Back to school anxiety...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jules71, Jan 5, 2014.

  1. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    difficult child's anxiety and therefore behavior, is really ramping up in anticipation of going back to school tomorrow following the winter break.

    Anyone else? Any ideas of how to deal with this? As of now, he is saying he is NOT going to school. I'm tired of easy child not being able to have a normal life and being negatively influenced about school among other things.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Anxiety is not fun.Anxiety/panic disorders can be debilitating. It is not your child's fault. I do know that sometimes my own mom got fed up with her child (me) refusing to go to events like honors day and, biggest of all, my graduation. At the time I feared my mother because she tried to get me to go places regarding school and I did go sometimes but was way too nervous to even remember the experiences. Think I spent my time trying not to pass out and biting my nails (nasty habit I had). I still have it.

    Although parents may get irritated with kids who have severe anxiety disorder, they can't help it and telling them to "get a grip" only makes them more nervous. I should say, made ME feel worse. It didn't make anything better and I spent most of my school years trying to concentrate while being so scared at school that I couldn't. High school saw me cutting classes.

    I think the best you can do is be calm in the morning and nurturing and understanding. Can your child come home for lunch? The school allowed me to do this and it helped.

    Have you explored online public school? I feel both for you, the parent who gets so frustrated and frantic, and the child who suffers through no fault of his own (or yours).

    I hope you can work something out and big hugs to both of you. This is a difficult problem. Maybe he needs a new therapist who specializes in teaching coping skills to young people who suffer from bad anxiety.

    Bit of trivia: I'd make sure my nervous child did not have caffeine. It can be a trigger.
  3. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    easy child has already started with the doom and dread. She wants to read their handbook because she is certain she will have to dye her hair back to blonde and not be allowed to wear what she wants. He hair is a natural color so they can't make her dye it and she is so body conscious right now everything she owns covers everything she has. I just keep telling her to take a deep breath and wait until something actually happens before stressing out.
  4. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    MWM, Thanks for helping me "get a grip". Lol. Seriously. Sometimes I think since his anxiety doesn't present as looking scared, sad, nervous, shy, etc. but comes out as hostility, anger, defiance, aggression - I forget he can't help it. Then I get mad or annoyed.

    I have considered online school as an option for when he can no longer function. Hoping it would be much later though. I have a feeling he would eventually refuse to do his work like he does now at school. I have always been the least likely to get him to comply.

    He is having so many problems today with his behavior and when I get him to talk about what is going on he says he doesn't want to go to school. I know it. I just don't know what to do. He was in trouble before the break at school and he says he doesn't want to see those people so they can't hold him hostage anymore. His re-evaluation is coming up end of this month and it's turning into a fight because I think they are trying to say he doesn't need Special Education anymore. I posted that in the Special Education forum.
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hugs Jules. My difficult child actually likes school but isn't liking the transition of having to go back. Even though he isn't complaining his behavior is starting to spiral like it did when break first started.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Well, here's a thought. I have no idea if it applies to your child or not, but I'll just throw it out there.

    Maybe he isn't doing his work because of his anxiety. Honesty, I had so much anxiety, I don't even know what the teachers said or what I read or what my homework was. I was just happy when school was over.
    I think I would have done great with online public schooling because the anxiety would have been gone, allowing me to concentrate and, really, I was bright and had no chance to utilize it at school due to my fear.
    Perhaps your child is way different and it wouldn't work for him. But maybe it would.
    Hugs and good luck! :)
  7. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    That's a good thought MWM. I wonder if there is a way for us to trial it. I think I will try to find out.

    He doesn't have a clue at school as to what he is supposed to do or what work he is assigned. I just figured he hates it so much he refuses to try. He is very smart. Definitely wired differently. Thinks differently. Although he has had 3 IQ tests since Kindergarten and each one has dropped significantly. 130 to 105 to 99. His verbal IQ (108) is much higher than his non-verbal (Perceptual Reasoning= 83).
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Jules...a 20 point gap between verbal and non-verbal is called a non-verbal learning disability. It is a difficult problem (this is my main learning disability) because basically your verbal skills make you sound a lot more capable of performing than you are, since your non-verbal skills or performance level IQ is not as high as your verbal ability. This got me into much trouble both at school and once I went to work. Now my NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) was much more pronounced...120 verbal and 85 performance. But it is a problem for all people who have this discrepency because others expect more of us, due to our verbal astuteness.
    I will give you a link to explain it. Your son is on the mild end of a NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD). I really do hope you find a way to make school work, either AT school or online. He has definite academic potential! Anxiety can get MUCh better with lots of therapy and the best kind of therapy for anxiety is for older teens. I recommend Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for anxiety. It is quite treatable. Sometimes a few medications help. I would stay away from stimulants as they can CAUSE anxiety.

    Ok, the link: Hope it gives you some direction. I really would like your son to do very well. I think he can.
  9. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    Thanks for the link. I have been reading up on NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) for a little while now and it describes him to a T. We thought Asperger's at one point but this matches better. He was diagnosis'd ADHD and ODD at age 5. Tried all the stims. Just recently took him off because he had a panic attack and ended up in the ER. He just completed 4 hours of psychiatric testing and the psychiatrist diagnosis'd Cognitive Disorder not otherwise specified (visual processing /executive function). Does that automatically qualify him for IEP because I really do think the school is trying to discontinue it. I wonder if I should ask the psychiatrist about NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD). Why didn't he diagnosis that?
  10. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    Well we made it to school - on time - and without much of a fight. Crossing my fingers for a good day. :)