At the end of my rope! Help

[ana97abby03]

If you read all this thank you. I have three daughters aged 13, 7, and 5. My 13yr old was diagnosed with ADHD at age 3 1/2. I had some very dark days with her up until about first grade. Since then, other than a few bumps when she needed medication dose adjustments, she has done very well taking Adder XR 40mg now. She has friends and makes good grades. I worry about the future and what will happen into adulthood. When she misses a dose, she is almost manic to watch. Yells and screams, and is unable to complete any task. WHen she was little the pediatrician would not help me. I finally paid out of pocket to take her to a psychiatrist and thankfully that doctor started her on half a ritalin.

My 7 old is in 2nd grade. She has a wonderful disposition and doesn't have behavior issues, but she can barely read. They are giving her "extra help" and she is making some progress. I have been in a battle with the school since k-5 to try and get her an IEP. I have a meeting with the school on Tuesday. I am going to be so upset if they don't do something. I know they will have to test her again if I ask, but they are literally hateful to me and imply that I shouldn't want to label my child Special Education. I just want her to be able to read. I don't know if this is dyslexia or what.

Now for my most acute problem. My 5yr old is totally out of control. I think I attributed her actions to that of a normal active 3yr old because I wanted so badly to have a "normal child." Now at 5 and with things getting worse everyday, I can't ignore it any more. Even as a 2yr old she would bite and scratch herself when very upset. That is less now. She yells, hits her sister, doesn't listen to me at all, and honestly does the exact opposite of what I tell her. I can't take her places often times. She is getting in trouble some at school for talking out, putting her hands on people, and being mean, but its not all the time. SHe has a male teacher and responds better to men, so maybe that it is better at school. I am starting to feel the way I felt when my oldest was like this. I want to die or for her to just leave our home. My mother kept her for a month in the summer, and it was the first time I was happy in a long time. I HATE these feelings. The thing that is confusing me is that when she is alone with me or when she is with her Father, she doesn't act out nearly as much. Thats why I wondered if it is really ADHD or ODD. Are some kids better like this in certain situations? All I know is that today she has screamed and fought all day. I can't take it anymore. I don't think her doctor is going to help me unless the school backs me up that she has issues there too. She also traps our dog and makes him yelp.

Thanks for any help

 

[HaoZi]

You'll want to edit to remove their names. Give them nicknames or initials or something.
Every kid is different in how they handle things, but she does need help. Push for it before she really hurts someone else, herself, the dog, etc. Others will be along that can remember the important questions. It helps if you can create a signature like most of us have.
Hang in there!

 

[TeDo]

You definitely need to have them evaluate her for an IEP. It is YOUR choice to have her "labelled" if that is what is needed for her to receive the help she needs. When you say your doctor won't help, are you referring to the pediatrician or the psychiatrist you talk about the 13 yr old seeing? It sounds like there may be more going on than simple ADHD or ODD (which for me usually means "I don't know what else to call it"). If she hasn't seen a psychiatrist or psychologist for assessment and diagnosis, I would start there. Another option for your 2 youngest is to have them evaluated by a neuropsychologist. The behavior sounds like it could be a lot of different things. My son did similar things out of frustration and anxiety because he didn't know how to deal with these feelings. We have just found out he has Asperger's (he's 12 now but was a lot like your 5 yr old at about that same age).

Push for an IEP assessment for both girls. The trick is to make sure you put the request in writing and since you have a meeting on Tuesday, I would hand deliver it and make them SIGN and date their copy as well as one you keep for yourself. That starts the legal timeline they have to follow. Request that they do a thorough assessment in all areas for both of them to determine eligibility for Special Education Services.

Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[BusynMember]

I would take her to a neuropsychologist. In fact, I'd take all three to see if they have a common disorder that was missed. NeuroPsychs often find things psychiatrists miss because they test intensively and know both psychology AND neurology. I would do this test on all of them:

http://www.childbrain.com/pddassess.html

How was your children's early development in the areas of speech, ability to get along with same age peers, ability to transition from one activity to another, and do any of them have any annoying "habits" or quirks? Any psychiatric problems on either side of the biological family tree?

Kids with certain disorders tend to do worse when they are in stimulating places, such as a shopping mall and even school. Also, many diagnosticians diagnose ADHD when it is something more...and that doesn't help our kids. On the IEP, I just went through this with my school district. Make sure you call your state's Dept. of Public Education and ask for the name of the free Parent Advocate in your area. I feel these are necessary for parents to bring with to meetings or else the school districts WILL throw you around and try to deny your child her rights. Advocates scare the school districts into compliance because they know the laws and what to do if the laws are not followed. Plus the administrators will be quite respectful to you in front of them. I never go to any school meeting without my advocate anymore. It's simply too risky.

 

[Marguerite]

We took all our kids to the same doctor. Initially difficult child 1 was diagnosed, then we noticed problems with difficult child 3. About that time we realised that easy child 2/difficult child 2 had a few issues, so we figured, what the hey, it may be connected, get them all seen at the same time just in case. It was worthwhile for us, even though every kid is different.

An evaluation is needed, but if the school is sticky (even if they are not) you might find you get a more accurate and helpful report if you go private. Find a neurospych who can do a more thorough evaluation and diagnosis.

Welcome. Sorry you need us but glad we can be here for you.

Marg