Article on narcissism

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by recoveringenabler, Jan 7, 2015.

  1. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

  2. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    Thanks, RE. Interesting about the rise in narcissism among 20-somethings with FB, etc. It makes me wonder, how much of that self-centered behavior is part of a narcissist's personality and how much is just part of our culture now, that social media has created a new baseline of how important we see ourselves in relationship to others.
     
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  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Narcissism is way beyond self-centerness and usually means scamming people, getting into legal trouble and disregarding social norms. It is not cultural and always existed. Many, many people, in fact most, do not display narcissistic features.

    My father is 90 and a classic narcissistic. There were many others in my family too.

    Your 26 year old is not acting that way. Remember, our difficult child's are not the norm. They are the extremes of horrible behavior, entitlement, and self-centeredness. Only 37 has ever displayed any narcissistic traits in my family. It seems to be smoothing out as he gets older.

    My other kids are kind, generous and gracious.

    Remember that every single generation, down to Socrates always felt the next generation was selfish and inferior compared to theirs. I try not to fall into that trap. I don't believe it's true.
     
  4. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    No, my son is not what I would call a narcissist. Selfish, self-destructive and skirting some real antisocial behavior when his substance use is in full swing...but not a narcissist. I was just commenting that what we would call narcissistic behavior even just a decade ago now seems to be pretty much the norm, at least as far as communicating thru FB, etc. Or maybe it is just framed a little differently -- like an organized way to take turns briefly being the center of attention or something.
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Albatross, some young people. Hardly all. None of my kids like being the center of attention. Jumper has to do it when she plays sports, but she doesn't even like to take pictures of herself.

    That isn't narcissism anyway. Narcissism is destructive to others.

    Some kids DO like attention, but also care a great deal about others.

    My dad is a narcissist and they lack empathy. That's a huge symptom. The lacking empathy or caring toward others is what divides them from the normal. Narcissists can charm you at first, but end up downright MEAN. So my opinion is no. It is not a sign of the time. It is a real disorder that is hard both to handle and to treat, since they never think there is anything wrong with them. It's everyone else!!!
     
  6. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    Personality disorders are mental disorders on steroids. In fact I just learned today that if you only diagnosis is a personality disorder i.e Narcissist, Borderline, Sociopath, Health Insurance won't even cover mental health treatment for it. Why? Because there is no approved treatment for a personality - it is unchangeable. Funny thing I once heard - if you ever hear of a cured person with a personalty disorder, the diagnosis was wrong.
     
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This is actually wrong, at least regarding borderline. Dialectal Behavioral Therapy is approved for it and they are working on trying to find treatment for narcicism and antisocial that will at least make them less dangerous...it is therapy geared toward counseling them how more socially acceptable behavior will benefit THEM. THAT I think may work...hehe.

    There are many books now about borderlines who got better. But they are and never were as horrible as antisocials and narcissists, although, if untreated, borderlines can be just as difficult to live with.

    The real problem is getting somebody with a personality disorder to want to change and to think something is wrong with him/her and not the rest of the world.
     
  8. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Thanks RE. been there done that and over it. For many years, I suffered being with a true blue narcissist. If you looked up narcissism, there would be a picture of his face right next to it. The most important part that is missing in this article, in my opinion, and it's the number one thing we all need to be aware of, is that narcissist need a power supply for the ego to survive. Without this supply, they get very , very desperate. When their ego's are starving, that is when they are their most charming, romantic, lovely or cunning, cruel and dangerous. They need to be the reason you feel whether or good or bad. They need to be in control of your feelings and self worth. It really has nothing to do with criminals or bad behaviors, selfies or social media. My ex husband was a stellar citizen, no criminal history, responsible, no drug abuse. There needs are not for material things. Their soul reason for surviving is to feed off of your feelings like a vampire....because they have no feelings.... and they are envious and jealous of everyone else who can feel. They can only feel things through you and when they have sucked everything out of you, every last drop, the move on to their next fresh target. They can't feel. They need and want to feel but know they will never get it.
     
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  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    This is not correct.
    There is no cure. But there's all sorts of other issues out there for which there is no cure - take CF, for example.

    There IS approved treatment. Personality is NOT "unchangeable". But it does require a 100% commitment on the part of the person being treated. And while the general personality will not be changed, some of the worst elements of a personality disorder can be modified, sometimes to a non-toxic level.

    The reason why most people with personality disorders do not get help is because they do not consider themselves to have a disorder.
     
