I feel like I'm in mourning...I'm missing the little girl that used to crawl into my lap for a hug, the one that I used to tickle just because her laugh would fill my heart, the one that I was so proud to call my daughter. Instead she's replaced by a stranger; one who gets drunk and passes out on someone's lawn, one who tells lies, who uses people, who gets high and doesn't care about anyone but herself.
I get angry at this stranger, hating the behaviour and the hurt she causes; hating the way she makes me worry when I don't hear from her, only to find out she's been partying and is fine; most of all angry that she is hurting herself the most.
I spend my days alternating between being angry, and being sad. I think of things we used to do together as a family and I cry.
Then it strikes me that these 2 are the same person; that the little girl is buried deep inside, but not gone forever, and this stranger is hopefully someone that is still evolving. And I hope that one day, we can get past this and I can build a new relationship with this stranger that reminds me of someone I used to love; and maybe can love again one day...
I get angry at this stranger, hating the behaviour and the hurt she causes; hating the way she makes me worry when I don't hear from her, only to find out she's been partying and is fine; most of all angry that she is hurting herself the most.
I spend my days alternating between being angry, and being sad. I think of things we used to do together as a family and I cry.
Then it strikes me that these 2 are the same person; that the little girl is buried deep inside, but not gone forever, and this stranger is hopefully someone that is still evolving. And I hope that one day, we can get past this and I can build a new relationship with this stranger that reminds me of someone I used to love; and maybe can love again one day...