I talked with Mom today. I intended to talk with her yesterday, that giving her time to catch up on stuff after her trip to Europe, but it was an eventful day. They had a friend come up and stay way longer than expected so calling last night would have been a problem. Mom will be happy to keep her relationship with gfgbro separate from us. Esp once I mentioned that Jess's therapist is behind this. She does wish that she could do what she did when we were kids. If there were problems she had us all sit around the sandbox and take turns talking and listening. She wishes we could do that, but is fine with this arrangement. She does NOT cry all the time about us. She does NOT spend hours cleaning up after us. Sometimes the kids leave messes but she prefers that to having us go through and hide all of her stuff. She is rather frustrated because things seem to be missing and she has no idea where to look since he did so much cleaning. As it stands, we are welcome anytime. We have always called before we come over unless it has been prearranged. The first year we were married we slid out of that, but gfgbro pointed out it was rude. He was right. So we always call first. We also call if we are going to run errands to see if we can help in any way. Usually they are fine. Right before I intended to call my mother my gfgbro called again. I told him he is not allowed to abuse us any more. That I have made many efforts to address things he said were problems, but I am never able to be enough. Most of the things he brought up, even today, are things that happened six or more years ago. Even things my kids did 6 years ago were brought up. Did you know that it is IMPOSSIBLE to abuse someone who is your size? I didn't. I was also unaware that he had to "spank" his daughter to keep her alive when he took her to work with him. He HAD to take her to work ALL THE TIME because our parents are sick and her mother was in the hospital. Um, her mom hasn't been in the hospital for 4 years, our parents almost NEVER tell him no to babysitting because he threatens that they won't see her again, and he only has custody of her half the time. If he hadn't spent LOTS of time teaching her it was "cute" to do what other adults, including my parents, say, then maybe spanking would be unneeded? If you tell his daughter to pick up, she dumps stuff, to use an inside voice, she shrieks. He laughs and jokes if even her TEACHER complains about it!!!!!! I only know because the teacher asked me about it because she has had thank you's old teachers. I let him have his last say. I am done. I have told him we will not answer further calls from him. There is no point. I am glad to have drawn the line. It is what it is. My father will still mention him and roll his eyes as he says what bro has said. Cause he does it after EACH thing my bro says. They don't really talk. husband and my dad discuss ideas, plans, ideas for novels, etc.... My dad and bro will start to discuss something, bro will raise his voice and start repeating himself after 4-6 sentences and my dad will leave the room. My dad took nine bathroom breaks the last time we spent 3 hours with my parents and gfgbro. It is his ONLY way to get away from bro when he wants to fight. I feel like a giant weight has been taken off my last nerve. It was really nice to have my mom not take sides. Mom's therapist has finally told her that she needs to stop listening to my brother when he rants, regardless of what he wants to rant about. That it just encourages awful behavior. Part of me really wanted to ask if lack of water for days could have cause their cat to die. i did not. I do know that for a week the cat was out all night and most of the day. husband was taking food over because it was NOT out when he went the one day that S was out. We also got reamed for leaving water on all night when the cat was out. It is something they will say they were not there for, and it is past. So I will not ever bring it up again. Deep down they know he ignores them if they make a point of anything. It is his nature. Now, I am FREEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Of having a gfgbro. Thank you ALL for helping me see that this truly is the best thing to do. For helping me understand deep down that it truly is abuse, regardless of what the family tells me.