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  10. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    By my understanding , criminal behavior is what separates a narcissist from a sociopath. Basically, a sociopath will stop at nothing to get what they want and feel they that rightfully deserve , by any means necessary. That is when one graduates from narcissist to sociopath. A psychopath is someone who is completely deranged and is unaware of right or wrong and have depraved wants and needs which are the Ted Bundy's, Charles Mansons's and Jeffery Dalmer types.
     
  11. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Ugh, had to edit my last comment. Grammar catastrophe.
     
  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Antisocials (psychopaths/sociopaths AND narcissists) know right from wrong. They just don't care. Narcissists most certainly can break the law. Heck, I read a good true story about a woman married to one and found out he was married to somebody else and her at the same time and taking money from them both. There is a lot of overlap between antisocial and narcissism. Neither are fun to live with.
     
  13. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    There is a slight difference between narcissists and others on this spectrum: Narcissists are doing whatever it takes to "protect" themselves; sociopaths and psychopaths do whatever it takes to hurt others (without getting caught, of course)
     
  14. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    No, you're right MWM, narcissist can break the law for sure. No doubt, but that's not their bread and butter. Like I said, the power supply , which are other peoples inner most core, their feelings, their very souls, are the narcissist bread and butter. Their grand prize. Their ultimate goal. It was always my understanding that socipoath's are the ones who are more likely to be criminals, like 2m2r daughter is a perfect example of one, white collar crime for example. Psychopaths really aren't aware of right and wrong. They aren't really out for money or drugs. They are very sick, sick, sick and dangerous individuals with disgusting minds. You know the saying that people who don't know that they are crazy are the most dangerous ones, well yeah, that's a psychopath.

    P.S. I hope I don't come off the wrong way to anyone. It seems we are all having a civil debate/discussion, in my case to pass the time away. I am interested in these types of subjects and enjoy the conversation.
     
  15. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Both can be criminals, as can borderlines. I'm going to post links to both disorders. They get me confused as neither are nice people or easy to live with and both like to use other people for what they can get from them and have no empathy. By the way, Out of the Fog, where these definitions come from, is a great site for those dealing with personality disordered loved ones or hated ones (take your pick). I recommend reading it and maybe posting on it if you feel you are involved with somebody/anybody who has a personality disorder. There is a book too.

    http://outofthefog.net/Disorders/NPD.html

    http://outofthefog.net/Disorders/ASPD.html
     
  16. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Yes, definitely not fun to live was an understatement. When I got involved with my ex husband. I had no idea what I was in for. I was truly uneducated about narcissism. It was also my fault for going back to him after we separated which ended in the worse catastrophic experience of my life. A lot of the reason why my daughter and I are where we are today. I don't blame anyone but myself for that. Like the article said, I allowed that energy to come back into my space and boy, was that the most grave mistake I ever made. I am paying for it six years later. I feel like I will never recover. However, it was my own fault and I totally blame myself. I knew what he was and I didn't take responsibility for my own emotional health or well being by getting back with him. Everyone said I was utter fool to get back with him and they were so, so, so right. I'll never stop beating myself up for that. I was a real idiot. Moral of the story is, stay far, far, far away from narcissist. My God, stay far away.
     
  17. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    GM, it wasn't your fault. You didn't know. I didn't know my father was a narcissistic either! And although we can't go back and change the past, we can learn how to make peace with it and live a good rest of our lives. You are still young and I hope you get there.
    My ex wasn't a narcissistic, but something was not right with him. I went back to him too. We live and learn. All of us. And I have hope that you will learn to love yourself for the good person that you are.
     
  18. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Thanks MWM, but I did know. I wish I can say I didn't but I did know. I didn't know when we first met, but five years later, I knew what he was. We separated around the five year mark and six months later, I got back with him knowing full well what he was. I disappointed my daughter, my family and friends, and myself. They worked so hard to get me through the devastation the first time, that they were beside themselves when I chose to go back to him. She was so disgusted with me that I could be so stupid to go back with him. I was a flaming idiot moron. I had to learn the hard way. But thanks anyway MWM for the sentiments. I truly appreciate them, but don't rightfully deserve them, at least for the time that I chose to get back with him.
     
  19. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    No you weren't.

    HE was just really, really good at playing his game.
     
  20. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Yes, this is very true. However, I was easy for his games. When we met, I had zero self esteem or self worth. I was dumb in a lot of ways. I was a difficult child to my caregivers because of the choice of men I chose. I think they would have rather me be a drug addict or criminal (never was either. Never did any of that) rather to witness my terrible and chaotic relationships. I was a God's honest mess. Relationships ruined my life more than drugs or alcohol ever could have. Again, I was never a drug addict or criminal, just saying that it probably would have been better than the relationship disaster that I was.
     
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