deal out of this at school. This is going to be one of those situations where I take advantage of his Learning Disability (LD) and when I explain the project to him, I am going to have him describe an imaginary baby whose mother does all the right things. Since the project has to be presented in either a "picture collage" or similiar, I am sure that they are going up on the wall.

Of course, I will make a big deal behind the scenes so that this assignment is never assigned again.

 

[keista]

JJJ your current plan sounds good, but If Eeyore doesn't object, he can tell the TRUE story of "how did I get here"

Interview your parents for the details about "how did I get here?" including:
*telling family and friends we're pregnent you weren't so you didn't, but you were hoping to adopt
*prenatal care/tests none for his you, but you did have to go through all sorts of screenings and evaluation to qualify to become adoptive parents.
*mother's diet you kept your normal diet and could even indulge in social alcohol since you were adopting
*health risks during pregnancy Don't know (not everyone gets details of the the birthmother)
*when/where labor began Don't know (not everyone gets details of the the birthmother)
*birth results Don't know (not everyone gets details of the the birthmother)
*baby shower Don't know (not everyone gets details of the the birthmother)
*complications during birth Don't know (not everyone gets details of the the birthmother)

"How did I get here" seems to be the project. The "include these details" seems to be a guideline to help students through the project.

However, I feel that Eeyore should get a 100% on this assignment regardless of what he does, as should every other kid in the class. OMW I would be beside myself if one of the kids came home with this assignment! I'm biomom and everything ended up going smoothly, but that does NOT mean I did things the right way, and certainly wouldn't want that being pointed out to my child in front of the whole class. This assignment should NOT exist.

 

[ThreeShadows]

Yes, they are that bleeding clueless!!! When the boys were attending a private elementary shool, I had a long conversation with their teacher, asking her to be aware of anything that might make them feel different should the subject of adoption come up. Next thing I found out, the class had to read a book in which a bird is hatched in someone else's nest and has to figure out where it belonged. When I called a meeting with her she just said "oh! I hadn't thought of that!"

 

[pepperidge]

Definitely raise it with the principal. Incredible. I like the answer of Susiestar, saying I prefer not to discuss personal issues in public and then ask for an alternative assignment. I think I would walk in with what you have written (don't send it by email) and ask the principal to read it and ask if this is what the teacher had in mind.

 

[DammitJanet]

how did he get here? Why he was born at the hospital and then his wonderful forever parents came and got him in a car!
we told friends and family just as soon as we knew you were coming.
Prenatal care...Eeyore, I have been dong prenatal care in this house since I got married. I always wanted children.
mothers diet....we always eat a healthy diet but a few treats sneak in from time to time.
Health risks...well I sure was stressed out worrying about you! Didnt help that Kanga was already here either...lol.
Baby shower...answer this as you may...got no clue on this one.
Complications during birth...the only thing that got in the way was the doctor said you were rather well endowed and he was jealous! (Only use that if he has a great sense of humor and it would make him laugh like hell. It would in my family)
I cant really remember when we were notified about the labor or delivery.
Birth results? surely you jest? Obviously we have a fine upstanding beautiful young man name Eeyore that we love with all our hearts!